My Mom. I love her but she just can’t just say congratulations and be happy

[Bubbs]

Nothing and no one can separate a couple that truly love each other. So no, in-laws do not have the power to destroy a healthy loving marriage.

Bubbs mom wasn't being a b**** to her brothers future wife and she has done nothing wrong. All she did was show concern. She didn't act like a crazy hateful person when she heard the news.

She didn’t do anything. It’s just another annoying part of my mother. Just a reminder when I miss her & think about moving closer, that the distance is for a reason

You distance yourself because she isn't who you want her to be? I don't think that's fair. All mothers annoy their children sometimes, if not she's not doing it right.

I don’t want her to be anything other than who she is. She’s just easier to deal with from 100 miles away

[Reedusstalker]

Is she always like that

[Bubbs]

There has to be a reason

Is she much younger than him?
Does she have a bunch of kids he has to support now?
Is she living off of him and not working?
Have they only been dating a month?
Is she a stripper?

There had to be something that prompted this.

It’s marriage #3 for both of them

[Bubbs]

Is she always like that

Not always, but frequently. He assumed her reaction when he told her.

[CMrefugee]

That's terrible. By this time, with grown adult children (one who's 49) she should know to smile, be gracious and wish them well. And just be there when and if her son needs her. There's nothing for her to say.

My brother announced that he was marrying for the first time at 42. We were all in disbelief and shock because we never thought he'd marry (as my bro was quite the manwhore at times) and also because he'd only seen her once or twice because it was an online relationship for the most part. She lived in another country. Like your mother we also thought that he was making a mistake but kept those feelings to ourselves. He made a good choice though and my sil is great.

Anyway, congrats to you brother.

[...MyLove...]

I like honesty. But I also cannot mentally handle extremely critical people around me all the time. If you think I suck so much-then we probably should just part ways. Its why I cut off my father. For every compliment he gave me, he would counter it with about 15 criticisms about my weight, my husband, my house, my parenting, my cooking, my decisions, etc. Maybe that was him just being honest and that is his right and his opinion and his feelings. But I also have a right to know it was putting me in a dark place mentally being around that much criticism. So I stopped being around him.

And magically I got a lot happier. Unfortunately I have more than one family member that is hateful and loves to criticize all the time and I distanced myself from them as well. Same for friends.

I don't expect to never receive any negative criticisms from loved ones. But I do expect it not to be so much that it becomes emotional and verbal abuse and beats me down to nothing. That is when I am going to draw the line.

So if the OP's mother wants to be a naysayer all the time-more power to her-but she can't be surprised when they stop coming around either.

Loved ones are supposed to build you up-not break you down

Did you tell your father how his words were hurting you? Did you give him a chance to change, knowing that people don't change overnight? Did you stop him when he started getting out of line?

Of course I told him I did not like all the terrible things he was saying. That only made him worse. Because not everyone is a good person. Some people are narcissists and want everything their way point blank period. Every boundary I put up-he got more mean and insulting to me.

I'm very sorry things have to that way between you and your father. Hopefully, in the near future you can reconnect with him. Maybe you can learn how to inspire him to be a better person.

[Deleted User 670]

She doesn't have to congratulate your brother when he is doing something she doesn't approve of or pretend to be happy when she's not. It's strange to think she should.

well and they don't have to ever speak to her again either. See how that works.
If someone tells you they are getting married, even if you don't approve-you grin and say Congratulations and keep your mouth shut. Period. Otherwise, you better just kiss that relationship goodbye

Kiss a relationship between a mother and son goodbye because she didn't say congratulations and smile? That's completely absurd.

No because she's always judgmental and disapproving. It gets F***ing old especially when you're 50 years old and have your own life.

[...MyLove...]

She didn’t do anything. It’s just another annoying part of my mother. Just a reminder when I miss her & think about moving closer, that the distance is for a reason

You distance yourself because she isn't who you want her to be? I don't think that's fair. All mothers annoy their children sometimes, if not she's not doing it right.

I don’t want her to be anything other than who she is. She’s just easier to deal with from 100 miles away

Probably because you put too much emphasis on the things she thinks, says or doesn't say. Once you let things roll off your back it will be easier to deal with her.

[Bubbs]

That's terrible. By this time, with grown adult children (one who's 49) she should know to smile, be gracious and wish them well. And just be there when and if her son needs her. There's nothing for her to say.

My brother announced that he was marrying for the first time at 42. We were all in disbelief and shock because we never thought he'd marry (as my bro was quite the manwhore at times) and also because he'd only seen her once or twice because it was an online relationship for the most part. She lived in another country. Like your mother we also thought that he was making a mistake but kept those feelings to ourselves. He made a good choice though and my sil is great.

Anyway, congrats to you brother.

Even if it is a mistake, it's his mistake to make. She isn't like that, she is concerned. I heard about it again this morning.

[Bubbs]

You distance yourself because she isn't who you want her to be? I don't think that's fair. All mothers annoy their children sometimes, if not she's not doing it right.

I don’t want her to be anything other than who she is. She’s just easier to deal with from 100 miles away

Probably because you put too much emphasis on the things she thinks, says or doesn't say. Once you let things roll off your back it will be easier to deal with her.

I haven't learned that in 40 years. None of us have. I still speak to her daily, Visit when I can, (I was just there yesterday, and she was here 2 weeks ago) We both know that we can only spend 5 days together before we start to bug each other. I accept her as she is, I just don't have to like it.