I told my ex he couldn't take the kids on a trip after all.

[Anonymous 7]

Wow, that must make experiencing many of the social norms & rites of passages for adolescents in our society challenging. But you’re the mom, so you know your kids best!

I went on a lot of trips in high school without my parents. Choir trips, Spanish club trips, junior year and senior year trips. I flew to NYC without my parents or any supervision. I flew to Scotland without my parents, alone.

My kids do those things too. My oldest just went on a weekend trip to college for journalism camp but she's had her teachers all year long, we know and trust them. My kids have also been to over night camps, where adults had background checks. They go on a lot of girl scouts trips without me as well. On vacatios alone with family and friends. Also planning a trip to Europe for my oldest dds sr year without me or her dad(my husband is who she calls dad not her bio). But aside from the over night camp, we knew at least one adult in the group of adults over seeing our kids. They experience great things with people we trust. I would not trust my ex to put my kids in any god situation (thankfully i have full custody and he's in prison and has no rights to them) i don't know why everyone thinks every situation is exactly like theirs and that their life is the only way to live.

[Anonymous 7]

Wow, that must make experiencing many of the social norms & rites of passages for adolescents in our society challenging. But you’re the mom, so you know your kids best!

I went on a lot of trips in high school without my parents. Choir trips, Spanish club trips, junior year and senior year trips. I flew to NYC without my parents or any supervision. I flew to Scotland without my parents, alone.

Right?

And not even all the trips — My 14 year old just did a sleep over and I may or may not be able to pick the parent(s) out of a line-up. I certainly cannot be friends with all the parents in 4 kids’ friend groups, once they hit adolescence.

I'm not friends with all my 5 kids friends parents either but i can pick all of them out of line up if i needed to. (Maybe because we live in a small town and they have been going to school with these kids for years) That's scary that you can't imo. But you're the mom, you know your kids best too.

[Traci_Momof2]

This is their dad, who you trusted enough to take them on a trip solo. They are teenagers. They are old enough to know that sometimes in life you do things even if they make you a bit uncomfortable. If I were you I would encourage my kids to go into the trip with an open mind and give the new girlfriend a shot. I would remind them that this is important to their father and therefore that makes it important to them as well.

But they're your kids. You do you.

[LiveWhatULove]

I went on a lot of trips in high school without my parents. Choir trips, Spanish club trips, junior year and senior year trips. I flew to NYC without my parents or any supervision. I flew to Scotland without my parents, alone.

Right?

And not even all the trips — My 14 year old just did a sleep over and I may or may not be able to pick the parent(s) out of a line-up. I certainly cannot be friends with all the parents in 4 kids’ friend groups, once they hit adolescence.

I'm not friends with all my 5 kids friends parents either but i can pick all of them out of line up if i needed to. (Maybe because we live in a small town and they have been going to school with these kids for years) That's scary that you can't imo. But you're the mom, you know your kids best too.

There are just too many once they become teens. I mean if each child has 5 good friends that is 10 people often 12-15 (given divorce) and for 3 kids that’s 50 people — come on, it’s not that realistic that you would know them all very well unless it’s a town of 400 or a school class of 30 — so you call it scary, I call it being realistic…

[Anonymous 11]

I'm not friends with all my 5 kids friends parents either but i can pick all of them out of line up if i needed to. (Maybe because we live in a small town and they have been going to school with these kids for years) That's scary that you can't imo. But you're the mom, you know your kids best too.

There are just too many once they become teens. I mean if each child has 5 good friends that is 10 people often 12-15 (given divorce) and for 3 kids that’s 50 people — come on, it’s not that realistic that you would know them all very well unless it’s a town of 400 or a school class of 30 — so you call it scary, I call it being realistic…

Maybe it's different in a small town but it's super common for teenagers to switch up their friend group on a regular basis. High school drama and all that. When I was a kid, I had one or two close friends who were consistently in my life. But the rest of my friends would change often. I understand now why my mom sometimes had trouble keeping track of who my friends were.

[Anonymous 7]

Right?

And not even all the trips — My 14 year old just did a sleep over and I may or may not be able to pick the parent(s) out of a line-up. I certainly cannot be friends with all the parents in 4 kids’ friend groups, once they hit adolescence.

I'm not friends with all my 5 kids friends parents either but i can pick all of them out of line up if i needed to. (Maybe because we live in a small town and they have been going to school with these kids for years) That's scary that you can't imo. But you're the mom, you know your kids best too.

There are just too many once they become teens. I mean if each child has 5 good friends that is 10 people often 12-15 (given divorce) and for 3 kids that’s 50 people — come on, it’s not that realistic that you would know them all very well unless it’s a town of 400 or a school class of 30 — so you call it scary, I call it being realistic…

And we have different parenting styles and obviously different types of friends. Most of my kids friends parents are still together or the other parent isn't involved, and all have siblings that are around the other kids ages and they are all friends. So the circle of people isn't really that big for us. But we also all often hang out. The kids gave been friends with them for over 6 years now and haven't really changed much.

[Anonymous 7]

There are just too many once they become teens. I mean if each child has 5 good friends that is 10 people often 12-15 (given divorce) and for 3 kids that’s 50 people — come on, it’s not that realistic that you would know them all very well unless it’s a town of 400 or a school class of 30 — so you call it scary, I call it being realistic…

Maybe it's different in a small town but it's super common for teenagers to switch up their friend group on a regular basis. High school drama and all that. When I was a kid, I had one or two close friends who were consistently in my life. But the rest of my friends would change often. I understand now why my mom sometimes had trouble keeping track of who my friends were.

I really have no issues keeping up with the people my kids actually hang out with, like going to their house and them coming here. And they have actually kept pretty much the same friend group for the last 6 years.. Plus most of the kids all have siblings that are friends with my other kids.

[mcginnisc]

Right?

And not even all the trips — My 14 year old just did a sleep over and I may or may not be able to pick the parent(s) out of a line-up. I certainly cannot be friends with all the parents in 4 kids’ friend groups, once they hit adolescence.

I'm not friends with all my 5 kids friends parents either but i can pick all of them out of line up if i needed to. (Maybe because we live in a small town and they have been going to school with these kids for years) That's scary that you can't imo. But you're the mom, you know your kids best too.

There are just too many once they become teens. I mean if each child has 5 good friends that is 10 people often 12-15 (given divorce) and for 3 kids that’s 50 people — come on, it’s not that realistic that you would know them all very well unless it’s a town of 400 or a school class of 30 — so you call it scary, I call it being realistic…

I have two teen girls. They are homeschooled and I know all of their friends and their parents. They also have all the same friends which I know is not the norm. That will change with our oldest leaving for college next fall though. I won't know her roommate or anyone else so we just have to trust that she continues to have a good head on her shoulders and not do too many boneheaded things.

[Anonymous 1]

She obviously knows what is best for her children.

For my children — I would not entertain this, as just this summer, they did not want to go to a recent family reunion to meet extended family, as they did not want to meet or visit with them. And I knew, despite their wishes, there is value in meeting their extended family. They also sometimes prefer not to go to the park or outings with me — I make them go anyway, and have no regrets, it is beneficial.

I personally value the moments my children have with their father, and I would not let them dictate avoiding these unless their was a safety concern. And I do not think an adult women that their father has deemed as a person of value in his life, is a safety concern AT these ages.

I listen to my children, I do value their emotions, but ultimately this is the same age group infamous for “oh my gosh mom, you can’t wear that, how cringe” when you are dressed absolutely appropriately, lol. So context is important, there is nothing dangerous or sinister here.

You clearly don't know my ex and the poor choices he has made. Meeting extended family is different than a new random girlfriend. Especially when they are still grieving the loss of someone they considered a mother figure in their life.

I would argue staying with a random girlfriend is no different than meeting a random parent chaperone on a school trip. My kids met plenty of weird girlfriends & boyfriends at the extended family event as well.

But no, I do not know your ex, and no, my children did not have to experience trauma due to my relationship with their father or his relationships with others. I am confident that my teens could handle such a trip. But as I said, you know your kids best, but I personally value the role their father plays in my kid’s life.

If my kids were going on a trip I would chaperone. I always have.

My kids don't want to go and that is okay.

[Anonymous 1]

Correct. His ex was his saving grace and helped a lot with building the trust. I was hoping he would still be decent with his decision making after the break up but it is clear that isn't the case.

They used to spend more time with her than him.

My kids didn't want to go. They told their dad that before they even told me that. If they decide to go live with their father when they turn 18 that will be their choice but I highly doubt it. They have never had great relationships with him and that is entirely his fault.

IDK, this is all a lot. They were close enough to the former girlfriend that they considered her a mother figure...but the father has no rights and the kids don't stay overnight with him? How did they even manage to get so close to her when dad doesn't have any legal or physical custody?

My husband's ex wife denied us a lot of visitation and fought with him for years over every little thing, especially me, when I had nothing to do with it. Now my step daughter lives with us and hates her mom. It sucks but it's better than having to constantly deal with a hostile ex.