DD isn't allowed to go on her fun trip with a friend anymore

[Traci_Momof2]

I think grounding is entirely ineffective for teens. I think long term grounding can actually be harmful for teens. There are better ways to discipline and teach proper behavior.

[Anonymous 3]

All I got is: what happened to parents supporting each other? Even if I disagreed with the punishment unless it’s outright abuse I’d tell my dd it’s the mom’s decision and there’s nothing I can do. Someone’s friends have to cancel. Life goes on.

Edit: interesting that there’s a son being grounded too on another post. Almost exact writing too…

That was bumped from oct 2021 to "prove" the recycling. Like people don't have similar experiences. But everyone wants to call out trolls and anon and "recycled" posts for some reason

I never check dates but the writing seemed familiar. Doesn’t mean anything. Anyway ds has a friend who’s gotten grounded for not doing schoolwork. Ds was disappointed his friend couldn’t come over but accepted it. It’s mom’s decision. I don’t ground my kids because they’re homebodies anyhow. But if others do whatever.

Exactly. My oldest dds best friend was grounded for months because she just kept screwing up and missed my dds bday, our xmas party and our new years party. That was just one of the times she was grounded for a long period. Another friend missed a weekend trip and a week trip at different times in the course of their friendship. My dd has missed things as well. It happens.

The stories do sound very similar. But I'm sure I'll have at least one like this once my kid and her friends start driving.

[Anonymous 3]

I think grounding is entirely ineffective for teens. I think long term grounding can actually be harmful for teens. There are better ways to discipline and teach proper behavior.

Just curious and not being rude at all what punishment would you have given? Honestly looking for ideas for if/when this happens since my dd is almost driving age. Normally being grounded works for her though.

[leadfoot40]

What did she do?

[bluebunnybabe]

Lol just saw that someone bumped the original version of this. Y'all gotta get better at trolling.

[LiveWhatULove]

What did she do?

It says in the post — she snuck out in mom’s car and met BF and friends.

[Traci_Momof2]

I think grounding is entirely ineffective for teens. I think long term grounding can actually be harmful for teens. There are better ways to discipline and teach proper behavior.

Just curious and not being rude at all what punishment would you have given? Honestly looking for ideas for if/when this happens since my dd is almost driving age. Normally being grounded works for her though.

Well, I'll share my personal perspectives on this as that explains my stance.
I have two kids in high school. Neither drive yet because one is just old enough to test for his permit and the other has not been motivated to practice enough to test for his license. (They are 15 and 17). But the 17 year old does sometimes go out with friends as a couple of his friends have their licenses. He lets us know where they are planning on going and we agree on a reasonable time for him to be back, and if that changes he knows he can just text/call us to let us know what's going on. We really have no reason to tell him "no you can't go out with friends" so he has no reason to sneak about it or break rules. So honestly we've never had to punish him for time spent with his friends. And I kind of feel like with high schoolers, if you've already raised them with that mutual respect, the risk is low of having the kind of problems that OP is talking about.

Now I myself, when I was in high school, I was always sneaking out and staying out late and cutting school and such. My mom tried to ground me once but it didn't stick. That once was about the extent of her attempt to punish me. She was much more wrapped up in her bottle of alcohol every night than actually trying to figure out what was going on with me. And there it is. I had home problems. When I look back I feel like I was acting out because of my home life. And I wasn't necessarily consciously aware of it at the time, but I'm pretty sure that's what was going on. I didn't need punishment. I needed a parent to show that they actually cared about me. So when I hear about teens acting out, often I don't think they are doing it to be buttheads. I think there is a bigger underlying issue and until you address that issue, all the punishment in the world will accomplish nothing.

Here's another thing. When my 17yo was younger he was having behavior issues. We tried taking away things, things that he loved the most. It didn't change his behavior. It wasn't until he was diagnosed with anxiety (in 4th grade) and we actually started treating that anxiety, that his behavior started changing for the better. Another example of underlying issue. You can't punish anxiety out of a child. Just like you can't punish respect and appreciation into a child.

Now I'm sure many people will come in with their own examples countering mine - "I had a great home life and I still acted out." I don't doubt those examples. But my own life examples tell me that bad behavior doesn't happen for no reason, and you can't just punish it away. You find the underlying cause and fix that, and the behavior will fix itself.

[Momto2boys973]

I 100% agree with both points.
Punishments start losing their grip when they’re extreme and long lasting. Those create tolerance and eventually you have to come up with more severe forms of punishments to have any effect.
And yeah, I wouldn’t have others suffer consequences for what my child did. I wouldn’t ruin another person’s weekend because my child needs to be punished. It can wait a few days. In fact, delayed punishment is sometimes more effective because it’s not done in the spur of the moment to ease one’s anger. It’s done when the parent is calmer so it’s actually about teaching a lesson.

This is such a recycled topic but here goes.

1. I believe in honoring our words. My child would go, I am a good enough parent that the one week honoring what we said we would do isn’t going to turn my child into a criminal.

2. I do not believe in extended grounding, it breeds resentment and will actually work against a parent. If you need two months of grounding as a consequence your parenting might need to be re-evaluated.

[Momto2boys973]

I just saw that!

Lol just saw that someone bumped the original version of this. Y'all gotta get better at trolling.