My Mom. I love her but she just can’t just say congratulations and be happy

[RedBottoms]

Exactly - He doesn't need her approval. He's going to do what he wants anyway. And she doesn't have to react the way you think she should. Being a concerned mother doesn't make her a jerk.

Your kids are still young, wait until they get involved with someone you're not thrilled about and see how well you can choke out a congratulations and wear a fake smile.

Yes my kids are still young, so Maybe I don’t really get it. She can react any way she chooses that is true, but then she needs to understand her reactions are why sometimes she doesn’t get included in things we do. I got married and didn’t tell her for awhile afterwards, my other brother did something similar. She misses out on a lot, because sometimes we don’t want to deal with her.

My mom didn't approve of me marrying my husband and I didn't need her to. When we got married my mom was front row and center.

There isn't a reason not to include your mom in things you all do, unless she is all kinds of crazy and can't control herself, which I doubt she is.

In my family, we are allowed to say what we think and be who we are. We don't have to fake it. No one should have to. Families love each other unconditionally.

I don't think you have to "Fake" it, but I also am not going to spend lots of time around someone that actively disapproves of me, my kids, my husband, my friends, my dog, ,my actions etc. I just don't have time for that and it won't put me in a good head space.

[...MyLove...]

Yes my kids are still young, so Maybe I don’t really get it. She can react any way she chooses that is true, but then she needs to understand her reactions are why sometimes she doesn’t get included in things we do. I got married and didn’t tell her for awhile afterwards, my other brother did something similar. She misses out on a lot, because sometimes we don’t want to deal with her.

My mom didn't approve of me marrying my husband and I didn't need her to. When we got married my mom was front row and center.

There isn't a reason not to include your mom in things you all do, unless she is all kinds of crazy and can't control herself, which I doubt she is.

In my family, we are allowed to say what we think and be who we are. We don't have to fake it. No one should have to. Families love each other unconditionally.

I don't think you have to "Fake" it, but I also am not going to spend lots of time around someone that actively disapproves of me, my kids, my husband, my friends, my dog, ,my actions etc. I just don't have time for that and it won't put me in a good head space.

Who said you should? You can still have a good relationship with someone who doesn't always approve of the things you do. If everyone you surround yourself with was honest with you all the time, you would end up being a very lonely person. You wouldn't have anyone.

[...MyLove...]

well and they don't have to ever speak to her again either. See how that works.
If someone tells you they are getting married, even if you don't approve-you grin and say Congratulations and keep your mouth shut. Period. Otherwise, you better just kiss that relationship goodbye

Kiss a relationship between a mother and son goodbye because she didn't say congratulations and smile? That's completely absurd.

Yes because once a man marries a woman he leaves and cleaves. That means he owes his loyalty and love to his wife. And they become ONE. So if a mother or anyone else is being bitchy and negative and bringing drama and negativity and issues into that marriage-they need to distance themselves from that for the good of the marriage.

You want to get biblical? This is marriage #3, I think bubbs said. God himself does not approve of divorce. He hates it. Are you going to throw God out of your life because He doesn't always approve of the choices you make?

[RedBottoms]

My mom didn't approve of me marrying my husband and I didn't need her to. When we got married my mom was front row and center.

There isn't a reason not to include your mom in things you all do, unless she is all kinds of crazy and can't control herself, which I doubt she is.

In my family, we are allowed to say what we think and be who we are. We don't have to fake it. No one should have to. Families love each other unconditionally.

I don't think you have to "Fake" it, but I also am not going to spend lots of time around someone that actively disapproves of me, my kids, my husband, my friends, my dog, ,my actions etc. I just don't have time for that and it won't put me in a good head space.

Who said you should? You can still have a good relationship with someone who doesn't always approve of the things you do. If everyone you surround yourself with was honest with you all the time, you would end up being a very lonely person. You wouldn't have anyone.

I like honesty. But I also cannot mentally handle extremely critical people around me all the time. If you think I suck so much-then we probably should just part ways. Its why I cut off my father. For every compliment he gave me, he would counter it with about 15 criticisms about my weight, my husband, my house, my parenting, my cooking, my decisions, etc. Maybe that was him just being honest and that is his right and his opinion and his feelings. But I also have a right to know it was putting me in a dark place mentally being around that much criticism. So I stopped being around him.

And magically I got a lot happier. Unfortunately I have more than one family member that is hateful and loves to criticize all the time and I distanced myself from them as well. Same for friends.

I don't expect to never receive any negative criticisms from loved ones. But I do expect it not to be so much that it becomes emotional and verbal abuse and beats me down to nothing. That is when I am going to draw the line.

So if the OP's mother wants to be a naysayer all the time-more power to her-but she can't be surprised when they stop coming around either.

Loved ones are supposed to build you up-not break you down

[RedBottoms]

Kiss a relationship between a mother and son goodbye because she didn't say congratulations and smile? That's completely absurd.

Yes because once a man marries a woman he leaves and cleaves. That means he owes his loyalty and love to his wife. And they become ONE. So if a mother or anyone else is being bitchy and negative and bringing drama and negativity and issues into that marriage-they need to distance themselves from that for the good of the marriage.

You want to get biblical? This is marriage #3, I think bubbs said. God himself does not approve of divorce. He hates it. Are you going to throw God out of your life because He doesn't always approve of the choices you make?

yeah well he obviously did his first two marriages wrong-maybe because he let his mother be a F***ing disapproving bitch to his first two wives. That will break up a marriage for sure.

He needs to start this marriage off on the right foot and that starts with not letting his mother be a bitch to his new wife

[Bubbs]

Exactly - He doesn't need her approval. He's going to do what he wants anyway. And she doesn't have to react the way you think she should. Being a concerned mother doesn't make her a jerk.

Your kids are still young, wait until they get involved with someone you're not thrilled about and see how well you can choke out a congratulations and wear a fake smile.

Yes my kids are still young, so Maybe I don’t really get it. She can react any way she chooses that is true, but then she needs to understand her reactions are why sometimes she doesn’t get included in things we do. I got married and didn’t tell her for awhile afterwards, my other brother did something similar. She misses out on a lot, because sometimes we don’t want to deal with her.

My mom didn't approve of me marrying my husband and I didn't need her to. When we got married my mom was front row and center.

There isn't a reason not to include your mom in things you all do, unless she is all kinds of crazy and can't control herself, which I doubt she is.

In my family, we are allowed to say what we think and be who we are. We don't have to fake it. No one should have to. Families love each other unconditionally.

She has always said what she thinks, my opinions on if she should or should not doesn’t change who she is. It just changes when and if I or the others want to deal with it.
The reasons she doesn’t always get included are hard to explain, but sometimes I know I made the choice because she doesn’t understand that her way isn’t necessarily right for everyone. So she would have rained all over things or tried to take over and do things her way. Nothing about the way we choose to include her or leave her out has anything to do with not loving her. She’s my mom and I love her there are also boundaries that need to be set as adult children who live their own lives.

[mama_danetta]

Some people just have no manners.

[...MyLove...]

Yes because once a man marries a woman he leaves and cleaves. That means he owes his loyalty and love to his wife. And they become ONE. So if a mother or anyone else is being bitchy and negative and bringing drama and negativity and issues into that marriage-they need to distance themselves from that for the good of the marriage.

You want to get biblical? This is marriage #3, I think bubbs said. God himself does not approve of divorce. He hates it. Are you going to throw God out of your life because He doesn't always approve of the choices you make?

yeah well he obviously did his first two marriages wrong-maybe because he let his mother be a F***ing disapproving bitch to his first two wives. That will break up a marriage for sure.

He needs to start this marriage off on the right foot and that starts with not letting his mother be a bitch to his new wife

Nothing and no one can separate a couple that truly love each other. So no, in-laws do not have the power to destroy a healthy loving marriage.

Bubbs mom wasn't being a b**** to her brothers future wife and she has done nothing wrong. All she did was show concern. She didn't act like a crazy hateful person when she heard the news.

[...MyLove...]

Yes my kids are still young, so Maybe I don’t really get it. She can react any way she chooses that is true, but then she needs to understand her reactions are why sometimes she doesn’t get included in things we do. I got married and didn’t tell her for awhile afterwards, my other brother did something similar. She misses out on a lot, because sometimes we don’t want to deal with her.

My mom didn't approve of me marrying my husband and I didn't need her to. When we got married my mom was front row and center.

There isn't a reason not to include your mom in things you all do, unless she is all kinds of crazy and can't control herself, which I doubt she is.

In my family, we are allowed to say what we think and be who we are. We don't have to fake it. No one should have to. Families love each other unconditionally.

She has always said what she thinks, my opinions on if she should or should not doesn’t change who she is. It just changes when and if I or the others want to deal with it.
The reasons she doesn’t always get included are hard to explain, but sometimes I know I made the choice because she doesn’t understand that her way isn’t necessarily right for everyone. So she would have rained all over things or tried to take over and do things her way. Nothing about the way we choose to include her or leave her out has anything to do with not loving her. She’s my mom and I love her there are also boundaries that need to be set as adult children who live their own lives.

As an adult you should feel free express your feelings and thoughts to her. If she needs to back off some tell her that. Tell her what the boundaries are. She isn't a mind reader. Open communication is a great thing.

[Bubbs]

My mom didn't approve of me marrying my husband and I didn't need her to. When we got married my mom was front row and center.

There isn't a reason not to include your mom in things you all do, unless she is all kinds of crazy and can't control herself, which I doubt she is.

In my family, we are allowed to say what we think and be who we are. We don't have to fake it. No one should have to. Families love each other unconditionally.

She has always said what she thinks, my opinions on if she should or should not doesn’t change who she is. It just changes when and if I or the others want to deal with it.
The reasons she doesn’t always get included are hard to explain, but sometimes I know I made the choice because she doesn’t understand that her way isn’t necessarily right for everyone. So she would have rained all over things or tried to take over and do things her way. Nothing about the way we choose to include her or leave her out has anything to do with not loving her. She’s my mom and I love her there are also boundaries that need to be set as adult children who live their own lives.

As an adult you should feel free express your feelings and thoughts to her. If she needs to back off some tell her that. Tell her what the boundaries are. She isn't a mind reader. Open communication is a great thing.

I sometimes tell her & sometimes I know she won’t hear me. We have open communication sorta, she’s still my mom, who has her mind made up and can’t see me as an adult. The relationship with my mother of course is complicated. I don’t expect her to read my mind, but she doesn’t always hear me either.