If MIL moves in I am moving out

Anonymous 1

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DH and I made the decision several years ago that we will never have family live with us. We had a bad experience with his cousin moving in for "a month" which turned into 6 months by the time we were going to court to have him evicted

We decided family living with us was just not worth the drama. We were on the same page, no family including parents. We talked about how if our parents needed help we would help them but they wouldnt be moving in

Last year my mom asked to move in with us for a couple months. She was moving into a new house after selling my childhood home but the new house wasnt done being built (it was a brand new 1 bedroom cosy little house just for her). We told her she couldnt move in but DH and I got her a really nice air bnb to stay in instead.

Well now MIL is getting evicted. She says it isnt her fault at all, but you dont get evicted for no reason. She wants to move in with us until she gets back up on her feet. Dh said he was going to talk to her about it. I figured that meant he would stick to our plan. Nope, he told her she could move in for as long as she needed. He said he couldnt say no to his own mother and that she needed him.

I was pissed. He was saying that it wouldnt be that big of a deal and I wouldnt even know she was here. I do love my MIL but she is just an abrasive person. She always has been and there is no way you wouldnt know she is around.

We came up with no family moving in together. The ONLY exception will be our kids in early adulthood during college or when they are done and job hunting. We came up with this together. He has 0 problem turning my mom away.

I told him that if he has her move in I will be moving out. He can help her out all he wants but I wont be any part of it. It is 100% disrespectful to go against a decision we made together just because his mommy is sad. This is the 4th time she has been evicted in her life. I dont want her living here because it will go wrong and then we will be stuck with her or evicting her. I wont deal with it. If he wants that mess he can have it alone
Heyteacher
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On this one I am 100%with you. Good luck!
Deleted User 1977

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Sounds like he and his Mom will be "sad" together living in the home while you're off being happy elsewhere.

Honestly, for HER sake, her son should help her find a new place to live.
Pjmm
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Who buys a one bedroom house? The smallest house I’ve seen had at least two. But that being said if dh turned down my mother but said yes to his that would not sit well with me.
Anonymous 2

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I couldn't live with my mil. I would move out so fast if dh dared to bring her into my home.
Anonymous 3

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Yeah, I made the mistake of getting married before MIL found her own place. She never moved out! And I found out later that (now ex) DH was begging her to stay!!! F.... that!! I guess they won. We got divorced and they get to live happily ever after.
Momto2boys973
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Well, obviously your marriage isn’t important enough to bend a little in such a situation. So better end it now.
DH and I have made “rules” throughout our marriage that we eventually had to give in on some because it’s very easy to make rules when it’s all hypothetical. If I had a buck for every “ I would NEVER…” that I had to eventually swallow…. Like we always said we’ll look for a home some distance from family, and eventually we ended up buying a house two houses from mil and on the same street as 2 of DHs aunts 🤷‍♀️.
You have to learn flexibility and roll with the punches of life. Being set on a “rule” you made when you first got married and didn’t foresee the possibility of breaking it will only end up killing your marriage. But apparently, your marriage is less important than that.
I would talk to my DH (weird idea, I know) about letting her move in while he helps her out looking for a new place to live. But that would be the “new rule”. I give in a little, so he has to do his part too. That’s what marriage is all about.
❤️🇮🇱 עמ׳ ישראל חי 🇮🇱❤️
Anonymous 1

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Your logic isn't making sense to me. It wasn't hypothetical when my mom asked and we agreed that we were still sticking to the rule no matter what. I don't make never statements unless I mean it. How is it okay for him to say no to my mom but expect me to break our agreement for his?

We can be flexible and help without her moving in.
Momto2boys973 wrote: Wed Aug 10, 2022 11:09 am Well, obviously your marriage isn’t important enough to bend a little in such a situation. So better end it now.
DH and I have made “rules” throughout our marriage that we eventually had to give in on some because it’s very easy to make rules when it’s all hypothetical. If I had a buck for every “ I would NEVER…” that I had to eventually swallow…. Like we always said we’ll look for a home some distance from family, and eventually we ended up buying a house two houses from mil and on the same street as 2 of DHs aunts 🤷‍♀️.
You have to learn flexibility and roll with the punches of life. Being set on a “rule” you made when you first got married and didn’t foresee the possibility of breaking it will only end up killing your marriage. But apparently, your marriage is less important than that.
Anonymous 1

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Pjmm wrote: Tue Aug 09, 2022 9:01 pm Who buys a one bedroom house? The smallest house I’ve seen had at least two. But that being said if dh turned down my mother but said yes to his that would not sit well with me.
We want a small house.
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Aug 10, 2022 11:12 am
Pjmm wrote: Tue Aug 09, 2022 9:01 pm Who buys a one bedroom house? The smallest house I’ve seen had at least two. But that being said if dh turned down my mother but said yes to his that would not sit well with me.
We want a small house.
I understand. I’ve just never seen one other than tiny homes that were all one room. Condos yes.
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