I told my daughter that I won't pay for a dorm room

Anonymous 1

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We live right next to the university she wants to go to. The student union is literally across the street from our house. She grew up here and has always wanted to go to that school.

All of a sudden she has started talking about living in the dorms. She has never once mentioned it before and always used to talk about living at home. I guess some of her friends are going to be sharing the same dorm and she wants to be the 4th person. It is set up so that there is a shared living space, bathroom, and kitchen area and then there are two bedrooms each with two people in them.

They are expensive, even more than the normal dorms. She wants me to pay but I told her no because it makes no sense. This dorm is actually farther away than our house to most of her classes. Room and board for the dorm she wants to live in is about $16,000 a year. There is no way I am going to waste that much money.

Apparently I am the worst mom in the world because all her friends are living in the dorm and their parents love them enough to pay for the dorm.

She is upset because I said no but really she is just going to have to get over it or come up with a way to pay for it herself which I dont really think is possible. I thought the dorms would be full this late but they aren't.
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mcginnisc
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We're not paying for a dorm if dd goes to the local school that she is dual enrolled with. Nope. She can live at home and commute. If she goes away to school, then yes..we will of course pay for room and board/meal plan. She knows that she will live at home and commute the 10 miles to the school if she goes there.
I would not pay $16K for a dorm living across from the school either. I don't blame you in the least. Housing is where they get you. Our dd's top choice is $9700+ for tuition per semester and housing is $13K..then, meal plan/parking, other fees.. to the tune of almost $30K a year. Housing is insane. If she gets accepted, we will pay it. I will grin and bear it when I pay it. LOL
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Olioxenfree
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I fully support my kids wanting to live in dorms, I think it’s an important part of college, but if they have a free living option and the college is right next door, I would not be paying for it. I would tell her that I fully support it, but she’ll need to take out a loan and pay for it herself.
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Well, it doesn’t make any sense to you because all you’re seeing is the money aspect. It makes perfect sense from her side, now crossing that threshold and wanting that opportunity to make her own rules, live on her own, take responsibility and have the freedoms that come with it. She’s seeing others have this important part of college and she’s being left out.
Personally, I would support her, if I could afford it. I wouldn’t see it as a waste of money. If I couldn’t afford it myself, I would talk to her about how we can make it a joint effort, either by her getting a loan or a job.
But I definitely wouldn’t dismiss it because I don’t want to spend that money. There’s a lot of positives that come with the experience of being on your own. But she definitely would have to chip in.
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Anonymous 2

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Wasn't this post just done? That said, I don't know why anyone would WANT to live in dorms. Seems like hell on earth to me.
Anonymous 1

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mcginnisc wrote: Tue Aug 09, 2022 10:13 am We're not paying for a dorm if dd goes to the local school that she is dual enrolled with. Nope. She can live at home and commute. If she goes away to school, then yes..we will of course pay for room and board/meal plan. She knows that she will live at home and commute the 10 miles to the school if she goes there.
I would not pay $16K for a dorm living across from the school either. I don't blame you in the least. Housing is where they get you. Our dd's top choice is $9700+ for tuition per semester and housing is $13K..then, meal plan/parking, other fees.. to the tune of almost $30K a year. Housing is insane. If she gets accepted, we will pay it. I will grin and bear it when I pay it. LOL
If she was going out of state I would try and help but I couldn't afford $30k a year even if I want to.
Anonymous 1

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Momto2boys973 wrote: Tue Aug 09, 2022 10:51 am Well, it doesn’t make any sense to you because all you’re seeing is the money aspect. It makes perfect sense from her side, now crossing that threshold and wanting that opportunity to make her own rules, live on her own, take responsibility and have the freedoms that come with it. She’s seeing others have this important part of college and she’s being left out.
Personally, I would support her, if I could afford it. I wouldn’t see it as a waste of money. If I couldn’t afford it myself, I would talk to her about how we can make it a joint effort, either by her getting a loan or a job.
But I definitely wouldn’t dismiss it because I don’t want to spend that money. There’s a lot of positives that come with the experience of being on your own. But she definitely would have to chip in.
If it makes sense to her she can figure out a way to pay it on her own.
Anonymous 1

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Olioxenfree wrote: Tue Aug 09, 2022 10:16 am I fully support my kids wanting to live in dorms, I think it’s an important part of college, but if they have a free living option and the college is right next door, I would not be paying for it. I would tell her that I fully support it, but she’ll need to take out a loan and pay for it herself.
I support her if she makes the choice to live in the dorm, it just won't be financial support.
Anonymous 3

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Sigh...
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Anonymous 2 wrote: Tue Aug 09, 2022 11:12 am Wasn't this post just done? That said, I don't know why anyone would WANT to live in dorms. Seems like hell on earth to me.
I did. I’m not sure I wanted to but it was the cheapest place in town. Six hours away from home. There are plenty of reasons to move out. Top of the list is Mom and Dad aren’t questioning how late you were out, with who, or where you were. Now do I think mom should pay for the dorm? No. But I can understand the desire to be your own person.
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