Step mom thinks her opinion matters to me

[Anonymous 1]

She has convinced herself that what she thinks is important to me and that I need to listen to and respect her opinions.

I don't really care about her opinions. I don't really care about her. Not in a mean way just in a "she doesnt really make a difference in my life" kind of way. My ex and I are great at coparenting and we always have been. We have had issues here and there but nothing that couldn't be worked out with a conversation and some compromise

Now SM wants to be involved in EVERYTHING because she feels like her opinion is just as important to me as my exs. That just isn't true. My ex and I work through things together and she isn't involved because there is no reason for her to be involved in our conversations. Her opinion matters to him of course but they can talk about that alone.

DD is coming at a crossroads and is thinking about making a big life changing decision. SM is trying so hard to be involved when she simply isn't needed. She keeps trying to include herself in decisions that are not hers to make. My ex, DD, and I tried to sit down to talk it through and SM showed up and really made it awkward. DD doesn't feel 100% comfortable around her yet and she wanted to talk about some stuff that SM doesn't even know about. Instead of being understanding and backing off SM made things uncomfortable for DD.

So we have to reschedule the talk for when SM isn't available. I could understand more if she was having actual issues with the kids. Of course she would be involved in all that but she doesn't need to be there for all the important conversations. If she doesnt like something or feel like her opinion is needed she should share it with the person who cares... which is her husband.

[Anonymous 2]

Oh my, this is a tough one....... Let me explain why I feel this way........

First and foremost, I can understand why you feel the way you do. I am guessing (tell me if I am wrong) feeling very frustrated and probably also very hurt too, because you are having to share step mom here in this story with your DD. You probably also feel very threatened by her being in your child's life, as you feel she is taking your place in a way. Am I correct? Hon, I want to let you know that I am not judging you. When my first husband and I got a divorce, he remarried, and he remarried very quickly for that matter. I damn well felt the same way about his new wife, that you are probably feeling about your children's step mom. I still don't really feel positive feelings about my XH wife, but I try not to overthink about her either, because she is a waste of time and space in my opinion. My ex husband was trash as it is, so if she wants him, she can have him, lol.

Bottom line is this, you are your DD's mother. SM can't take that away from you. Ultimately, at the end of the day, unless there is a court order that says otherwise, you get the final say in many things, such as.... what you want for your daughter, what you think is best for your daughter, among many other decisions you get to make for your DD that this other woman doesn't have the right to make. If SM in this situation crossed the line, or ever violates you in a bad way, you got the courts you can go to as a way to put this woman in her place. I am guessing that you and your ex haven't been finished with for long? I get the impression that there are a lot of emotional feelings on your end that are still very raw yet, including grieving the loss of our family life with your Ex. I get it. I know that feeling all too well. But girl, you got to be the bigger person. Be strong for your daughter. I don't mean you have to be friends with this woman. I am just saying that keep your communications with your ex only, as you and him are your daughter's parents, not her. If he can't respect you over time, in that you prefer to only have contact with him and him only, then you may have to take him to court our mediation to work y'all's issues out. He needs to respect you and your wishes, especially since you are your DD's mother. Good luck to you and your ex.

[Anonymous 2]

ETA from my last response. My last response probably was getting too long and I apologize about that. I am hoping my responses will help build you up when you feel so down and anxious right now.

Anyway, I want to relay to you hon, that you probably are going to get some nasty responses with judgement against you for how you feel about the "SM". Please ignore anyone who speaks down to you or criticizes you. They aren't living your life, and they certainly aren't whatsoever experiencing your personal anxieties and emotions. It is easy for many to place judgement on others, when one isn't living in one's same shoes or situation wise rather than looking at themselves first. You will of course get supportive comments from other's with a good heart like mine is.

In conclusion, just remember in this frustrating time of your life to please always put your DD's feelings first, which I am sure you already do. Don't show any angry emotions in front of her when it comes to any contact you may have to have with SM. Keep it all either to yourself if you feel that way, because you will have the opportunity to legally take care of whatever needs to be done to fix any frustrations you have with her that again the court and your attorney can sort out for you. Again, best of luck to you. Hugs to you too!

[Anonymous 1]

I am not hurt by SM at all. It is just annoying when she tries to insert herself when she is not wanted or needed. I don't feel threatened by her at all. I don't really have many feelings towards her good or bad. She seems like a good person overall. My ex and I have been divorced for over 15 years now. His last ex never tried to insert herself and that was way better for everyone.

Oh my, this is a tough one....... Let me explain why I feel this way........

First and foremost, I can understand why you feel the way you do. I am guessing (tell me if I am wrong) feeling very frustrated and probably also very hurt too, because you are having to share step mom here in this story with your DD. You probably also feel very threatened by her being in your child's life, as you feel she is taking your place in a way. Am I correct? Hon, I want to let you know that I am not judging you. When my first husband and I got a divorce, he remarried, and he remarried very quickly for that matter. I damn well felt the same way about his new wife, that you are probably feeling about your children's step mom. I still don't really feel positive feelings about my XH wife, but I try not to overthink about her either, because she is a waste of time and space in my opinion. My ex husband was trash as it is, so if she wants him, she can have him, lol.

Bottom line is this, you are your DD's mother. SM can't take that away from you. Ultimately, at the end of the day, unless there is a court order that says otherwise, you get the final say in many things, such as.... what you want for your daughter, what you think is best for your daughter, among many other decisions you get to make for your DD that this other woman doesn't have the right to make. If SM in this situation crossed the line, or ever violates you in a bad way, you got the courts you can go to as a way to put this woman in her place. I am guessing that you and your ex haven't been finished with for long? I get the impression that there are a lot of emotional feelings on your end that are still very raw yet, including grieving the loss of our family life with your Ex. I get it. I know that feeling all too well. But girl, you got to be the bigger person. Be strong for your daughter. I don't mean you have to be friends with this woman. I am just saying that keep your communications with your ex only, as you and him are your daughter's parents, not her. If he can't respect you over time, in that you prefer to only have contact with him and him only, then you may have to take him to court our mediation to work y'all's issues out. He needs to respect you and your wishes, especially since you are your DD's mother. Good luck to you and your ex.

[Anonymous 2]

I am not hurt by SM at all. It is just annoying when she tries to insert herself when she is not wanted or needed. I don't feel threatened by her at all. I don't really have many feelings towards her good or bad. She seems like a good person overall. My ex and I have been divorced for over 15 years now. His last ex never tried to insert herself and that was way better for everyone.

Oh my, this is a tough one....... Let me explain why I feel this way........

First and foremost, I can understand why you feel the way you do. I am guessing (tell me if I am wrong) feeling very frustrated and probably also very hurt too, because you are having to share step mom here in this story with your DD. You probably also feel very threatened by her being in your child's life, as you feel she is taking your place in a way. Am I correct? Hon, I want to let you know that I am not judging you. When my first husband and I got a divorce, he remarried, and he remarried very quickly for that matter. I damn well felt the same way about his new wife, that you are probably feeling about your children's step mom. I still don't really feel positive feelings about my XH wife, but I try not to overthink about her either, because she is a waste of time and space in my opinion. My ex husband was trash as it is, so if she wants him, she can have him, lol.

Bottom line is this, you are your DD's mother. SM can't take that away from you. Ultimately, at the end of the day, unless there is a court order that says otherwise, you get the final say in many things, such as.... what you want for your daughter, what you think is best for your daughter, among many other decisions you get to make for your DD that this other woman doesn't have the right to make. If SM in this situation crossed the line, or ever violates you in a bad way, you got the courts you can go to as a way to put this woman in her place. I am guessing that you and your ex haven't been finished with for long? I get the impression that there are a lot of emotional feelings on your end that are still very raw yet, including grieving the loss of our family life with your Ex. I get it. I know that feeling all too well. But girl, you got to be the bigger person. Be strong for your daughter. I don't mean you have to be friends with this woman. I am just saying that keep your communications with your ex only, as you and him are your daughter's parents, not her. If he can't respect you over time, in that you prefer to only have contact with him and him only, then you may have to take him to court our mediation to work y'all's issues out. He needs to respect you and your wishes, especially since you are your DD's mother. Good luck to you and your ex.

Gotcha, girl. Sorry I assumed. I more was trying to figure out your situation in hopes I could maybe understand how you may be feeling and what the cause could be why you are feeling the way you are, so that I could respond in such a way that I hoped would be helpful. I didn't' mean to be rude, and I apologize if I came across that way at all. I am glad you get along well with your "Ex" and "SM". That is wonderful and I hope it remains that way between y'all. I got to get some rest now, but could you explain to us all what you mean by you feel she is trying to "Insert herself" in ways you wish she wouldn't? That's where I am a bit confused at what you are trying to say, sorry. Idk, maybe she is just trying to be helpful and guide your daughter where your daughter may be asking her for guidance when your dd is with her dad and her. Could that be a possibility?

[Anonymous 3]

What is the life changing decision?