If MIL moves in I am moving out

RIZZY1
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My husband and I got a VISA for my mother in law to come here from Venezuela. We agreed she would live with us for one year. I knew it would probably be closer to 2 years but I was okay with that because I figured she would keep her end of the bargain otherwise. All we asked is that she get a full time job and help around the house or with the kids. It took her 8 months to get a part time job, 2 full years to get a full time job. Not because of the competition but because she was just watching TV all day. And, in the meantime, she barely lifted a finger or helped with the kids. Would rarely make dinner, etc. Even though I speak some Spanish and she speaks some English, I often felt like she was purposely excluding the kids and I from the conversations- she wouldn't even look at us. I was also frequently cleaning up after her to the point that now, when I see crumbs on the coffee counter, I feel tightness in my chest. It nearly destroyed my marriage and put a huge strain on the entire family.

I love my mother in law. She's a special person and we get along well. We get along MUCH better now that she doesn't live with us.

We ended up selling our house for a much smaller house. That was when she finally moved out and got her own apartment. My husband and I joke that we couldn't get her to move out so we had to sell. LOL That wasn't the whole reason but I would be lying if I didn't admit it was in the back of my mind.

I know that many, if not most, cultures around the world have intergenerational living. If that works for them, great. It didn't work for us.
Traci_Momof2
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Yup, sounds like you have a DH problem on your hands.
hotspice58
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I agree about bending but when she said no to her mom, he shouldn’t have said yes to his.
Momto2boys973 wrote: Wed Aug 10, 2022 11:09 am Well, obviously your marriage isn’t important enough to bend a little in such a situation. So better end it now.
DH and I have made “rules” throughout our marriage that we eventually had to give in on some because it’s very easy to make rules when it’s all hypothetical. If I had a buck for every “ I would NEVER…” that I had to eventually swallow…. Like we always said we’ll look for a home some distance from family, and eventually we ended up buying a house two houses from mil and on the same street as 2 of DHs aunts 🤷‍♀️.
You have to learn flexibility and roll with the punches of life. Being set on a “rule” you made when you first got married and didn’t foresee the possibility of breaking it will only end up killing your marriage. But apparently, your marriage is less important than that.
I would talk to my DH (weird idea, I know) about letting her move in while he helps her out looking for a new place to live. But that would be the “new rule”. I give in a little, so he has to do his part too. That’s what marriage is all about.
hotspice58
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I agree about bending but when she said no to her mom, he shouldn’t have said yes to his.
Momto2boys973 wrote: Wed Aug 10, 2022 11:09 am Well, obviously your marriage isn’t important enough to bend a little in such a situation. So better end it now.
DH and I have made “rules” throughout our marriage that we eventually had to give in on some because it’s very easy to make rules when it’s all hypothetical. If I had a buck for every “ I would NEVER…” that I had to eventually swallow…. Like we always said we’ll look for a home some distance from family, and eventually we ended up buying a house two houses from mil and on the same street as 2 of DHs aunts 🤷‍♀️.
You have to learn flexibility and roll with the punches of life. Being set on a “rule” you made when you first got married and didn’t foresee the possibility of breaking it will only end up killing your marriage. But apparently, your marriage is less important than that.
I would talk to my DH (weird idea, I know) about letting her move in while he helps her out looking for a new place to live. But that would be the “new rule”. I give in a little, so he has to do his part too. That’s what marriage is all about.
Anonymous 4

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Nope he didn’t want your mom moving in so his mom shouldn’t move it. At least your mom had a plan for a place. Your MIL might ever leave.
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