She accused me of attacking her

[Foreverme123]

Why are people supposed to sit down and take what are obviously passive-aggressive comments? People start shit and expect no reaction.

If she had something to say, she should have done it in private instead of in front of everyone, expecting you to keep quiet about it. If she can run her mouth, so can you.

[Guest]

I’m sorry, but it seems like both you and your husband are quite insecure about your choices and that’s why you see criticism for them all over the place.

So? Did she say “don’t do what your parents did”? or “have more common sense than your parents had”? She simply gave her opinion, an opinion that’s perfectly valid and she has no reason to hide for everyone else. If it hit a nerve for you, then again, do some introspection to know why. It seems you’re the one reading too much into it and you did attack her in front of everyone. She didn’t attack you, she expressed an opinion that happens to be very popular nowadays.
I’m of more traditional values than my family and I would be happy if my kids marry and have a family young. My family believes like your sister. I don’t go off at them whenever they share the opinion that it’s better to wait for marriage and family. I simply say “they’ll marry when the time is right for them”. And leave it at that.
Be honest with yourself. If you learned that she said that to your son in private, can you sincerely say that you would’ve been OK with it or would you have been pissed as well? Because it seems to me that WHAT she said hit a nerve, not the fact that she said it in front of others. That’s just a convenient excuse to justify your own hostility.

My DH is the most level headed person I know. While discussing this with him, he said SIL was being passive aggressive because she was staring straight at him when she said it. He said it was one of the reasons he doesn't talk to her. I thought maybe I was being a little sensitive after reading some of the replies but DH said I wasn't. I can admit when I am wrong. I guess maybe I picked something up in her tone of voice that set me off, especially since she said it front of my other kids.
But I'd she had told DS that in private I wouldn't care. He is 23, working towards his Doctorates and can make his own decisions. I am proud of whatever he does because I know he has the drive and focus to accomplish whatever he sets out to do.

Dh and I are happy with our choices in life. We wouldn't changed them and DH could care less about other people's opinions. If he thought I was out of line he would told had me. He knows her better than me and better than anyone in here. DS told us that his cousin (not SIL's kid) was telling him after the party that SIL was telling them that she was surprised any of our kids went to college, let alone got a degree last week and that MIL told SIL to keep her opinions to herself and not to start anything at the party.

[RedBottoms]

well in general not having kids and marrying young IS good advice. Just because it worked out for you does not mean its bad advice. You sound touchy and not confident in your choices. However, depending on her tone-she very well may have been trying to be snarky with that comment as well. So I am about 50% team you on this one.

FYI just because she is related to you by blood or marriage does not mean you have to associate with her. You can stop inviting her over and speaking to her and delete her off social media etc and never deal with her again if you don't want to. Maybe you are not compatible as friends and that is okay.

[RedBottoms]

You did attack her. What she said is a commonly held belief. Many people believe that people would be better off establishing careers and financial stability(as well as emotional maturity) before having children. Unless she said directly "Don't do what your parents did",, then you are putting negative intentions where there might not be any.

She could had told him that in private but she chose to say it in front of everyone, including my other kids. DH told me one of our kids asked him if we regretted having them and DH said no. While discussing this with DH he said she was being passive aggressive because she was staring at him when she said it. DH is most level headed drama less person I know. After reading some replies I thought maybe I was being sensitive, but DH said SIL was being passive aggressive at us. It's one of the reasons he doesn't talk to her.

personally I would rather people not give my kids advice in private. I want to hear what other people are saying to them so I can correct it if I need to and they are being shitty or giving bad advice

[Guest]

So as to not have to quote each response with the same answer.
Neither DH or I are jealous of SIL. DH dislikes her and so we do not talk to her unless it's a family function. We could care less what she has or hasn't done with her life. Again we are very happy with our life choices and wouldn't have changed them. She could had waited to give her advice. Instead she said it in front of everyone while looking at DH. From my POV I didn't know she was looking at DH while saying it. DH said she was being passive aggressive and DH isn't into drama and would tell me if he thought I was in the wrong. Dh also said that one of our kids asked if we regret having them and DH said no.
We were told today that SIL has said in the past that she is surprised that any of our kids went to college or got a degree to MIL.
As for the advice, we told the kids to not let anything get in the way of their dreams, keep learning, live life and find yourself.

[Vegaswife2011]

Well, you kind of did.

[Vegaswife2011]

A lot of parents want their kids to do things differently than they did. Are you upset that he’s going to college and you didn’t go away to school? No, you’re happy for him. Plus if he’s getting his doctorate he’s no longer in his early 20’s. Facts are this generation is getting married and having children later than previous ones. So, no big deal in my opinion. I think she’s right.

She said he’s 23.

[RedBottoms]

So as to not have to quote each response with the same answer.
Neither DH or I are jealous of SIL. DH dislikes her and so we do not talk to her unless it's a family function. We could care less what she has or hasn't done with her life. Again we are very happy with our life choices and wouldn't have changed them. She could had waited to give her advice. Instead she said it in front of everyone while looking at DH. From my POV I didn't know she was looking at DH while saying it. DH said she was being passive aggressive and DH isn't into drama and would tell me if he thought I was in the wrong. Dh also said that one of our kids asked if we regret having them and DH said no.
We were told today that SIL has said in the past that she is surprised that any of our kids went to college or got a degree to MIL.
As for the advice, we told the kids to not let anything get in the way of their dreams, keep learning, live life and find yourself.

well stop attending family functions she will be at and problem solved. Never have to deal with her again

[Guest]

I would be very upset if my children got married and had children in their teens.

[Guest]

It was good advice. Sounds like your kid already knows that since he's getting far away from you. I'm sorry you and your husband are so insecure and her words hurt your feelings.