Would you want to know?

[Anonymous 2]

You say that he’s stoic. Maybe that’s just a facade he shows, but in reality he has a harder time dealing with things like these. Maybe the death of the parents he was devoted to is too much for him to handle.
Maybe try talking to him before making assumptions and judging him unfairly.

The only assumption I made is that something must have happened to make him suddenly change his behavior. As in, my parents must have done something, or perhaps he's depressed about something else. I don't really see how that's a judgment.

But, cool. I was just wondering if anyone else would find this strange or want to know what was up. Apparently, no one else would.

I think a couple of us said talk to him. I tried to talk to my son about his father because he seemed unemotional. He said he was sad but didn't want to discuss it. He also didn't want a viewing. I don't think either of my kids wanted to remember their dad in the coffin kwim? We're saying don't judge your brother. Might be nothing changed, that he is busy or couldn't get the time off. Ask him about it.

[Baconqueen13]

Did you ever think maybe he's just busy? Or maybe he doesn't want to actively watch his parents dying....nothing has to have happened, he just processes differently and doesn't want his last memory of them to be negative. You're being an ass about it trying to guilt trip him into doing something he clearly doesn't want to do by inviting all sorts of people and throwing a party.

How am I being an asshole when I haven't said two words to him about it? Trying to guilt trip HIM by planning a birthday party for my mom? That I asked him about first? What?????

You called him to ask if he had a weekend free first... Then made ALL the arrangements, and then called and told him about it...... yeah, it was a guilt trip. Would you have planned anything at all if he had said No to having a weekend free? Did you tell him in the first call that you were going to do all this? What you did was manipulative and an asshole move.

[Anonymous 5]

Maybe he just can't bring himself to see his parents like that.

[Deleted User 1977]

Even adults can have a very hard time with the idea of the impending death of a loved one, especially a parent.

To that person, the loved one doesn't exist as they once did and shutting out the grief of the reality of the situation is how they'll respond to everything. Not healthy but it does occur.

[Valentina327]

I'm wondering if it's something as simple as a fear of hospitals (it can cause major anxiety and/or panic attacks for some people) and/or not wanting to watch his parents decline. Some people just don't want that to be their last memory.

Have you actually tried to talk to your brother about it? Show some compassion and understanding and ask him what's going on with him?

No, like I said, I haven't brought it up to him at all. I'm not without compassion, I'm just saying I don't understand it. All I was wondering is if other people would find this sudden change in behavior strange and if you would want to talk to him about it. I'm not being judgmental or lacking compassion at all. I would never "confront" my brother in an aggressive way.

He might be pulling away in order to distance himself, figuring it'll be easier to handle her leaving. As long as he's aware that this is the end, and you're not withholding information from him, you've done all you can. I wouldn't bring it up. There's no point.

My sister and I handled my Ma's declining years very differently. She didn't want to see our ma like that, while I felt it was my duty to visit regularly. She had Alzheimer's, so she didn't know who was there. But I knew.

I sat vigil the last week of my ma's life, right next to my Dad. My sister and the kids came a week before when she'd taken a turn and they didn't come back. They'd said their goodbyes then.

That's how she manages. I felt that my place was by her and my dad's side for this transition. My sister didn't want to watch her fade for a week.

I'm comfortable with how I handled things, as is she. Grief is a very strange and very individual thing. The extreme grief of the loss of a parent is really something on a whole other level.

Best of luck to you and your mom and family. I hope both you and she find peace and your time with her is memorable.

[Momto2boys973]

No need to get defensive. I merely said to talk to him before making assumptions and judgments, not that that’s what you’re doing. But the direction your mind (and your mom’s) seem to be going, looking at why he’s mad or offended, could very well be wrong and could make you assume and judge wrongly. So try talking to him before that happens.

You say that he’s stoic. Maybe that’s just a facade he shows, but in reality he has a harder time dealing with things like these. Maybe the death of the parents he was devoted to is too much for him to handle.
Maybe try talking to him before making assumptions and judging him unfairly.

The only assumption I made is that something must have happened to make him suddenly change his behavior. As in, my parents must have done something, or perhaps he's depressed about something else. I don't really see how that's a judgment.

But, cool. I was just wondering if anyone else would find this strange or want to know what was up. Apparently, no one else would.

[LiveWhatULove]

At best, it was a falling out, that he is not sharing.

In the middle of the road, it shows a psychological hang-up of avoidance or cowardice.

And worst, if they were good parents (meaning not toxic, not abusive, but rather caring supportive folks for their 80 years) who are having emotional distress over his behavior — I think it selfish and mean.

I’d totally want to know why my sister was acting like that!

[mommy_jules]

If it was my sisters or brother, yes I’d want to know. I would have already asked by now, too.

[Anonymous 6]

Maybe he just can't bring himself to see his parents like that.

He needs to be an adult and be there for his mother. No one wants to see their parents like that. No one likes visiting hospitals. But most of us do it anyway because these are our loved ones, our family. But this man is leaving his sister to carry this weight all on her own. She’s going to be there for her mother so she doesn’t die alone just like she did for her father. That’s really selfish of him.

[Anonymous 5]

Maybe he just can't bring himself to see his parents like that.

He needs to be an adult and be there for his mother. No one wants to see their parents like that. No one likes visiting hospitals. But most of us do it anyway because these are our loved ones, our family. But this man is leaving his sister to carry this weight all on her own. She’s going to be there for her mother so she doesn’t die alone just like she did for her father. That’s really selfish of him.

No he doesn't need to do anything different. It's not selfish that he can't handle it. You are disgusting.

Where has OP been while bro has been taking care of their parents on his own for years? It's pretty selfish she has not helped like he has and has made him do it.