I told my ex he couldn't take the kids on a trip after all.

[Beachbrat]

I got engaged 3 months after my first date with my husband, but we talked about it like a months before. We’ve been married 26 years. So “too soon” is in the eye of the beholder and this is really his call, not yours. That’s my personal opinion. When you made the choice to divorce, you made the choice to forfeit part of the decision making process.

Are you ever going to answer the question of if you would really donate an organ to a wife beater?

You are crazy

[Anonymous 1]

Awesome spin on the troll post. I'll play.

It's not your decision to make, if the vacation is on dads time.

My ex doesn't get overnights so I do get to make decisions.

[LiveWhatULove]

How old are the kids?

14 and 15.

I was with you up until this. But with this nugget of info, I disagree with you.

They are teens with their own moral values who have been and will be put in situations with adults & others who they do not know that well. They can call you and communicate if things were to go awry. At 14, I shared a hotel room on a school trip without my parents at all, and just some strange parent chaperone. In just 3 years, one will likely be sharing a room with a complete stranger at college.

I think this level of control, keeping them away from their father at such a critical time prior to adulthood, is unhealthy.

[Anonymous 7]

How old are the kids?

14 and 15.

I was with you up until this. But with this nugget of info, I disagree with you.

They are teens with their own moral values who have been and will be put in situations with adults & others who they do not know that well. They can call you and communicate if things were to go awry. At 14, I shared a hotel room on a school trip without my parents at all, and just some strange parent chaperone. In just 3 years, one will likely be sharing a room with a complete stranger at college.

I think this level of control, keeping them away from their father at such a critical time prior to adulthood, is unhealthy.

She's stated that kids don't want to meet the gf yet. Their father isn't going to spend quality time with the kids if the new gf tags along. This is dads time to spend with the kids on vacation not meet the new gf and be stuck in an uncomfortable situation time. If he wants them to meet his gf it needs to be on a different time and day.

[Anonymous 8]

One thing you forgot - They're his children too. You're the only parent that gets to make decisions? You're the only one who's opinion counts? Must be an absolute joy to be married to you. Have your kids tell him they're not "comfortable" with this arrangement, if that is indeed true and you're not just telling them that they're "uncomfortable". That might help you get your way a little better. I'd have the same analysis as he does. Jealously. All you're accomplishing by having a tantrum about this is insuring that he'll never, ever tell you pertinent things regarding what he plans with the children on his time. He knows mommy is going to try to make and approve all of his decisions, so he'll just leave you out of them. Once they've happened it'll be too late for you to do anything about it.

[Anonymous 8]

I don't have a hard opinion on this because I want to try to see it from both your side and the dad's side.

However, if the kid's aren't comfortable yet, that is the most important thing IMO.

He needs to take baby steps with your shared children when it comes to this sort of thing.

This weekend. They are 14 and 15.

When the kids are comfortable with it we will do more.

How long from now until they're supposed to go on this trip? If it's a while from now, why not invite her over for lunch or bbq dinner, with your kid's and ex included? This way, you can get a better feel for her and hopefully feel a little more at ease.

How old are the kid's?

Do you really think it's the kids, or mommy is the one telling them they're not "comfortable"? It seems like mommy is the type that tells everyone what they're thinking and feeling.

[Anonymous 5]

At some point you need to trust your ex in his choices of parenting and in his choices of women to have a relationship with. You need to impart that on your kids as well. This woman may be "forever" or only for a few months but in my opinion, kids need to see how it pans out. That's the way they develop appropriate emotional relationships as they get older.

He has done a lot that makes me not trust him and this isn't helping. It's okay for them to not be comfortable meeting someone the first time for a trip.

But that's life? They are of the age that they will constantly be meeting people, traveling with people, and even sharing a room with people that they have never met.

[LiveWhatULove]

14 and 15.

I was with you up until this. But with this nugget of info, I disagree with you.

They are teens with their own moral values who have been and will be put in situations with adults & others who they do not know that well. They can call you and communicate if things were to go awry. At 14, I shared a hotel room on a school trip without my parents at all, and just some strange parent chaperone. In just 3 years, one will likely be sharing a room with a complete stranger at college.

I think this level of control, keeping them away from their father at such a critical time prior to adulthood, is unhealthy.

She's stated that kids don't want to meet the gf yet. Their father isn't going to spend quality time with the kids if the new gf tags along. This is dads time to spend with the kids on vacation not meet the new gf and be stuck in an uncomfortable situation time. If he wants them to meet his gf it needs to be on a different time and day.

She obviously knows what is best for her children.

For my children — I would not entertain this, as just this summer, they did not want to go to a recent family reunion to meet extended family, as they did not want to meet or visit with them. And I knew, despite their wishes, there is value in meeting their extended family. They also sometimes prefer not to go to the park or outings with me — I make them go anyway, and have no regrets, it is beneficial.

I personally value the moments my children have with their father, and I would not let them dictate avoiding these unless their was a safety concern. And I do not think an adult women that their father has deemed as a person of value in his life, is a safety concern AT these ages.

I listen to my children, I do value their emotions, but ultimately this is the same age group infamous for “oh my gosh mom, you can’t wear that, how cringe” when you are dressed absolutely appropriately, lol. So context is important, there is nothing dangerous or sinister here.

[Anonymous 9]

You're doing a great job at parental alienation, OP. FWIW, the courts frown on that kind of thing.

[Deleted User 1977]

I don't have a hard opinion on this because I want to try to see it from both your side and the dad's side.

However, if the kid's aren't comfortable yet, that is the most important thing IMO.

He needs to take baby steps with your shared children when it comes to this sort of thing.

This weekend. They are 14 and 15.

When the kids are comfortable with it we will do more.

Do you really think it's the kids, or mommy is the one telling them they're not "comfortable"? It seems like mommy is the type that tells everyone what they're thinking and feeling.

From what very little that she's written and many have concluded.....sorry, but I still don't know, and will keep my feeling that if her kid's aren't comfortable, THAT matters the most.