IMO, coaching a child, who struggles with social awkwardness & relating to peers (but desires to do so) on how to follow typical social norms (including dress & clothing) is not selfish, self-absorbed, nor bullying. But after reading all the responses, I do not feel comfortable sharing a lot detail now. So to summarize:
We had a lot of discussions about human & group behavior, appearance, and subconcious bias. Lots of Youtube videos, LOL.
We started small contests and fun activities to celebrate small little changes in his wardrobe, such as wearing black shorts around the house.
We scripted comebacks to potential mean peers, and practiced so he would know how it might feel, & had ideas on how to respond. We've done that with all types of social situation though.
We organize his closet together during non-stressful times, with outfits he agrees to wear & remove other options completely from the home.
We shop together and try to incorporate his wants into more stylish options.
We promote & support social peers groups, so he feels confident to be himself and does have support, no matter what he wears.
cgd5112 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 10, 2022 12:36 pm
Thank you.
He is going in to a SPED classroom as a homeroom. BUT he will be in at least 3 grade level classes ( English language arts, Social studies, basic math, and PE). For art and some other classes he'll be with his home room bc he has sensory challenges and cannot tolerate some art textures and struggles with paint brushing.
I do know he will NOT tell her when kids are insulting him or bullying. It's happened before and other kids are the ones who come to his aid. He will not/can not verbalize what was said to him.
As for friends, I don't know. He is getting a 2:1 ( him and a peer w an aide) aide to help with navigating the school/getting to the grade level classes, his locker, etcl. I honestly do not know how that works for him. He does have two friends who are also in SPED with him, but will probably only see them in homeroom/SPED and in P, and at lunch time. For breaks and lunch his IEP goals include him eating lunch at the cafeteria with everyone else. The aide is suppose to stay back and watch over him while he eats with his friends. He is not suppose to go in to the bathrooms alone, BUT he keeps asserting his right to privacy at home ( bedroom and bathroom). So my friend is concerned he may not want the aide to accompany him to the bathroom at school.
Please share what you did. This has become a point of contention between my friend, her wife, and of course their son. Her wife wants hime to "wear whatever" and focus on him being successful at school.
LiveWhatULove wrote: ↑Wed Aug 10, 2022 10:57 am
This conversation is near and dear to my heart
*hugs* to your friend.
Now, the idealistic answer, I always want to tell my son, “you be you, screw them”.
BUT
I caved.
Is he in normal classes? Is his IQ and problem solving OK? How does he do with mean comments directed at him? What sort of friend group, if any, will he have at the school?
I can share what we have done with my son, but it may not apply.