What am I supposed to do with this

[Anonymous 1]

My husband normally treats me very well. He is normally loving and affectionate, patient and understanding, does nice things for me, etc. But then when we have an argument, he balls up his fists and blocks the door so I can't leave, physically intimidating me. I try to go to bed and he repeatedly rips the covers off of me. I try to go sleep on the couch and he comes in there insisting I go back to bed. I go to work upset and he comes up to my job insisting I talk to him and making a scene when all I ask for is to be left alone. Last month, he pushed me and hurt my neck and everyone here acts like it was no big deal and I was overreacting. I feel like he has slowly become controlling of every aspect of my life. At what point do you consider someone abusive and that it isn't just a one time mistake, or that this isn't my fault and I don't deserve this. How do you turn this around and come back from this.

[carterscutie85]

Intimidation is abuse. Your husband is abusive. It doesn't matter that he normally treats you good. That's how abusers work. They are nice most of the time and then have episodes like your DH does. They do this so that you excuse the bad behaviors which is exactly what you are doing.

[Pjmm]

The first time he came to my job would be the last. Ripping the covers off might not do it but pushing would. I can’t give a lot of advice but in my case I told my family and friends what happened. My parents came and helped me get out. I didn’t have to file a restraining order thankfully but I told my job he comes around send him on his way. He never did. We weren’t married though.

[Anonymous 2]

Who is "everyone here"

[MonarchMom]

He has already crossed the line into abuse when he ignores your wish to be left alone, sleep where you wish, and treat you and your work life with respect. Please get more information on this dynamic.

https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/

[Baconqueen13]

So the actions you are describing where there is periods of love and affection followed by irrational actions and intimidating you in an argument. That's called Love Bombing and is a tactic narcissists use in their abuse of their victims.....as for the neck incident...I seem to recall when you posted it happened when watching a movie on the couch and you did not provide adequate details to determine whether it was intentional or accidental ( you said he never had done anything like that) and were given suggestions and advice based on that but let me see if I can find the post.


Was this it?
viewtopic.php?t=39886


Having "anger issues" is a red flag for abuse.

[Deleted User 1977]

He IS abusive and needs tremendous help for his severe passive-aggressive behavior with you.

Is there anywhere that you can go to get away from him? Are you emotionally strong enough to file a restraining order against him so he can't come to your work?

Please please take care of YOU and get away from him. I realize it's not going to be easy to leave but you deserve much better.

[Olioxenfree]

Physically intimidating and manipulating someone is abusive behavior. When you posted about him pushing you off his lap when you unexpectedly plopped down in him, you said that he had never done anything like that before and was always a kind and gentle person. So yes, people on here did say that maybe it was a reflexive reaction.

If he’s doing all of the other things that you list, that is a whole different issue as those behaviors are abusive regardless of if he actually puts his hands on you. I would have a conversation with him and tell him that the pressure that he puts on you and the ways he tries to control you is not healthy or acceptable so he needs to get help for his anger and learn healthy ways to express himself because I’m not tolerating it anymore.

[Traci_Momof2]

You leave him. That's what you do.

[Anonymous 3]

I ain't afraid to love a man and I ain't afraid to shoot him either.

He's abusing you. Time to bounce.