My kids want to stop going to their grandparents house

[SouthernIslander]

It’s likely that one day the kids wish they hadn’t taken this time for granted when they pass away and whatever they feel is more important right now won’t matter.

I’d encourage them to go.

[LuckyEightWow]

Most involved grandparents get more then once a month.

My kids would be visiting their grandparents, unless there is a valid physical or emotional concern not to. If they have been good to the kids, and you’d have said they weren’t to begin with and not jumped to ‘of course I have the right, blah, blah, blah’. (classic troll move), they can go be decent little humans and visit with their grandparents one weekend a month.

My own parents don't even see them for a full weekend a month. I don't know any other grandparents that do that every single month. It isn't like they won't ever see them again they just don't want it every month.

Then your parents are crappy grandparents. I have my grandkids multiple times a month and so does their other grandma. My best friend has her grandkids almost every weekend and she takes one kid at a time (sometimes) for up to a week (I’ll grant she’s a little extreme). Good grandparents are involved.

[Anonymous 5]

Most involved grandparents get more then once a month.

My kids would be visiting their grandparents, unless there is a valid physical or emotional concern not to. If they have been good to the kids, and you’d have said they weren’t to begin with and not jumped to ‘of course I have the right, blah, blah, blah’. (classic troll move), they can go be decent little humans and visit with their grandparents one weekend a month.

My own parents don't even see them for a full weekend a month. I don't know any other grandparents that do that every single month. It isn't like they won't ever see them again they just don't want it every month.

mu granddaughter comes over every weekend

[mcginnisc]

Most involved grandparents get more then once a month.

My kids would be visiting their grandparents, unless there is a valid physical or emotional concern not to. If they have been good to the kids, and you’d have said they weren’t to begin with and not jumped to ‘of course I have the right, blah, blah, blah’. (classic troll move), they can go be decent little humans and visit with their grandparents one weekend a month.

My own parents don't even see them for a full weekend a month. I don't know any other grandparents that do that every single month. It isn't like they won't ever see them again they just don't want it every month.

Then your parents are crappy grandparents. I have my grandkids multiple times a month and so does their other grandma. My best friend has her grandkids almost every weekend and she takes one kid at a time (sometimes) for up to a week (I’ll grant she’s a little extreme). Good grandparents are involved.

Broad generalizations suck. My mother and my inlaws are fantastic grandparents. They also live out of state so they can't see them every weekend. You just want to be holier than thou and act like you are the perfect representation of a grandparent/ parent. It's bullcrap honestly.
I adored my maternal grandparents. My grandmother died when I was 13 and before that I only got to see them a few times a year since they lived out of state. Then, I was so busy with work and school as a teen, it was difficult to get the time to go see my grandfather much. He lived until I was 22.
Life happens. I would encourage my 12 year old to spend more time as you never know what tomorrow brings, but to say someone is a crappy grandparent because *you* disagree with the situation is unneccesarily mean. My mother and inlaws know that their grandchildren are growing up and busy so they understand. They have one that will be 20 next month that is in college, flying all the time to gain flight hours for her aviation program for college and working. El can't just drop everything to go visit. Neither can my girls that are still in high school. I have one that is taking three college courses this semester, attending homeschool co-op to finish out her four electives for her senior year and has a job. Her life basically is revolving around college applications right now as she will go to college next fall. My youngest is the least busy as she is 14 and a freshman. She has no job, but she can't drive..so, jumping up and heading to FL is not an option. We get them down there as much as we can and the grand come up here when they can, but my FIL works as does my mother..my MIL's mother is still living and in hospice so she has to be available almost 24/7 for her mother. Not everyone has the ability to spend days with grandparents often. So, drop the I'm perfect routine and dogging OP over this. You sound like a 12 year old mean girl instead of a grown woman with 8 kids and grandkids.

[Olioxenfree]

I would tell my kids that if they have a reason why they don’t want to go, like something there is making them feel uncomfortable, then we can discuss it and form a decision. But if it’s just that their preteens and would rather hang out at home or with friends than visit their grandparents, that’s not something I would allow.

We teach our kids respect for the elderly. Their grandparents are getting older and that time with them is important. If they don’t want to do a sleepover every time, okay, we can do a lunch or day visit, but I wouldn’t just give them the choice to never visit their grandparents because their going through a preteen phase.

[Olioxenfree]

Most involved grandparents get more then once a month.

My kids would be visiting their grandparents, unless there is a valid physical or emotional concern not to. If they have been good to the kids, and you’d have said they weren’t to begin with and not jumped to ‘of course I have the right, blah, blah, blah’. (classic troll move), they can go be decent little humans and visit with their grandparents one weekend a month.

My own parents don't even see them for a full weekend a month. I don't know any other grandparents that do that every single month. It isn't like they won't ever see them again they just don't want it every month.

Then your parents are crappy grandparents. I have my grandkids multiple times a month and so does their other grandma. My best friend has her grandkids almost every weekend and she takes one kid at a time (sometimes) for up to a week (I’ll grant she’s a little extreme). Good grandparents are involved.

That’s a very broad generalization to make. Not everyone lives close enough to allow weekly visits to happen. My parents live eight hours away, that doesn’t mean they are crappy or not involved.

[LuckyEightWow]

My own parents don't even see them for a full weekend a month. I don't know any other grandparents that do that every single month. It isn't like they won't ever see them again they just don't want it every month.

Then your parents are crappy grandparents. I have my grandkids multiple times a month and so does their other grandma. My best friend has her grandkids almost every weekend and she takes one kid at a time (sometimes) for up to a week (I’ll grant she’s a little extreme). Good grandparents are involved.

Broad generalizations suck. My mother and my inlaws are fantastic grandparents. They also live out of state so they can't see them every weekend. You just want to be holier than thou and act like you are the perfect representation of a grandparent/ parent. It's bullcrap honestly.
I adored my maternal grandparents. My grandmother died when I was 13 and before that I only got to see them a few times a year since they lived out of state. Then, I was so busy with work and school as a teen, it was difficult to get the time to go see my grandfather much. He lived until I was 22.
Life happens. I would encourage my 12 year old to spend more time as you never know what tomorrow brings, but to say someone is a crappy grandparent because *you* disagree with the situation is unneccesarily mean. My mother and inlaws know that their grandchildren are growing up and busy so they understand. They have one that will be 20 next month that is in college, flying all the time to gain flight hours for her aviation program for college and working. El can't just drop everything to go visit. Neither can my girls that are still in high school. I have one that is taking three college courses this semester, attending homeschool co-op to finish out her four electives for her senior year and has a job. Her life basically is revolving around college applications right now as she will go to college next fall. My youngest is the least busy as she is 14 and a freshman. She has no job, but she can't drive..so, jumping up and heading to FL is not an option. We get them down there as much as we can and the grand come up here when they can, but my FIL works as does my mother..my MIL's mother is still living and in hospice so she has to be available almost 24/7 for her mother. Not everyone has the ability to spend days with grandparents often. So, drop the I'm perfect routine and dogging OP over this. You sound like a 12 year old mean girl instead of a grown woman with 8 kids and grandkids.

You read an awful lot into what I said when the very last sentence I wrote said ‘good grandparents are involved’. They can be involved and be far away, she can’t fathom grandparents wanting their grandkids (at least) once a month, then uses her own parents as a comparison. I gave examples (and so did another poster) of grandparents who are actively and regularly involved in their grandkids lives.

If that makes you feel insecure or as if I am being ‘holier than thou’, that’s not my problem. You wrote a whole lot to try and convince me about your childrens grandparents, when my statement says *involved* not there every single weekend.

[LuckyEightWow]

My own parents don't even see them for a full weekend a month. I don't know any other grandparents that do that every single month. It isn't like they won't ever see them again they just don't want it every month.

Then your parents are crappy grandparents. I have my grandkids multiple times a month and so does their other grandma. My best friend has her grandkids almost every weekend and she takes one kid at a time (sometimes) for up to a week (I’ll grant she’s a little extreme). Good grandparents are involved.

That’s a very broad generalization to make. Not everyone lives close enough to allow weekly visits to happen. My parents live eight hours away, that doesn’t mean they are crappy or not involved.

I’ll just copy and paste cause it seems to apply to you also….

You read an awful lot into what I said when the very last sentence I wrote said ‘good grandparents are involved’. They can be involved and be far away, she can’t fathom grandparents wanting their grandkids (at least) once a month, then uses her own parents as a comparison. I gave examples (and so did another poster) of grandparents who are actively and regularly involved in their grandkids lives.

If that makes you feel insecure or as if I am being ‘holier than thou’, that’s not my problem. You wrote a whole lot to try and convince me about your childrens grandparents, when my statement says *involved* not there every single weekend.

[Anonymous 1]

I am not saying they are outgrowing them but I think it's understandable that they don't want to spend an entire weekend at their house every month. They miss out on things because of it. They can spend time with them without it having to be so set in stone.

Eta I just realized I double replied to you.

They’re 12. That means they’re old enough to know that oftentimes, we all have to do things that are less preferred or not preferred at all. They are their grandparents. To say/imply they are outgoing their grandparents is wrong. The grans are not a phase in your kids’ lives that you just move on from.

A once a month visit is more than reasonable, and if you trust them with your kids ( since you let them sleep over) and the grans love your kids, then your kids should spend time with them. These are moments that will stay with them forever. The more people you have that love your kids the better. Encourage it.

[Anonymous 1]

Why don't they want to go there?

There isn't an official reason. I think they are just getting older and wanting to do their own thing more.

I find that strange and I think it would upset me just a tiny bit. Outside of abuse or neglect, family is important. My kids are really close with their grandparents. They are teens now and want to be more independent and spend more time with their friends. But they also love their grandparents. When they could no longer spend the night or spend weekends with their grandparents, we started making more frequent, short visits.

Unless grandparents are somehow abusive or just nasty people, I can't imagine a teenager just being like nope, I don't wanna see them anymore.

Family is important but so are other things for them. They can still spend time with their grandparents without it having to be for a full weekend.