How to tell the difference between something you have to fix, and something you have to let go

[Pjmm]

I would’ve handed my kid five dollars and said if you want cheese Publix is just down the road. I mean sounds cruel but I was a latchkey kid in the eighties. If we wanted something and had money we bought it. If I didn’t I’d “cough cough” couch dive for change or check my parents dresser. If there was no money guess we weren’t going anywhere. Seriously I’d tell the girl you need to deal this time and I’ll get cheese for the future.

[Quorra2.0]

I am sorry you are going through this. I’ve been going through something similar with my 22 yr old, long, long story but the tldr version: she’s having a lot of digestive issues, there’s almost nothing she can eat that doesn’t cause some sort of issue, 2 yrs of drs, tests, specialists, still no answers, underweight, frequent pain, etc. I swear it’s exhausting, never knowing what is going to trigger and emotional melt down. Insurance is being assholes, will cover her meds and psychiatrist but denies coverage for each therapist she’s tried to go to. My advice: pick your battles, take nothing personal that is said, and offer alternatives when available as opposed to catering. I wouldn’t have gone out just for cheese if I one had an alternative or two had something else I needed to go out for.

[Pjmm]

I am sorry you are going through this. I’ve been going through something similar with my 22 yr old, long, long story but the tldr version: she’s having a lot of digestive issues, there’s almost nothing she can eat that doesn’t cause some sort of issue, 2 yrs of drs, tests, specialists, still no answers, underweight, frequent pain, etc. I swear it’s exhausting, never knowing what is going to trigger and emotional melt down. Insurance is being assholes, will cover her meds and psychiatrist but denies coverage for each therapist she’s tried to go to. My advice: pick your battles, take nothing personal that is said, and offer alternatives when available as opposed to catering. I wouldn’t have gone out just for cheese if I one had an alternative or two had something else I needed to go out for.

I’d melt down a few times too if I were her. I’m sorry this is happening and hopefully you find an answer soon.

[LiveWhatULove]

IF I know my child is having a rough time and having to cope with LOTS of emotions & challenges, then if I could pro-actively eliminate one sad moment before even giving her the sandwich, heck I live 5 minutes from the store, I might go run & get cheese, depending on what I have going on. I guess I disagree that one action like that sets a pattern or teaches ineffective coping and leads to less resilience. To me, it’s a kindness. And my kids mirror that in turn, by doing kind things for me, example, they will make their dad take them to the store for my fave meal, if they know I had a bad day.

But do not confuse that with — I have given the sandwich to my daughter and now she is sad, so I immediately get up and try to make her happy, no, I do not do that.

I view these as 2 different actions. My kids sometimes have to sit through dinners they dislike and it’s OK. I do not try to magically fix that. And there are so, so many other times, I metaphorically - crawl into their sadness pit & sit with them, I do not try to fix it. Example, tears & more tears were shed when my daughter realized she has been separated from her best & only friend at school, she begged me to appeal to the principal, then she begged me to have her friend over to play. But I stood firm, “no”, we embraced the sadness, then her anger… but making her a favorite smoothie for breakfast the next morning rather than goopy oatmeal — seemed pretty harmless to me.

[Quorra2.0]

I am sorry you are going through this. I’ve been going through something similar with my 22 yr old, long, long story but the tldr version: she’s having a lot of digestive issues, there’s almost nothing she can eat that doesn’t cause some sort of issue, 2 yrs of drs, tests, specialists, still no answers, underweight, frequent pain, etc. I swear it’s exhausting, never knowing what is going to trigger and emotional melt down. Insurance is being assholes, will cover her meds and psychiatrist but denies coverage for each therapist she’s tried to go to. My advice: pick your battles, take nothing personal that is said, and offer alternatives when available as opposed to catering. I wouldn’t have gone out just for cheese if I one had an alternative or two had something else I needed to go out for.

I’d melt down a few times too if I were her. I’m sorry this is happening and hopefully you find an answer soon.

Thank you, I hope so too.

[Anonymous 4]

You are not a good mom

[Inmybizz]

I would go to the corner store and get cheese … Or offer something different.

[Olioxenfree]

I wouldn’t go to the store, but I also just wouldn’t make her a sandwich knowing she isn’t going to like or eat it. I’d make something else. She’s old enough to get “we don’t have cheese, what do you want instead?” Or have her make something she likes herself. I’m a big believer that it’s important to feel hard emotions and learn how to cope in a healthy way rather than to avoid them.

[WellPreserved]

I'd go to the store and get some cheese.