I'm Never Going To Be An Empty-Nester!

Anonymous 3

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WellPreserved wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 8:54 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 8:49 am I raised my kids so that they would be successful. They went to university and then had careers that made it so they could live on their own.
I'm really proud of both my kids as they are both super successful in their unique ways.
If they were "super successful" they wouldn't be living at home 🤷🏼‍♀️.
WellPreserved
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Anonymous 3 wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 8:57 am
WellPreserved wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 8:54 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 8:49 am I raised my kids so that they would be successful. They went to university and then had careers that made it so they could live on their own.
I'm really proud of both my kids as they are both super successful in their unique ways.
If they were "super successful" they wouldn't be living at home 🤷🏼‍♀️.
I guess it's how you base success? Both have wonderful jobs, are active and well respected in our community, supportive of each other and me, manage their finances well, and are functionally independent except for their address so in my opinion, they are "super successful"🤷‍♀️
"The books that the world calls immoral are books that show its own shame." - Oscar Wilde
Momto2boys973
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I agree with both of you. 18 isn’t a magical age and it definitely doesn’t mean a kid turns into an adult. It’s just a legal number that was necessary to determine “adulthood”, but it doesn’t mean it’s accurate. Besides, I’ll be a mom forever, not for 18 years.
There’s also a cultural element, I think. Here it would be unthinkable to kick your kid out just because they turned 18. In fact, the norm here is you move out when you get married. But it’s also not unheard of to have some multigenerational households. I lived at home until I got married. Same with my brother, my husband and my sils and pretty much everyone I know.
My oldest is 19, he’s weighing some college options to start this year. If he chooses to study here and not abroad, he’s welcome to stay home free of charge. Same for my youngest, who just turned 17. He’s studying high school abroad, but if he decides to go to the university here, he’ll probably be living at home.
Heyteacher wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 7:55 am Lucky kiddos and lucky momma! I feel the same way—while I will want them to contribute-“pay rent”. At the same time I won’t put them out just because the world seems them adults either. My obligation doesn’t end just because the government says so.

WellPreserved wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 7:39 am
Heyteacher wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 7:22 am My kids will always be welcome in our home provided they are working or in school. As such they will pay rent if it’s the former, thus as a landlord I will have my space and they theirs.
My kids are working and while they don't pay rent (I don't have a mortgage), they do contribute to utilities, groceries, and other household bills. Rent and property prices have blown up in our area so I don't see them moving out anytime soon.

Not going to lie, I really like having them here! They each have their own private space but shared spaces include kitchen which is also my office, and bathrooms so we interact constantly. I only go to my room to sleep, lol.

Both my son and his girlfriend are on the Autism Spectrum and require some support so there would have to be a lot of things put into place before they moved out. My daughter is running for our local Town Council and if she wins, she'll have to remain living here for four more years, lol.

I don't know why this post was Anon. I'm a pretty open book and this is a light post!
❤️🇮🇱 עמ׳ ישראל חי 🇮🇱❤️
Anonymous 3

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WellPreserved wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 9:14 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 8:57 am
WellPreserved wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 8:54 am

I'm really proud of both my kids as they are both super successful in their unique ways.
If they were "super successful" they wouldn't be living at home 🤷🏼‍♀️.
I guess it's how you base success? Both have wonderful jobs, are active and well respected in our community, supportive of each other and me, manage their finances well, and are functionally independent except for their address so in my opinion, they are "super successful"🤷‍♀️
If they have wonderful jobs why are they not buying their own homes or at least renting something?

My kids do all of those things plus are living on their own and more.
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Anonymous 3 wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 9:25 am
WellPreserved wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 9:14 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 8:57 am

If they were "super successful" they wouldn't be living at home 🤷🏼‍♀️.
I guess it's how you base success? Both have wonderful jobs, are active and well respected in our community, supportive of each other and me, manage their finances well, and are functionally independent except for their address so in my opinion, they are "super successful"🤷‍♀️
If they have wonderful jobs why are they not buying their own homes or at least renting something?

My kids do all of those things plus are living on their own and more.
Cost and availability. Good for your kids!
"The books that the world calls immoral are books that show its own shame." - Oscar Wilde
SallyMae
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I guess it depends on how much money you want to waste duplicating resources. Our economy splits households into the smallest possible units so that everyone has to pay for a separate home, separate furniture, separate housewares, separate cars, separate insurance, etc. Better for the economy maybe, but many times more expensive.

Our young adults live at home and we are pooling our resources so we all have more. Humans always lived in multi-generational families, up until a mere hundred years ago or so. The artificial nuclear family is weak and fragile, easily shattered - there is strength in numbers, and it's better for mental health to have a strong support system. We all have our own space and we all get along and have fun. It's working for us, for now.
mommy_jules
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I don’t have any adult kids yet, but I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever be an empty nester as well. Oldest DS has AuDHD. He’s bright and loves to learn, but his social skills and executive functioning are lacking. He excels in the rigid structure/routine of school, but what happens when he no longer has that structure.

I would think setting a dedicated time and place for alone time might be best. Be intentional about it, and make everyone else aware you are doing “me time” or whatever you want to call it.
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I will never be an empty nester as I have a special needs son.

However, I encourage my children to stay home and save, save, save and to also get a few things they made have always wanted but was cost prohibitive because life is waiting and once you enter it there is no turning back, and by that I mean- I give them every Opportunity to leave this house set and ready, there is no coming home (baring a catastrophic event).

Three of them left and entered their own homes where they had large down payments. One daughter did that and just graduated with her RN and very little student debt. One went to trade school, no debt, and is now a regional manager and something to do with advertising for her company. The other has no debt, 2.2 kids, a good job and house flips with his wife. This all happened (minus the kids) in their very early 20’s.

I still have 4 at home, 2 just entered adulthood and are doing the same thing. No one paid rent but they did help out.

As for alone time…close the door. I’m guessing you have a room.
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"Sucess" has many definitions and not always are they about the accomplishments we produce in our lives.

We have three adult children. All three are college grads, with one having worked in her field since 2007. One just had a baby two months ago. The third works full-time and both he and his girlfriend live with us due to AZ's incredibly high cost of rents and mortgages.

We've always had a "our house, your house" philosophy with our kid's and for our son and his girlfriend, their "success" is from realizing just how ridiculous it would be for them to try to move out at this time with the economy in the shape it is.

We make it work. It's a shared home but they have their section and we have ours.
Momto2boys973
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The question is why should they? Why do you assume is something everyone needs to do in order to show “success”? There are many reasons why multigenerational households exist and work well around the world. Living on your own isn’t proof of success either. There are plenty of people who are very unsuccessful and live alone. Maybe they would be more successful if they had a close support system. On that same token, there are successful individuals that still live with family and probably have enjoyed a stronger support system that contributes to their success.
Anonymous 3 wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 9:25 am
WellPreserved wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 9:14 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Tue May 23, 2023 8:57 am

If they were "super successful" they wouldn't be living at home 🤷🏼‍♀️.
I guess it's how you base success? Both have wonderful jobs, are active and well respected in our community, supportive of each other and me, manage their finances well, and are functionally independent except for their address so in my opinion, they are "super successful"🤷‍♀️
If they have wonderful jobs why are they not buying their own homes or at least renting something?

My kids do all of those things plus are living on their own and more.
❤️🇮🇱 עמ׳ ישראל חי 🇮🇱❤️
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