Wwyd?

[SoFloMom]

I’m sorry. I can imagine how frustrating this is. DS is 15 (with his first gf too) and stubborn AF and swears he knows everything. Please know I sympathize with you on this.

Can you elaborate on why the public schools are shitty? Do they lack challenging honors/AP classes? Are there constant fights? Not safe area?

I’d pull him before he gets expelled. Expulsion will not look to colleges in the future.

As for which school…idk. If it were me, I’d opt for public.

[Anonymous 3]

It's gotten to this point for a reason.

Yes. It's called teenage hormones. I was trying to give him a chance to straighten up but he just won't. I thought if he got close to being expelled he'd stop but that's when he came back with the "If I get expelled I can come back next year" thinking even though me and the school have said that's not how it works. So this whole time he was thinking nbd I'll come back next year. And still thinks that.

He's overly defiant imo. Separate them by putting him in public school in an IB program and see how he does is what I would do for now.

[EarlGrayHot]

Why on Earth area you trying to "set something up" when that relationship is part of the problem?

[carterscutie85]

Why on Earth area you trying to "set something up" when that relationship is part of the problem?

I agree that they shouldn't see each other, now. However other people I've talked to seem to think that they are so PDA because it's their only chance to be together. So I had to clarify that. I've not actually tried to set anything up since they first started dating back in October and that was before all the issues began.

[carterscutie85]

It's gotten to this point for a reason.

Yes. It's called teenage hormones. I was trying to give him a chance to straighten up but he just won't. I thought if he got close to being expelled he'd stop but that's when he came back with the "If I get expelled I can come back next year" thinking even though me and the school have said that's not how it works. So this whole time he was thinking nbd I'll come back next year. And still thinks that.

I’m sorry, but what you are describing is beyond teenage hormones. I’m not saying I agree with the anon above or that he’s a bad kid or you’re a bad parent, there is just more going on than that. Most teenagers have relationships and wouldn’t continue that kind of behavior when faced with expulsion and downplaying it to the level that he is, thinking he can just come back, when the school says he can’t.

I remember thinking I knew better than any adult at that age too. He says he "knows" a kid in a grade above him who claims to have gotten expelled and came back. That kid is lying to make himself look cool. My son won't believe that.

[Traci_Momof2]

My son went to a public charter once and was facing expulsion. I pulled him before it got that far because I really didn't want that on his record. For a year and a half I did K12online at home to get his issues straightened out and then I put him in public school. Public school actually worked better for him than charter or private religious school. I firmly believe that in some instances, public is better than any of those other options.

[Gorilla_Mama]

I would pull him out and try public school. If he keeps acting out there, then we’d try online.

[Baconqueen13]

Sounds like what you need to do is have a talk with him about setting healthy boundaries, appropriate settings for displays of affection, and safe S*x. If you ban him from seeing her he's just going to sneak around and do it anyway. You said he's an honor roll student so it's not affecting his grades only the schools behavioral expectations. Sounds more like she's instigating the PDA and he's simply going along with it. So you need to teach him how to set boundaries with her.

[LiveWhatULove]

Sorry foes, for the wall of text, lol, but…

I would do my research to see what options there are at the faith based schools. Like apply for the scholarships, and what not to see, even though I know it is a lot of work, but then I can clearly tell my kid, “here are your options”.

I would have admin clarify to my son in email or a meeting, about the ramifications of getting expelled are, so he hears it from others, “you will not be re-admitted ever” OR what ever the policy is.

I would also, as cringy as it seems, have him talk through how to tell his GF “no” and explain to me what behavior counts as PDA.

I know this is sort weird…but do you guys have family meals and talk about your days, relationship expectations, peers, school, work, etc. in a more informal conversations. We have found it helpful and the kids so much receptive to life advice when it is just through stories and casual convo. The 3 things that we have talked about for years that apply to this situation are: do not play the “knight” thinking you can “save” the girl on a relationship — date someone mentally strong; appropriate boundaries with relationships, sexually & emotionally; and respect for others. Your son seems to be struggling grasping all 3 of these, and I know these are lessons take years to really set, but I would just continue to discussions with your son.

And last, this may or may not apply to you, as the school might be different, but according to my HS age son, to actually receive disciplinary action for PDA, it has to be fairly significant — meaning do you think your son and his GF could be engaging and close to engaging in S*x when they are not getting caught? I would have this conversation as well, make sure he understands condoms. As the pic you paint of this GF suggests she could be desperate to get out of her situation through any means, even pregnancy.

Good luck, I know it is so hard!

[PoplarGrove]

It's gotten to this point for a reason.

Yes. It's called teenage hormones. I was trying to give him a chance to straighten up but he just won't. I thought if he got close to being expelled he'd stop but that's when he came back with the "If I get expelled I can come back next year" thinking even though me and the school have said that's not how it works. So this whole time he was thinking nbd I'll come back next year. And still thinks that.

That's not hormones. Hormones are being moody and horny. He believes rules don't apply to him. If he's on the honour role and wants to go to post secondary education pull him out now and either send him to the public school which probably isn't going to solve most of these issues or the military school which will hopefully teach him that actions have consequences.