I gave up on my dad and he is likely going to die

Anonymous 1

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He had end stage renal disease. He is on dialysis three days a week. He had been refusing a lot lately. He doesn't want to sit for 4-5 hours hooked up to a machine. He doesn't want to miss TV shows or games he wants to watch. He doesn't want to miss out on meals with friends. He doesn't want to miss out on opportunities to meet girls. He doesn't feel good. The list of excuses goes on and on.

He used to be very compliant with his care and I just would pick him up and drive him to dialysis. Now it's a fight three times a week. I have to fight him to get out of bed, to get dressed, to get in his wheel chair, to get in the car, to go into the appointment, to sit through the appointment, it's awful. I've told him he is going to die without treatment. He says he doesn't believe it and even if it was true he doesn't care. He's only 61 years old. If he skips dialysis and he feels bad enough he just goes to the hospital to get admitted, get his dialysis, and then leave AMA when it's done or even halfway through.

The doctor had a big conversation with him. That he is actually going to die without his dialysis. Dad tells him the same thing that he doesn't care or that he's okay with dying.

I told him a month ago I was not going to continue arguing with him about dialysis and that if he wasn't ready and waiting to go to his appointment that I would not longer put in effort to drive him. He doesn't like being told what to do so he wasn't ready for any appointments.

I set up a transportation service that will show up at the right time three times a week and if he's not ready they leave. I no longer will go out of my way to help him. I will not fight with him. I can't make him get help. I can't educate him more on his condition and why dialysis is important. I can't make him do his appointments. He's the only one who can help himself. It is his job to do this. He needs to step up and get the help he needs or he will die. I can't keep putting that responsibility on myself, it's impossible and making my quality of life horrible. So I gave up. I set him up with what he needs and it is in his hands now. If he doesn't want dialysis he should just go on hospice.
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carterscutie85
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A lot of people who are sick get like that. I can understand it.

I was low contact with my Dad before he died. I knew he'd never stop drinking which is what killed him. I couldn't watch him kill himself. It's completely OK to step back for your mental health.
Anonymous 2

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As hard as it is for you, your dad needs to be in control of his own treatment or lack of treatment.
Anonymous 1

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Anonymous 2 wrote: Sat Sep 24, 2022 1:39 pm As hard as it is for you, your dad needs to be in control of his own treatment or lack of treatment.
I know. It just sucks because the doctor told him that he will likely be dead within a month maybe two depending on how much he skips. He will likely go into cardiac arrest which is probably not the worst way for him to die. I just wish it wasn't so soon.
Anonymous 3

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Blah, Blah, Blah
Anonymous 1

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Anonymous 3 wrote: Sat Sep 24, 2022 1:46 pmBlah, Blah, Blah
Woah, are you always so rude?
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jas
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Sat Sep 24, 2022 1:49 pm
Anonymous 3 wrote: Sat Sep 24, 2022 1:46 pmBlah, Blah, Blah
Woah, are you always so rude?
There's always one.

Bottom line, it's his life and as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water...
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Inmybizz
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Tough situation. Your dad has the right to choose/refuse treatment. You have done all you can do… it’s okay to step back and take care of yourself.
KendallsMom
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Sorry you're dealing with this.
Anonymous 4

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Some people don't care if they die. To him, life's probably not worth the trouble of doing all the dialysis and that to stay alive.
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