My Mom. I love her but she just can’t just say congratulations and be happy

[Bubbs]

You want to get biblical? This is marriage #3, I think bubbs said. God himself does not approve of divorce. He hates it. Are you going to throw God out of your life because He doesn't always approve of the choices you make?

yeah well he obviously did his first two marriages wrong-maybe because he let his mother be a F***ing disapproving bitch to his first two wives. That will break up a marriage for sure.

He needs to start this marriage off on the right foot and that starts with not letting his mother be a bitch to his new wife

Nothing and no one can separate a couple that truly love each other. So no, in-laws do not have the power to destroy a healthy loving marriage.

Bubbs mom wasn't being a b**** to her brothers future wife and she has done nothing wrong. All she did was show concern. She didn't act like a crazy hateful person when she heard the news.

She didn’t do anything. It’s just another annoying part of my mother. Just a reminder when I miss her & think about moving closer, that the distance is for a reason

[AubreeGrace17]

Regardless of his age, being engaged is something to congratulate.

[RedBottoms]

That is the problem OP. She does not see her adult grown kids as adults apparently. That needs to be fixed.

[Valentina327]

There has to be a reason

Is she much younger than him?
Does she have a bunch of kids he has to support now?
Is she living off of him and not working?
Have they only been dating a month?
Is she a stripper?

There had to be something that prompted this.

[RedBottoms]

There has to be a reason

Is she much younger than him?
Does she have a bunch of kids he has to support now?
Is she living off of him and not working?
Have they only been dating a month?
Is she a stripper?

There had to be something that prompted this.

not always. My MIL did not like me and I was NONE Of the things you just listed above.

I was a 4.0 college graduate with no criminal record or debt or kids or previous marriages and we dated for over 2 years before getting engaged.

Sometimes the MILs are just disapproving bitches

[...MyLove...]

I don't think you have to "Fake" it, but I also am not going to spend lots of time around someone that actively disapproves of me, my kids, my husband, my friends, my dog, ,my actions etc. I just don't have time for that and it won't put me in a good head space.

Who said you should? You can still have a good relationship with someone who doesn't always approve of the things you do. If everyone you surround yourself with was honest with you all the time, you would end up being a very lonely person. You wouldn't have anyone.

I like honesty. But I also cannot mentally handle extremely critical people around me all the time. If you think I suck so much-then we probably should just part ways. Its why I cut off my father. For every compliment he gave me, he would counter it with about 15 criticisms about my weight, my husband, my house, my parenting, my cooking, my decisions, etc. Maybe that was him just being honest and that is his right and his opinion and his feelings. But I also have a right to know it was putting me in a dark place mentally being around that much criticism. So I stopped being around him.

And magically I got a lot happier. Unfortunately I have more than one family member that is hateful and loves to criticize all the time and I distanced myself from them as well. Same for friends.

I don't expect to never receive any negative criticisms from loved ones. But I do expect it not to be so much that it becomes emotional and verbal abuse and beats me down to nothing. That is when I am going to draw the line.

So if the OP's mother wants to be a naysayer all the time-more power to her-but she can't be surprised when they stop coming around either.

Loved ones are supposed to build you up-not break you down

Did you tell your father how his words were hurting you? Did you give him a chance to change, knowing that people don't change overnight? Did you stop him when he started getting out of line?

[RedBottoms]

Who said you should? You can still have a good relationship with someone who doesn't always approve of the things you do. If everyone you surround yourself with was honest with you all the time, you would end up being a very lonely person. You wouldn't have anyone.

I like honesty. But I also cannot mentally handle extremely critical people around me all the time. If you think I suck so much-then we probably should just part ways. Its why I cut off my father. For every compliment he gave me, he would counter it with about 15 criticisms about my weight, my husband, my house, my parenting, my cooking, my decisions, etc. Maybe that was him just being honest and that is his right and his opinion and his feelings. But I also have a right to know it was putting me in a dark place mentally being around that much criticism. So I stopped being around him.

And magically I got a lot happier. Unfortunately I have more than one family member that is hateful and loves to criticize all the time and I distanced myself from them as well. Same for friends.

I don't expect to never receive any negative criticisms from loved ones. But I do expect it not to be so much that it becomes emotional and verbal abuse and beats me down to nothing. That is when I am going to draw the line.

So if the OP's mother wants to be a naysayer all the time-more power to her-but she can't be surprised when they stop coming around either.

Loved ones are supposed to build you up-not break you down

Did you tell your father how his words were hurting you? Did you give him a chance to change, knowing that people don't change overnight? Did you stop him when he started getting out of line?

Of course I told him I did not like all the terrible things he was saying. That only made him worse. Because not everyone is a good person. Some people are narcissists and want everything their way point blank period. Every boundary I put up-he got more mean and insulting to me.

[MonarchMom]

Why would a 49 year old male need to talk to "Mom" before he gets married?

[...MyLove...]

yeah well he obviously did his first two marriages wrong-maybe because he let his mother be a F***ing disapproving bitch to his first two wives. That will break up a marriage for sure.

He needs to start this marriage off on the right foot and that starts with not letting his mother be a bitch to his new wife

Nothing and no one can separate a couple that truly love each other. So no, in-laws do not have the power to destroy a healthy loving marriage.

Bubbs mom wasn't being a b**** to her brothers future wife and she has done nothing wrong. All she did was show concern. She didn't act like a crazy hateful person when she heard the news.

She didn’t do anything. It’s just another annoying part of my mother. Just a reminder when I miss her & think about moving closer, that the distance is for a reason

You distance yourself because she isn't who you want her to be? I don't think that's fair. All mothers annoy their children sometimes, if not she's not doing it right.

[Bubbs]

Why would a 49 year old male need to talk to "Mom" before he gets married?

He wasn’t asking permission, he was letting us know. I thought announcing to your family was normal?