What do you think of this?

Anonymous 1

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We have a list of chores that everyone in the house takes turn doing for one week at a time. We swap out every Monday but this Monday, we were out of town so we didn't do many chores and we weren't eating at home so there were no dishes. Late last night, my husband and I receive this text message from our 15 year old.

"I’m really nervous about this but I just wanted to let you know that my distaste for doing the dishes is a lot more than just me not wanting to do my chores. So, uh, call me dramatic but I’m sending you a list of all the ways that it’s just so much worse for me in my opinion.

First and most obviously, I’m allergic to liquid dish soap when I need to use it.
The smell of wet food makes me gag.
The feeling of wet food makes me gag.
When wet food sloshes around and makes a sound? Makes me gag.
When wet food LOOKS especially gross, it makes me gag.
And this is not metaphorical gagging. All that happening gives me a stomachache and headache.
When dish water splashes on my feet, legs, or arms, it makes those spots really super itchy and uncomfortable.
Having my hands and shirt all wet is sensory hell on top of sensory hell.
Oftentimes having to do all the dishes can be super overwhelming for me too just because of the time commitment and general daunting look of a huge pile of dishes.

What bothers me the most is that you see me on the cameras taking a moment just to breathe over the sink and/or clutching the edge of the counter and/or shaking my hands involuntarily in disgust and discomfort and shrug it off. Regardless, however, this whole thing isn’t about you. (This is factually incorrect- we do have cameras but you cannot see the kitchen sink from any of the cameras so we aren't "watching" them struggling and shrugging it off.)

And I’m not naïve, I know at some point when I move out and such I’ll have to do my own dishes and whatever, but at that point I won’t have to deal with people not fully scraping their plates or such a large pile of dishes made by a family of five.

I would literally rather do ANYTHING else other than do the dishes. I would rather mop the whole house or do everyone’s laundry or switch weekly jobs with someone else. I even tried several bribes tonight to get either K or S to do it for me to no avail until I did half and K reluctantly obliged to do the other half. I have tried and asked time and time again for some kind of compromise with no success. Hopefully with this big ol’ thing we can come to some kind of agreement."
Anonymous 2

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I think you should let her do other chores besides dishes. I believe what she is saying. I have a teenage DD that has always been extremely sensitive to smells and other sensory issues. She gags extremely easily. Please take your child seriously.
Anonymous 1

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Anonymous 2 wrote: Wed May 31, 2023 10:49 am I think you should let her do other chores besides dishes. I believe what she is saying. I have a teenage DD that has always been extremely sensitive to smells and other sensory issues. She gags extremely easily. Please take your child seriously.
She does, she rotates just like everyone else. I asked the other kids how they felt and they agreed that doing the dishes is the worst, that the wet food is disgusting and makes them gag. And I agree, I feel the same way about it. It can make me gag, especially with leftover food. It also hurts my back VERY bad. But we all take our turns, too. I guess I just don't understand how it's different for her than everyone else? Doing dishes is nasty and disgusting and a fact of life...
Deleted User 2267

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Get her dish gloves
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed May 31, 2023 11:00 am
Anonymous 2 wrote: Wed May 31, 2023 10:49 am I think you should let her do other chores besides dishes. I believe what she is saying. I have a teenage DD that has always been extremely sensitive to smells and other sensory issues. She gags extremely easily. Please take your child seriously.
She does, she rotates just like everyone else. I asked the other kids how they felt and they agreed that doing the dishes is the worst, that the wet food is disgusting and makes them gag. And I agree, I feel the same way about it. It can make me gag, especially with leftover food. It also hurts my back VERY bad. But we all take our turns, too. I guess I just don't understand how it's different for her than everyone else? Doing dishes is nasty and disgusting and a fact of life...
You don't understand because you don't have a sensory disorder. She is asking in a very adult manner to change to something else and has listed her reasons why. The fact you're blowing it off in your reply tells me you're not understanding her at all.

I'd change her job.
Anonymous 3

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People who have cameras in their house are weird as hell. This spying on people in their homes, tracking cell phone locations is ridiculous. Outdoor cameras watching people walk their dogs and other crap. Let people be.
Anonymous 1

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jas wrote: Wed May 31, 2023 11:25 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed May 31, 2023 11:00 am
Anonymous 2 wrote: Wed May 31, 2023 10:49 am I think you should let her do other chores besides dishes. I believe what she is saying. I have a teenage DD that has always been extremely sensitive to smells and other sensory issues. She gags extremely easily. Please take your child seriously.
She does, she rotates just like everyone else. I asked the other kids how they felt and they agreed that doing the dishes is the worst, that the wet food is disgusting and makes them gag. And I agree, I feel the same way about it. It can make me gag, especially with leftover food. It also hurts my back VERY bad. But we all take our turns, too. I guess I just don't understand how it's different for her than everyone else? Doing dishes is nasty and disgusting and a fact of life...
You don't understand because you don't have a sensory disorder. She is asking in a very adult manner to change to something else and has listed her reasons why. The fact you're blowing it off in your reply tells me you're not understanding her at all.

I'd change her job.
She doesn't have a sensory disorder, either. She's been evaluated.
Anonymous 1

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Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed May 31, 2023 11:26 am People who have cameras in their house are weird as hell. This spying on people in their homes, tracking cell phone locations is ridiculous. Outdoor cameras watching people walk their dogs and other crap. Let people be.
We got them after a home invasion. I'll keep my cameras and you can take your own advice. Answer the OP or kindly f**k off and let people be.
Anonymous 3

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Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed May 31, 2023 11:28 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed May 31, 2023 11:26 am People who have cameras in their house are weird as hell. This spying on people in their homes, tracking cell phone locations is ridiculous. Outdoor cameras watching people walk their dogs and other crap. Let people be.
We got them after a home invasion. I'll keep my cameras and you can take your own advice. Answer the OP or kindly f**k off and let people be.
How will having a camera help with a home invasion? Get a German Shepherd. That will protect you more in an instant.
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I would tell her that I hear her and I’m not brushing it off as being dramatic and not wanting to do it, but it is something she will have to do in life and everyone has chores they don’t like, so instead of saying she doesn’t have to do it anymore we will work on strategies to help her get through it so she will have those tools as an adult.

She will still have to wash dishes as an adult and even if it isn’t as many, she will still have to find ways to cope with the rest of it. And there is no guarantee that she will just never have to deal with larger amounts of dishes, if she has roommates, ever has a family, has friends over, etc. she will in life have to do things that are overwhelming.

I used to wash dishes at a restaurant when I was a teenager and a lot of the time the red bumps come from the soap sitting on your skin. I would get her dish gloves and teach her to make sure the soap is properly rinsed off her skin afterward. If it’s still a problem and it does seem to be from contact dermatitis, I would try a few hypoallergenic soaps and find one that helps. The gloves will both help both her soap reaction and she won’t have to touch wet food.

We have waterproof aprons that we wear when doing the dishes, to keep our clothes dry. I’d get her one. When I was pregnant the scent of wet food made me gag, so I got a little fan and would clip a cotton ball dipped in essential oils to it and blow it toward my face while washing dishes, it helped a ton. For the sound, I would have her try wearing headphones with music to block it out. For the overwhelming amount, we would work on stress techniques, likes breaking it down into smaller goals. First just focus on plates, then silverware, then cups, try some breathing techniques, etc. My daughter gets very overwhelmed with large tasks so we have taught her to think of them as smaller steps, start small and work your way through.

I would talk to the whole family about making a conscious effort to properly scrape off their dishes before putting them in the sink, and I would enforce it. I would have a conversation with her and stress that I do take what she says seriously, she is not being ignored, and we will do everything we can to help the task seem more comfortable to her. I would stress the reasons why it’s important that she works through this and why I’m not just letting her not do it anymore. It will take a lot of work, but it is important that we help her through this so she will have this skill and can also use these tactics for other overwhelming tasks in life.
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