In some states, an unpaid foster care bill could mean parents lose their kids forever

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Murdoc's Mistress
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Francee89 wrote: Tue Jan 24, 2023 3:49 pm
Thelma Harper wrote: Tue Jan 24, 2023 7:50 am "In 2021, the Supreme Court of North Carolina ruled that one of their sons — who was then 5 — was properly placed for adoption on the grounds that the Cunninghams had failed to reimburse the government for some of the cost of their child's foster care."

😬🥺
Even if this little boy is adopted immediately out of the system by loving, non-abusive people (and that’s unfortunately a big if), I can’t imagine how traumatic it could be for him to one day find out his siblings were raised together with their parents, who wanted to keep all of them, and that was denied to him because the state treated him like the human version of a repossessed car.
No doubt his fake parents will tell him nothing but lies to justify why he was the only one adopted out.

ETA for clarification - I do not think all adoptive homes are fake. I am speaking specific to situations like this article is addressing. People that think nothing of adopting a child whose parents' only crime was an unpaid bill would make them no different than accomplices playing make believe until the child learns the truth. Imagine coming of age and finding out you were sold off by the state over a debt your parents owed.
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Momto2boys973
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I understand your frustration, but please don’t call adoptive parents “fake”. As an adopted person myself, I find that very insulting.
And why are you vilifying them without knowing all the facts? They lawfully adopted a child. If the law sucks, that’s not their fault. They may not even know all the facts.
Murdoc's Mistress wrote: Fri Jan 27, 2023 11:00 am
Francee89 wrote: Tue Jan 24, 2023 3:49 pm
Thelma Harper wrote: Tue Jan 24, 2023 7:50 am "In 2021, the Supreme Court of North Carolina ruled that one of their sons — who was then 5 — was properly placed for adoption on the grounds that the Cunninghams had failed to reimburse the government for some of the cost of their child's foster care."

😬🥺
Even if this little boy is adopted immediately out of the system by loving, non-abusive people (and that’s unfortunately a big if), I can’t imagine how traumatic it could be for him to one day find out his siblings were raised together with their parents, who wanted to keep all of them, and that was denied to him because the state treated him like the human version of a repossessed car.
No doubt his fake parents will tell him nothing but lies to justify why he was the only one adopted out.
❤️🇮🇱 עמ׳ ישראל חי 🇮🇱❤️
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Murdoc's Mistress wrote: Fri Jan 27, 2023 11:00 am
Francee89 wrote: Tue Jan 24, 2023 3:49 pm
Thelma Harper wrote: Tue Jan 24, 2023 7:50 am "In 2021, the Supreme Court of North Carolina ruled that one of their sons — who was then 5 — was properly placed for adoption on the grounds that the Cunninghams had failed to reimburse the government for some of the cost of their child's foster care."

😬🥺
Even if this little boy is adopted immediately out of the system by loving, non-abusive people (and that’s unfortunately a big if), I can’t imagine how traumatic it could be for him to one day find out his siblings were raised together with their parents, who wanted to keep all of them, and that was denied to him because the state treated him like the human version of a repossessed car.
No doubt his fake parents will tell him nothing but lies to justify why he was the only one adopted out.
Yikes.. fake? I mean.. I understand where you are coming from as children should stay with their bio families unless absolutely necessary and TPR due to lack of payment is not ok, but to call people fake is just cruel. The same people that have forced the TPR are the same ones giving information to the new parents. Do you really think that people that have been underhanded and forced TPR would be forthcoming with: this child is only available because the bio parents could not pay fees required by the state so we just took them away? The odds are slim that the new parents know this information so they are also being caught in this web of lies.

That said, I'm an adoptive parent to a little girl internationally adopted. She would have lived in an orphanage until 13 and then tossed into the street as by law they are not allowed to stay at the SWI after 13 years of age unless they have a medical disabililty. We have no information about her first family as she was found on the beach with no note or anything. We brought her home at 17 months old so we are all she has ever known. We have tried to find her first family, but have been unsuccessful over the years. She is now 17 and I can guarantee that if you ever called us "fake" in front of her, she would have some serious words for you. Adoptees do not deserve to be denigrated for being adopted, nor do their families.
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So, if the child is removed from the home because the parents are living in poverty, then the parents are forced to pay a bill for the care and can possibly have the child taken away again for being poor and not being able to pay the bill? That's absurd. Put it on their credit, but don't take kids away for that.
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Carpy wrote: Fri Jan 27, 2023 6:21 am The bigger question is why were they in foster care?
Kids get taken in to foster care every day but they goal is to reunite them with parents. If parents have done all the necessary work to get their kids back (supervised visits, substance abuse treatment, parenting classes, etc), then they should have the chance to be parents again. Unpaid bills over debt they did not even expect to accrue is not a reason to revoke parental rights.
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mcginnisc wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 10:32 am
Murdoc's Mistress wrote: Fri Jan 27, 2023 11:00 am
Francee89 wrote: Tue Jan 24, 2023 3:49 pm

Even if this little boy is adopted immediately out of the system by loving, non-abusive people (and that’s unfortunately a big if), I can’t imagine how traumatic it could be for him to one day find out his siblings were raised together with their parents, who wanted to keep all of them, and that was denied to him because the state treated him like the human version of a repossessed car.
No doubt his fake parents will tell him nothing but lies to justify why he was the only one adopted out.
Yikes.. fake? I mean.. I understand where you are coming from as children should stay with their bio families unless absolutely necessary and TPR due to lack of payment is not ok, but to call people fake is just cruel. The same people that have forced the TPR are the same ones giving information to the new parents. Do you really think that people that have been underhanded and forced TPR would be forthcoming with: this child is only available because the bio parents could not pay fees required by the state so we just took them away? The odds are slim that the new parents know this information so they are also being caught in this web of lies.

That said, I'm an adoptive parent to a little girl internationally adopted. She would have lived in an orphanage until 13 and then tossed into the street as by law they are not allowed to stay at the SWI after 13 years of age unless they have a medical disabililty. We have no information about her first family as she was found on the beach with no note or anything. We brought her home at 17 months old so we are all she has ever known. We have tried to find her first family, but have been unsuccessful over the years. She is now 17 and I can guarantee that if you ever called us "fake" in front of her, she would have some serious words for you. Adoptees do not deserve to be denigrated for being adopted, nor do their families.
I should have clarified. I do not think all are fake. Most are freakin' awesome. But in a situation like this, where they adopt a child because the parents were TPR'd over a bill - yes, they're fake. Their adoption is corrupt at best because they didn't help a child, they helped themselves to a child who should have gone back home. Those folks will be in for a rude awakening when the child finds out they were adopted out by the state over a damned bill.
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I mean, kids don't go into foster care in the first place over nothing. The birth parents have already shown in some way that they are not fit. If now their obstacle is paying a bill and they can't pay it, how are they expected to pay for all their child's needs? Fact of the matter is, children cost money, and if you can't get your shit together, including your financial shit, then why should you have your kid back?

I'm not pretending to know the details of any scenarios but I generally don't care about birth parent feelings. I care about the child's feelings and what's best for the child, and birth parents aren't always best just because they share DNA.
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jessilin0113 wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 1:40 pm
Carpy wrote: Fri Jan 27, 2023 6:21 am The bigger question is why were they in foster care?
Kids get taken in to foster care every day but they goal is to reunite them with parents. If parents have done all the necessary work to get their kids back (supervised visits, substance abuse treatment, parenting classes, etc), then they should have the chance to be parents again. Unpaid bills over debt they did not even expect to accrue is not a reason to revoke parental rights.
I worked that system for10 years. That is why it's the bigger question to me.
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You can hate that law all you want, but that doesn’t make that adoption corrupt and unlawful because it is done according to the law.
And you’re assuming the adoptive parents are participants in a “corrupt” adoption when they simply adopted a boy that was put up for adoption according to the law. Don’t take it out on them because you disagree with this law. Do something to try to change it. You’re vilifying them without even knowing the facts, just because you hate this law, so obviously they are horrible people from benefiting from it, even if they don’t have all the facts themselves or are doing something good for this child, since they won’t change the law by refusing to adopt him.
And even if they knew all the facts, what do you expect them to do? Not give the boy a loving home because the law is unfair? Leave him hanging and hope he doesn’t end up in a bad situation because they got all higher than thou? If that’s the law, then the boy won’t be returned to his parents just because they get on a soapbox and refuse to adopt him. And that’s better for that child how, exactly?
Murdoc's Mistress wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 1:41 pm
mcginnisc wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 10:32 am
Murdoc's Mistress wrote: Fri Jan 27, 2023 11:00 am

No doubt his fake parents will tell him nothing but lies to justify why he was the only one adopted out.
Yikes.. fake? I mean.. I understand where you are coming from as children should stay with their bio families unless absolutely necessary and TPR due to lack of payment is not ok, but to call people fake is just cruel. The same people that have forced the TPR are the same ones giving information to the new parents. Do you really think that people that have been underhanded and forced TPR would be forthcoming with: this child is only available because the bio parents could not pay fees required by the state so we just took them away? The odds are slim that the new parents know this information so they are also being caught in this web of lies.

That said, I'm an adoptive parent to a little girl internationally adopted. She would have lived in an orphanage until 13 and then tossed into the street as by law they are not allowed to stay at the SWI after 13 years of age unless they have a medical disabililty. We have no information about her first family as she was found on the beach with no note or anything. We brought her home at 17 months old so we are all she has ever known. We have tried to find her first family, but have been unsuccessful over the years. She is now 17 and I can guarantee that if you ever called us "fake" in front of her, she would have some serious words for you. Adoptees do not deserve to be denigrated for being adopted, nor do their families.
I should have clarified. I do not think all are fake. Most are freakin' awesome. But in a situation like this, where they adopt a child because the parents were TPR'd over a bill - yes, they're fake. Their adoption is corrupt at best because they didn't help a child, they helped themselves to a child who should have gone back home. Those folks will be in for a rude awakening when the child finds out they were adopted out by the state over a damned bill.
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Carpy wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 6:57 pm
jessilin0113 wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 1:40 pm
Carpy wrote: Fri Jan 27, 2023 6:21 am The bigger question is why were they in foster care?
Kids get taken in to foster care every day but they goal is to reunite them with parents. If parents have done all the necessary work to get their kids back (supervised visits, substance abuse treatment, parenting classes, etc), then they should have the chance to be parents again. Unpaid bills over debt they did not even expect to accrue is not a reason to revoke parental rights.
I worked that system for10 years. That is why it's the bigger question to me.
I work for it now. Unexpected bills would cripple 50% of the population in general. I don't think it's a reason to terminate rights if they can otherwise meet basic needs and have corrected the problem that sent the kids away in the first place.
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