My kids want to stop going to their grandparents house

cgd5112
Donated
Donated
Duchess
Duchess
Posts: 1558
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 6:18 pm

Unread post

They’re 12. That means they’re old enough to know that oftentimes, we all have to do things that are less preferred or not preferred at all. They are their grandparents. To say/imply they are outgoing their grandparents is wrong. The grans are not a phase in your kids’ lives that you just move on from.

A once a month visit is more than reasonable, and if you trust them with your kids ( since you let them sleep over) and the grans love your kids, then your kids should spend time with them. These are moments that will stay with them forever. The more people you have that love your kids the better. Encourage it.
Anonymous 1

Unread post

cgd5112 wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 11:45 am They’re 12. That means they’re old enough to know that oftentimes, we all have to do things that are less preferred or not preferred at all. They are their grandparents. To say/imply they are outgoing their grandparents is wrong. The grans are not a phase in your kids’ lives that you just move on from.

A once a month visit is more than reasonable, and if you trust them with your kids ( since you let them sleep over) and the grans love your kids, then your kids should spend time with them. These are moments that will stay with them forever. The more people you have that love your kids the better. Encourage it.
They can still spend time with them without it being a full weekend.
User avatar
AZOldCoot
Marchioness
Marchioness
Posts: 663
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2021 10:35 pm
Location: Arizona

Unread post

Are there other things or people they've been seeing that, should they are no longer want to go to for "no official reason" that you'll indulge them on?
I come here to give my opinion; not try to validate it. I come to converse and not to debate.
User avatar
RIZZY
Viscountess
Viscountess
Posts: 265
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2022 3:52 pm

Unread post

Anonymous 1 wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 11:18 am
RIZZY wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 10:58 am Why don't they want to go there?
There isn't an official reason. I think they are just getting older and wanting to do their own thing more.
I find that strange and I think it would upset me just a tiny bit. Outside of abuse or neglect, family is important. My kids are really close with their grandparents. They are teens now and want to be more independent and spend more time with their friends. But they also love their grandparents. When they could no longer spend the night or spend weekends with their grandparents, we started making more frequent, short visits.

Unless grandparents are somehow abusive or just nasty people, I can't imagine a teenager just being like nope, I don't wanna see them anymore.
User avatar
Traci_Momof2
Queen Mother
Queen Mother
Posts: 9661
Joined: Tue May 22, 2018 12:32 am
Location: Southwest USA

Unread post

My kids would have to give me a reason why they don't want to go anymore. "I don't feel like it" wouldn't be sufficient. They'd have to be able to verbalize to me the reason why.
Anonymous 3

Unread post

12 is the age my nieces and nephews stopped staying the night at our house. It seems to be pretty common age of transition for that. I'd suggest they take your kids out to the movies or to eat or something more appealing to their ages to spend time with them now. You can pay for your kids if you're in a better financial situation than they are but I'd keep encouraging the relationship. It just has to change a bit.
User avatar
jas
Donated
Donated
Princess Royal
Princess Royal
Posts: 7822
Joined: Fri May 25, 2018 8:33 am
Location: This space for rent

Unread post

Was it THIS weekend they were supposed to go? If that is the case I would be pissed off as well. I would make them go as it's rude as hell to cancel late notice "for no reason". And talk to them about cancelling NEXT month.
Momto2boys973
Princess
Princess
Posts: 18068
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 5:32 pm

Unread post

Then sorry, but you can indeed at least encourage them to go if they don’t have a good enough reason to be this selfish towards their grandparents. My kids fully know that every Wednesday afternoon is time to visit his grandparents from DHs side, and every Sunday is lunch with my parents. Of course, occasionally something significant may come up, but otherwise, they have to go.
Kids doing “their own thing” doesn’t mean neglecting things they should be doing for your family.
Anonymous 1 wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 11:18 am
RIZZY wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 10:58 am Why don't they want to go there?
There isn't an official reason. I think they are just getting older and wanting to do their own thing more.
❤️❤️ ישראל ❤️❤️
Momto2boys973
Princess
Princess
Posts: 18068
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 5:32 pm

Unread post

But if that has always been the case, then it should continue to be so. Especially if they have no valid reasons to hurt their grandparents like that. One weekend a month shouldn’t be that much of a dent in their wanting to do their own thing life.
Anonymous 1 wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 11:53 am
cgd5112 wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 11:45 am They’re 12. That means they’re old enough to know that oftentimes, we all have to do things that are less preferred or not preferred at all. They are their grandparents. To say/imply they are outgoing their grandparents is wrong. The grans are not a phase in your kids’ lives that you just move on from.

A once a month visit is more than reasonable, and if you trust them with your kids ( since you let them sleep over) and the grans love your kids, then your kids should spend time with them. These are moments that will stay with them forever. The more people you have that love your kids the better. Encourage it.
They can still spend time with them without it being a full weekend.
❤️❤️ ישראל ❤️❤️
Anonymous 4

Unread post

RIZZY wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 2:02 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 11:18 am
RIZZY wrote: Thu Aug 04, 2022 10:58 am Why don't they want to go there?
There isn't an official reason. I think they are just getting older and wanting to do their own thing more.
I find that strange and I think it would upset me just a tiny bit. Outside of abuse or neglect, family is important. My kids are really close with their grandparents. They are teens now and want to be more independent and spend more time with their friends. But they also love their grandparents. When they could no longer spend the night or spend weekends with their grandparents, we started making more frequent, short visits.

Unless grandparents are somehow abusive or just nasty people, I can't imagine a teenager just being like nope, I don't wanna see them anymore.
I didn’t want to spend a week with mine back in the day. We’d go in the summer, just me and my brother. Bur eventually I asked my parents if we could stay home. First she lived six hours away. I didn’t like going because she didn’t particularly do anything with us. Like she had no toys, she didn’t own any books, and I had to beg her to take us to the beach or the playground. She didn’t even tell us stories about her childhood. My grandfather was worse. He was very standoffish. I believe she loved us and did the best she could don’t get me wrong. She was generous with money and helped me when I needed it. But she wasn’t good with children. I did better with her as an adult. So although we saw her we didn’t go for the summer anymore. We saw her on holidays which was fine. It was what it was.
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic