Venting about husband

[Olioxenfree]

My husbands parents were very sheltering of his sister growing up and had a lot of double standards for boys and girls, so he knows what it does and is the opposite. As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, he is very much in the mind that the kids have bodily autonomy and decide what they are comfortable with wearing.

Our almost ten year old daughter hasn’t shown any signs of puberty and doesn’t need a bralette, but she wants to wear them because a lot of her friends do, so we let her, no big deal. In the summer I run in a sports bra and compression shorts, we live in Virginia and it’s hot out so that’s what I’m comfortable in, so I’m not going to tell her that she can’t. There’s nothing sexual about a child’s undergarments. We also keep period products in the kids bathroom even though she hasn’t started her period, so she gets used to having them around. Plus we have almost 12 and 13 year old boys, so a lot of their female friends may need them when they come over.

[KendallsMom]

My husband has like zero clue about young/teen girl stuff. If I would have come home with a sports bra for her at age 5 he wouldn't even know what age you start buying stuff so he would say nothing. She is now 16 and just leaves the shopping, period stuff etc up to me. Which is fine. I'm sure if I would have died a long time ago he would have figured stuff out but I'm alive so...lol.

Same here.

[Valentina327]

That sounds like an awfully dramatic reaction to have, and a very odd accusation. I'd be pretty taken aback as well.

I wonder if there isn't something more going on in his head. Maybe something weird happened in his family years ago?

[Anonymous 6]

Wow. I wouldn't be with someone who is so disgusting.

[Nvl0707]

He’s the one sexualizing a child.

[cgd5112]

I'd be annoyed by his reaction and accusations. However, it can also be that he just doesn't want his little girl to grow up , as he sees, too soon. Maybe somewhere in his head he thinks you're having an easier time accepting that your daughter is growing up and he feels that you both should feel the sane- which is trying to hold on to het childhood as long ad possible. I'm nit saying he's right/wrong. Just saying he may feel something like this.

[PoplarGrove]

it sounds like he's scared that his little girl's growing up. NOT that his reaction was right but I can see where his reaction might come from. Wearing a bra means she's nearing the age where men don't look at his baby as a little girl anymore but like a sexual creature. I don't know what kind of teenager your husband was or what kind of teenage males he hung around with but the tables might now have turned for him.

I wasn't allowed to wear a bikini until I was 18 because my parents had some fucked up views on sexuality. I'd suggest you talk to him to figure out what exactly his real issue is (when you're both calm).

[SisterSomeone]

I have a son and my stepdaughter was already wearing bras before I was in her life, so I've got nothing.

However, I'm stuck on "he forbids it". The minute someone tries to forbid me to do something that doesn't actually require their permission or even agreement, I F***ing lose it. I'm not capable of having a rational discussion when that language is being used. I hear the words "forbid" or "allow", and all I can think is, who the actual everloving f**k do you think you are to think that your permission is at all relevant.

So... kudos on not strangling him?