Help me figure out what to say to this band director before I lose my temper..,

[Slimshandy]

Back story: my dd plays the clarinet in the school band/ orchestra. We have a wedding to go to for her cousin NEXT AUGUST. Every absence from band that is pre known has to be “approved” by the band director or else the student gets detention.



Now, my dd put her approval papers in yesterday about this school absence since it is happening in Memphis, Tennessee, she’ll miss two days of school to be there, and it’s within the first two weeks of school starting.


This asshole had the gall to tell her the absence wasn’t going to be approved and she would get detention if she missed the practices. This has already been ok’ed by the school itself! They said fine, she can do virtual assignments those two days!


I told her I wouldn’t even allow a detention for this and I would sign her out of school for the time they attempted to give her a detention during. I get it, band is important, but this is a once in a lifetime event and she’s a principal’s roll student. Two days missed is not going to matter in the long run, but being there for the event will.

[Anonymous 1]

Why can’t she go and take the detention? Why do you have to say anything?

[Slimshandy]

Why can’t she go and take the detention? Why do you have to say anything?

Because I’m not about to let her be punished for this. It’s a family trip that she can’t stay behind for.

[Pjmm]

I'd just explain to the band director you really can't leave her at home; the whole family is going, and the school has already approved the trip. But I've heard band can be very strict about missing rehearsal. At least it isn't affecting her grade.

[Murdoc's Mistress]

Tell her she doesn't have to do the detention. Just go to lunch like normal or home like normal. And tell him to get the f**k over it.

[Olioxenfree]

What is the band directors policy on absences and what is their reasoning for denying the absence? I would calmly contact them and ask for a meeting with them and a member of the school administration to discuss why it was denied. Teachers often try to prepare students for the workplace. I’ve worked for multiple companies that have blackout dates and policies for when PTO can be taken or there will be disciplinary consequences.

I would give them a chance to explain themselves before assuming they’re being an asshole, it may be a misunderstanding. And if they don’t have any reason and are just denying it, I would want it to be brought to the attention of the School administration, because just like teachers prepare kids for real life, I would prepare my kids for the times they may have to appropriately advocate for themselves to HR.

[mcginnisc]

This is when you get involved. Period. I had a band director in HS that would schedule concerts the day of the concert and announce it in class. He scheduled one and I had to work that night. I went to work that night instead of the concert. The next day, he reamed me in front of the entire class. I packed up my flute and piccolo, said screw you and walked out. I went to the principal's office and spoke to the principal as well as my counselor and dropped all 3 band classes that I was in. When my mother found out what happened, she went to the director and reamed him out, then the principal and brought it to the BOE's attention. The jackass was put on notice that if the band did not get exceptional at the next competition as well as the following year, he would be fired. He got fired a couple of years after I graduated. You need to tell him she will not be doing a detention at all and he needs to take a step back as the school has approved it. If it was me, I would tell him my daughter would be excused or I would go above his head to not only the principal, but the BOE as well.

[wildflowers25]

Tell him no, that is not happening and he either gets over it or you go to the principal and higher up the ladder if need be. The director at the high school here is responsible for more than half of the band quitting at the end of the first year he taught. He was calling students begging them to rejoin. There were things I did not know about how hateful he truly was to my son and the other students. When I found out, I tore him a new one. I made it clear my daughter was starting high school, I'd be at every practice and if he dared to step out of line, I'd campaign to have him out of that job. He had been fired from his last school when the entire band quit over his behavior.

Sometimes no has to be said, that's not happening and if you want to push it, you won't like the end result.

[KendallsMom]

Ha! That's ridiculous.

I'd have a face to face meeting and tell him she WILL be absent and will NOT be attending your silly detention because of it. Period.

[carterscutie85]

He sounds like a control freak. If he won't budge I'd go to the principal and progressively higher up if I had to.