She accused me of attacking her

[Guest]

Well... you sort of did. You took her comment to be passive aggressive, and maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But you went all defensive on her and there wasn’t a need for that. Maybe you should think why you felt the need to defend your choices in such a hostile manner.

Because she said that in front of everyone including me other kids. If she is going to say it she should be able to back it up or had pulled ds aside and told him.
DH just told that one of our kids asked him if we regretted having them and DH said no.

[AsteroidStar]

You did attack her. What she said is a commonly held belief. Many people believe that people would be better off establishing careers and financial stability(as well as emotional maturity) before having children. Unless she said directly "Don't do what your parents did",, then you are putting negative intentions where there might not be any.

[Momto2boys973]

So? Did she say “don’t do what your parents did”? or “have more common sense than your parents had”? She simply gave her opinion, an opinion that’s perfectly valid and she has no reason to hide for everyone else. If it hit a nerve for you, then again, do some introspection to know why. It seems you’re the one reading too much into it and you did attack her in front of everyone. She didn’t attack you, she expressed an opinion that happens to be very popular nowadays.
I’m of more traditional values than my family and I would be happy if my kids marry and have a family young. My family believes like your sister. I don’t go off at them whenever they share the opinion that it’s better to wait for marriage and family. I simply say “they’ll marry when the time is right for them”. And leave it at that.
Be honest with yourself. If you learned that she said that to your son in private, can you sincerely say that you would’ve been OK with it or would you have been pissed as well? Because it seems to me that WHAT she said hit a nerve, not the fact that she said it in front of others. That’s just a convenient excuse to justify your own hostility.

Well... you sort of did. You took her comment to be passive aggressive, and maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But you went all defensive on her and there wasn’t a need for that. Maybe you should think why you felt the need to defend your choices in such a hostile manner.

Because she said that in front of everyone including me other kids. If she is going to say it she should be able to back it up or had pulled ds aside and told him.
DH just told that one of our kids asked him if we regretted having them and DH said no.

[AllofFive19]

She was being passive aggressive, you responded, she couldn't handle it, her bad, not yours.

[Guest]

You did attack her. What she said is a commonly held belief. Many people believe that people would be better off establishing careers and financial stability(as well as emotional maturity) before having children. Unless she said directly "Don't do what your parents did",, then you are putting negative intentions where there might not be any.

She could had told him that in private but she chose to say it in front of everyone, including my other kids. DH told me one of our kids asked him if we regretted having them and DH said no. While discussing this with DH he said she was being passive aggressive because she was staring at him when she said it. DH is most level headed drama less person I know. After reading some replies I thought maybe I was being sensitive, but DH said SIL was being passive aggressive at us. It's one of the reasons he doesn't talk to her.

[Guest]

So? Did she say “don’t do what your parents did”? or “have more common sense than your parents had”? She simply gave her opinion, an opinion that’s perfectly valid and she has no reason to hide for everyone else. If it hit a nerve for you, then again, do some introspection to know why. It seems you’re the one reading too much into it and you did attack her in front of everyone. She didn’t attack you, she expressed an opinion that happens to be very popular nowadays.
I’m of more traditional values than my family and I would be happy if my kids marry and have a family young. My family believes like your sister. I don’t go off at them whenever they share the opinion that it’s better to wait for marriage and family. I simply say “they’ll marry when the time is right for them”. And leave it at that.
Be honest with yourself. If you learned that she said that to your son in private, can you sincerely say that you would’ve been OK with it or would you have been pissed as well? Because it seems to me that WHAT she said hit a nerve, not the fact that she said it in front of others. That’s just a convenient excuse to justify your own hostility.

Well... you sort of did. You took her comment to be passive aggressive, and maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But you went all defensive on her and there wasn’t a need for that. Maybe you should think why you felt the need to defend your choices in such a hostile manner.

Because she said that in front of everyone including me other kids. If she is going to say it she should be able to back it up or had pulled ds aside and told him.
DH just told that one of our kids asked him if we regretted having them and DH said no.

My DH is the most level headed person I know. While discussing this with him, he said SIL was being passive aggressive because she was staring straight at him when she said it. He said it was one of the reasons he doesn't talk to her. I thought maybe I was being a little sensitive after reading some of the replies but DH said I wasn't. I can admit when I am wrong. I guess maybe I picked something up in her tone of voice that set me off, especially since she said it front of my other kids.
But I'd she had told DS that in private I wouldn't care. He is 23, working towards his Doctorates and can make his own decisions. I am proud of whatever he does because I know he has the drive and focus to accomplish whatever he sets out to do.

[Deleted User 66]

You were defensive and you did attack her.

[CotterpinDoozer]

You did attack her. You didn't like what she said, so you put her on the spot. Whether she was just trying to be a bitch or not, yes you acted defensively and attacked her after you felt she attacked you.

[LiveWhatULove]

You don’t need to justify your life, nor filter the advice people give your adult DS. He’s a big boy. Just walk away.

[Lemons]

A lot of parents want their kids to do things differently than they did. Are you upset that he’s going to college and you didn’t go away to school? No, you’re happy for him. Plus if he’s getting his doctorate he’s no longer in his early 20’s. Facts are this generation is getting married and having children later than previous ones. So, no big deal in my opinion. I think she’s right.