Not sure if this is sexual abuse or not? (Trigger possibly)

[Guest]

My niece who is 7, was talking to me as my DS17 was getting ready last night. He walked out shirtless and asked me to apply some moisturiser on a spot he can't reach which I did. We were standing in the kitchen and I was quick and brisk about it, patting him on the back when I did. The 7yo turns to me and says "No, that's not how you give a massage. (Son's Name) has to lie on the bed and you have to sit on top of him and rub it all over his back". I laughed and said "No sweetie, that's what mommies and daddies do, not mommies and kids", to which she stared at me, shook her head and said "Nuh-uh, Sissy does it all the time to daddy. He gets her to do it when mommy isn't home". I asked why it happens only when her mom isn't home to which she replied "Mommy doesn't like it and says Sissy is doing it to make her mad and calls her words that I can't say". I popped a teddy bear on the couch and asked her to show me, so she turns the teddy onto it's "stomach" and then straddles it- sitting on the bears bottom.

The 'sissy' she is referencing is 17, the man is her step-dad (7yo's bio dad). The 17yo goes to school with my 17yo and DS says that she is quite immature for her age, and doesn't even seem to be able to tell when a guy is trying to "get in her pants" vs just talking to her. She also seems quite isolated and doesn't have many friends. So - what do you guys think? Do I mind my own business or is there more to this?

[famousglm714]

That sounds really suspicious and weird to me. I'd talk to the parents but be prepared to end up the asshole in the situation because the messenger usually is viewed that way unfortunately. I don't think I could keep this to myself. I think there's more to it. I'm getting all grossed out just thinking about it.

[carterscutie85]

It's inappropriate for sure but idk about sexual abuse. Stepdad sounds like a perv. I would tell her Mom.

[Lotus]

At the very least the boundaries are very blurred.
I am betting if this goes unaddressed it wont end well for the 17yr old.
Clearly the mom will blame her and throw her out and he will no doubt get away with taking advantage of the situation and stay. All of this 100% given enough time to unfold.

[caustib]

If she's uncomfortable with it, the label doesn't matter. It just shouldn't be happening. Maybe your DS could drop a hint by the school counselor and they can talk to her. They'll report if they hear anything off.

[Anon]

I would tell the mom and the guidance counselor at school. I would give it a few days then if the neice says its still happening, I would call cps

[PoplarGrove]

The fact that Mom doesn't like it and Dad still makes it happen tells me there's something going on. While it might not be sexual abuse (he's not doing anything to her except having him give her a massage) it sure sounds like sexual grooming and he's taking advantage of the fact that she has no idea what he's doing. If it were me I'd be calling the school and talking to the school counsellor about what's going on. There's a chance it will turn you into the bad guy but it could save your neice from a lot of pain. If she's 17 he could be biding his time untl she's "legal".

[leadfoot40]

Sounds more like an affair than abuse.

[leadfoot40]

Sounds more like an affair than abuse.

[agander2017]

Um... that's just weird. The fact that her mom doesn't like it, and it's only done when she isn't home, raises a red flag for me. I would probably talk to her mom about it, and see what she says. I wouldn't pursue it past that though. Just tell her what the younger daughter said.