Am I in the wrong for this?

[Anonymous 1]

My step son (15) always puts his graded papers on the counter next to our trash can. We look at his papers, tell him good work, and throw them away. I've asked him in the past if he still needed them and I've even left them there for a long time to see if he took them back. He never took them back and always said he didn't need them, so I started throwing them away.

This morning, he texted the group chat that he needed a paper and wanted to know if we kept them. I did not answer because we have a struggling relationship and I wanted to let his dad, my husband, answer. I texted my husband that I always throw away the papers. I am at work and so is my husband. About 10 minutes go by and my step son starts aggressively texting the chat, "HELLO?" over and over again. At that point, my husband answered, "Sorry, we don't have the papers" and then he texted me that he also always throws them away.

Then I texted my husband and asked, "Should we tell him that we will start putting the papers back in his room now?" and my husband replied with yes, go ahead, so I did. And my step son disliked the text.

It's super annoying to me that he was aggressively texting the chat and that he disliked my message. Would you respond to this at all? Was I in the wrong? Would you just let it go?

[LuckyEightWow]

Just let it go.

[mcginnisc]

It's not a hill that I would die on. I would let it go. He disliked the text..so what? He's irritated already so it was most likely a knee jerk reaction and would probably have disliked it if his dad sent it too.
I don't understand why you would throw away his papers though. I would have put them into a manila envelope and put it somewhere safe just in case as you never know if he is ever going to need them again. This also falls on him as *he* could have picked them up and put them in a folder or envelope in his room for further study use or whatever. Everyone is culpable for not having the paper.

[PoplarGrove]

No one's in the wrong. He's 15. Hormones turn teenagers in to assholes sometimes and he can be an asshole to you because you guys are safe. When he's not drowning emotions sit down as a group and come up with a solution that works for all of you. And don't take it personally.

[Anonymous 2]

Just let it go. He's allowed to be frustrated at the situation and the thumbs down could have meant thanks but that doesn't help me right not type thing. If they are typed maybe he has it saved on the computer and just isn't thinking about that option

[Olioxenfree]

He’s a teenager, they don’t always tend to be the best at being considerate of others. I’m not saying it’s acceptable behavior, but it also isn’t very unexpected and I wouldn’t take it super personally and get upset over it. I would just have your husband have a calm discussion with him of “I know you might have needed that paper, but we’ve asked you before and you said you were fine with them being tossed. We can’t have a stack of papers living on the counter. You’re responsible for your own papers. I understand you might have been upset or frustrated but it isn’t okay to take that out on others.” Discuss the behavior and provide other ways that it could have been communicated. But, this is pretty trivial when it comes to kids.

[carterscutie85]

Eh. I wouldn't let it upset me. He's being a typical hormonal teenager. I would buy him a large tote to start keeping his papers in in his room.

[LiveWhatULove]

Idk, I have a good relationship with my kids, so I can only answer from that perspective.

And as I know how frustrating it is when I need an answer & from kids or hubby and yet they won’t respond to my text, I would have responded right away, with a “I am so sorry, it’s gone, we had no idea you needed that paper.”

I probably would have dropped it there until I saw him to continue the conversations in person.

But if a child snaps at me, or in this case disliked a comment,
I flat out share my emotional state with my children now that they are older, as in, “I felt guilty when you disliked my comment, like why’d you do that, I hate the fact that we threw that away & caused you more work, I did not do it on purpose though.”

And at that point, all 3 of my kids will be something like, “it’s OK mom, I was just upset, I had to re-do the whole thing, and so&so already had me in a bad mood because he mocked my hair…” or something like that. They usually either directly apologize or indirectly — sometimes as parents we just get the brunt of anger, as they know we will still love them later!!

[Deleted User 1977]

He's human and got upset.

I think a valuable lesson can be learned by all three of you here. HE can learn to keep track of his own papers and both you and his dad can just put his papers in his room if he doesn't.

This too shall pass.

[KendallsMom]

You didn't answer a simple question from your SS in a group chat because you have a "struggling" relationship?