I feel like such a F***ing failure

[Anonymous 8]

“People do it every day” is nothing but argumentum ad populum.

I can’t make anyone not do something, but that doesn’t mean I should condone scrupulous behavior. Nor should I encourage it, like you did.

You didn’t answer my question. Answer mine if you’d like me to answer yours.

Should someone stay in an abusive situation because they cannot afford to leave? Because that’s what it sounds like you are saying.

No, I don’t believe someone should buy things they cannot afford with no intention of paying for it. But, people do it every day. I didn’t answer because if you chose to do that, who am I to tell you not to?

[Anonymous 8]

Again? I’ve never spoken to you about this.

Also, I don’t especially care what an abused woman goes through. People are treated how they allow themselves to be treated.

A yacht would make me happy long term. Should I go buy one and then just not pay for it because my happiness is paramount to my responsibility? Because that’s exactly what you’re saying.

There’s two types of bankruptcies, one every thing is discharged. And the other is debt consolidation.
Personal responsibility is important, but not at the sake of long term happiness. It sounds like an abusive situation and I think some she use every avenue available to get themselves out of that.

Apples to cheeseburgers again.
Not at all the same situation.
Come back when you have an inkling of what an abused woman goes through, then we'll talk.

[Iffrinn]

Yes. She put herself in the situation.

Don’t file bankruptcy. It’s your debt. Society shouldn’t have to pick up your tab.

If she is in a situation that she will never get out of the debt, should she stay in a miserable marriage, living a miserable life, for money?

So everyone should just stay in every shitty situation that they might have gotten themselves into? That's ridiculous.
Bankruptcy laws exist for a reason. Ok should use them, not just for herself, but to give her child a better life.

[Bubbs]

“People do it every day” is nothing but argumentum ad populum.

I can’t make anyone not do something, but that doesn’t mean I should condone scrupulous behavior. Nor should I encourage it, like you did.

You didn’t answer my question. Answer mine if you’d like me to answer yours.

No, I don’t believe someone should buy things they cannot afford with no intention of paying for it. But, people do it every day. I didn’t answer because if you chose to do that, who am I to tell you not to?

I think staying in an abusive relationship is worse than not paying a bill or two. I don’t believe that filing bankruptcy is unscrupulous behavior as you seem to.

[Bubbs]

Again? I’ve never spoken to you about this.

Also, I don’t especially care what an abused woman goes through. People are treated how they allow themselves to be treated.

A yacht would make me happy long term. Should I go buy one and then just not pay for it because my happiness is paramount to my responsibility? Because that’s exactly what you’re saying.

Apples to cheeseburgers again.
Not at all the same situation.
Come back when you have an inkling of what an abused woman goes through, then we'll talk.

And that is not necessarily true. Abuse has a dynamic that goes deeper than “allowing” someone to treat you poorly.

[Anonymous 8]

She should get out of it herself. Her bad choices aren’t society’s problem.

Yes. She put herself in the situation.

If she is in a situation that she will never get out of the debt, should she stay in a miserable marriage, living a miserable life, for money?

So everyone should just stay in every shitty situation that they might have gotten themselves into? That's ridiculous.
Bankruptcy laws exist for a reason. Ok should use them, not just for herself, but to give her child a better life.

[Anonymous 8]

She stays in this relationship. She continues to make the same choices day after day. She’s 60K in debt. That’s not “a bill or two.”

“People do it every day” is nothing but argumentum ad populum.

I can’t make anyone not do something, but that doesn’t mean I should condone scrupulous behavior. Nor should I encourage it, like you did.

No, I don’t believe someone should buy things they cannot afford with no intention of paying for it. But, people do it every day. I didn’t answer because if you chose to do that, who am I to tell you not to?

I think staying in an abusive relationship is worse than not paying a bill or two. I don’t believe that filing bankruptcy is unscrupulous behavior as you seem to.

[Valentina327]

Leave his ass and fast.

I'm trying to save as much as I can but he spends it all.

Then put a stop to that. What's wrong with you? You're the sole income. He's not contributing. Stop putting your paycheck where he can get to it. Very simple. I'd he wants to spend money, let him go earn it.

Why is he not taking care of the child while you're at work if he's not working? There should be no child care expense.

Who's paying his child support? You? Then stop. They're going to cart him off to jail then your problem is solved. He'll be gone and not mooching off of you any longer.

[Anonymous 8]

The first time someone abuses you, be it physical, mental, etc. and you stay, you’re giving them permission to do it again. You’re saying it’s okay.

Again? I’ve never spoken to you about this.

Also, I don’t especially care what an abused woman goes through. People are treated how they allow themselves to be treated.

Apples to cheeseburgers again.
Not at all the same situation.
Come back when you have an inkling of what an abused woman goes through, then we'll talk.

And that is not necessarily true. Abuse has a dynamic that goes deeper than “allowing” someone to treat you poorly.

[stilltfez]

I'm not going to attack for the sake of attacking.

I am going to suggest you take steps if this is something you know is your future. If it is a threat you make and never act on, my words are wasted so stop reading now.
You need to separate your present finances. Open an acct in your name only. Start putting a small amount in weekly. Save up enough for the deposit on a studio or 1 bed room. Be prepared to discuss a change in sitter fees with your sitter should you leave. Your debt vs income should qualify you for assistance in mental health care and treatment. Make an appt and sit down and begin a debt consolidation plan with a qualified professional. Discuss future moving with trusted friends and family. They will be of great help if you do move. Focus your energy forward instead of wallowing. Look into sharing an apt. with another mother. Begin fixing your mess now.

I wish you the best and hope you find your happy.