She accused me of attacking her

[mcginnisc]

Team SIL.. it sounds like you were being a jerk to her for a piece of sound advice. The majority of people think as your SIL does. I tell my girls all the time- even if you get married young, finish your degree and live with your spouse before adding children to the mix. It's good advice to get your ducks in a row before adding ducklings to the mix.

[jas]

It was good advice. He follows it or he doesn't. YOU were the one rude in feeling like you had to defend your choices. Don't make it about you.

[Pjmm]

I honestly don't see what the big deal was. She ought not to have said it in front of you but some people don't think. In cases like that I'd just say calmly everyone makes what they feel is the best decision for themselves and let it gooooo.

[luvthagirl]

I miss the days when people could have differences of opinion without being labeled the aggressor or the victim.

Those days are long gone

[jas]

So? Did she say “don’t do what your parents did”? or “have more common sense than your parents had”? She simply gave her opinion, an opinion that’s perfectly valid and she has no reason to hide for everyone else. If it hit a nerve for you, then again, do some introspection to know why. It seems you’re the one reading too much into it and you did attack her in front of everyone. She didn’t attack you, she expressed an opinion that happens to be very popular nowadays.
I’m of more traditional values than my family and I would be happy if my kids marry and have a family young. My family believes like your sister. I don’t go off at them whenever they share the opinion that it’s better to wait for marriage and family. I simply say “they’ll marry when the time is right for them”. And leave it at that.
Be honest with yourself. If you learned that she said that to your son in private, can you sincerely say that you would’ve been OK with it or would you have been pissed as well? Because it seems to me that WHAT she said hit a nerve, not the fact that she said it in front of others. That’s just a convenient excuse to justify your own hostility.

Because she said that in front of everyone including me other kids. If she is going to say it she should be able to back it up or had pulled ds aside and told him.
DH just told that one of our kids asked him if we regretted having them and DH said no.

My DH is the most level headed person I know. While discussing this with him, he said SIL was being passive aggressive because she was staring straight at him when she said it. He said it was one of the reasons he doesn't talk to her. I thought maybe I was being a little sensitive after reading some of the replies but DH said I wasn't. I can admit when I am wrong. I guess maybe I picked something up in her tone of voice that set me off, especially since she said it front of my other kids.
But I'd she had told DS that in private I wouldn't care. He is 23, working towards his Doctorates and can make his own decisions. I am proud of whatever he does because I know he has the drive and focus to accomplish whatever he sets out to do.

I think your DH is protesting too much. It could very well be that he's deflecting. She wasn't out of line AT ALL in what she said or where she said it. It was GREAT advice and this comes from someone who also got married out of high school. You both need to get over yourselves and see that it's about your son - not you.

[luvthagirl]

I agree with your SIL views on life. It's ok to disagree

[Momto2boys973]

I’m sorry, but it seems like both you and your husband are quite insecure about your choices and that’s why you see criticism for them all over the place.

So? Did she say “don’t do what your parents did”? or “have more common sense than your parents had”? She simply gave her opinion, an opinion that’s perfectly valid and she has no reason to hide for everyone else. If it hit a nerve for you, then again, do some introspection to know why. It seems you’re the one reading too much into it and you did attack her in front of everyone. She didn’t attack you, she expressed an opinion that happens to be very popular nowadays.
I’m of more traditional values than my family and I would be happy if my kids marry and have a family young. My family believes like your sister. I don’t go off at them whenever they share the opinion that it’s better to wait for marriage and family. I simply say “they’ll marry when the time is right for them”. And leave it at that.
Be honest with yourself. If you learned that she said that to your son in private, can you sincerely say that you would’ve been OK with it or would you have been pissed as well? Because it seems to me that WHAT she said hit a nerve, not the fact that she said it in front of others. That’s just a convenient excuse to justify your own hostility.

Because she said that in front of everyone including me other kids. If she is going to say it she should be able to back it up or had pulled ds aside and told him.
DH just told that one of our kids asked him if we regretted having them and DH said no.

My DH is the most level headed person I know. While discussing this with him, he said SIL was being passive aggressive because she was staring straight at him when she said it. He said it was one of the reasons he doesn't talk to her. I thought maybe I was being a little sensitive after reading some of the replies but DH said I wasn't. I can admit when I am wrong. I guess maybe I picked something up in her tone of voice that set me off, especially since she said it front of my other kids.
But I'd she had told DS that in private I wouldn't care. He is 23, working towards his Doctorates and can make his own decisions. I am proud of whatever he does because I know he has the drive and focus to accomplish whatever he sets out to do.

[famousglm714]

I agree with your SIL views on life. It's ok to disagree

[Gorilla_Mama]

She might have been passive aggressive but it sounds like you made a scene when you demanded your examples. Waiting to have kids so you “don’t miss out” is a very common belief. You shouldn’t go around attacking people just because they offer your kids different advice then you.

[sheramom4]

You really felt the need to interrupt a conversation between two adults? Your son is 23 and hopefully old enough to either listen to advise or not. ALL of your kids are old enough to hear differing opinions and not be overly influenced by those opinions. SIL was giving advice to another adult. Period. If you took it as an insult it is because you regret your life choices.