My ex is against DD17s SO moving in

Anonymous 1

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They are crappy parents. Always have been. She has always had serious family problems involving them.
Momto2boys973 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:50 pm Which again raises the question as to their relationship and why it’s so screwed up.
What parent would just abandon their kid to figure out where to live just because they want to?
That doesn’t sound like a kid without some serious family problems.
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:47 pm
Inmybizz wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:33 pm

Why can’t she live with her parents/guardian? Did she get kicked out?
They are moving to a 55+ community.
Momto2boys973
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You’re willing to do that even with a bad breakup and your daughter’s emotional well being being so attached to the situation?
Do you have the means to just help her into an apartment? Help her with health costs if she needs medical treatment?
You said it perfectly: you’re doing what you FEEL is best. And that’s usually the explanation people give when things go seriously wrong: “I was just doing what I felt was best!”. This isn’t a time for feeling, it’s a time for thinking. Surely, there are other, better ways to deal with this situation. If she’s a minor, the parents are still responsible for her, so as much as they want to weasel out of it before they’re legally entitled to, they can’t. Report it to the proper authorities. If you have the means to help her find an apartment, then why not do that? I mean, it’s what you said you’ll do when things go sour, so why not do it now?
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:51 pm I would never just kick her out without having a back up plan. Worst case we help her move into an apartment.

I am doing the best I can and I am doing what I feel is best. It's not better for her to live in a car.
Momto2boys973 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:45 pm OK.

Reevaluate how? Does that mean you would kick her out, wish her all the best and forget about it?
You see, this isn’t the kind of thing when you’ll cross the bridge when you get to it. You’re taking in a teenage girl, with so much potential for disaster, seeing as she’s emotionally involved with your kid. And apparently other issues as well if she “can’t” move with her parents for some obscure reason, but they’re still set on going. You’re not talking about a lost puppy here. This is a child, and you’re being shoved that responsibility with probably no rights to do so. What will you do if she needs serious medical care? Or gets into a car accident? You just don’t wing these things. If you take that kid in, you won’t be able to reevaluate the situation if things go bad, you’ll be stuck with the situation at the expense of your daughter’s emotional well being.
So if you’re thinking that everything will be oh-so peachy, but in the case it’s not, oh well, you’ll see…. Don’t. Reevaluate what you’re about to do NOW. Not when you’re out of options.
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:29 pm It was very much mentioned in the OP. Go back where I mentioned how SO just got elected class president and how SHE, as in female, is on track to become valedictorian.

If something goes wrong we will reevaluate.
❤️🇮🇱 עמ׳ ישראל חי 🇮🇱❤️
Anonymous 1

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Yes because both of them agreed to that if things get bad. Yes we have the means. It would not be a problem but honestly she could probably afford it now on her own if she wanted. She can't do that until she is 18.

She has health insurance but if she needed help with that we would.

She is only a minor for 5 more weeks. There isn't anything we can do to stop them from moving.

If you would let her live in her car that would be your decision. It isn't mine. I've known this girl for 12 years. She has been an honorary a part of our family since before her and DD started dating.
Momto2boys973 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 5:01 pm You’re willing to do that even with a bad breakup and your daughter’s emotional well being being so attached to the situation?
Do you have the means to just help her into an apartment? Help her with health costs if she needs medical treatment?
You said it perfectly: you’re doing what you FEEL is best. And that’s usually the explanation people give when things go seriously wrong: “I was just doing what I felt was best!”. This isn’t a time for feeling, it’s a time for thinking. Surely, there are other, better ways to deal with this situation. If she’s a minor, the parents are still responsible for her, so as much as they want to weasel out of it before they’re legally entitled to, they can’t. Report it to the proper authorities. If you have the means to help her find an apartment, then why not do that? I mean, it’s what you said you’ll do when things go sour, so why not do it now?
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:51 pm I would never just kick her out without having a back up plan. Worst case we help her move into an apartment.

I am doing the best I can and I am doing what I feel is best. It's not better for her to live in a car.
Momto2boys973 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:45 pm OK.

Reevaluate how? Does that mean you would kick her out, wish her all the best and forget about it?
You see, this isn’t the kind of thing when you’ll cross the bridge when you get to it. You’re taking in a teenage girl, with so much potential for disaster, seeing as she’s emotionally involved with your kid. And apparently other issues as well if she “can’t” move with her parents for some obscure reason, but they’re still set on going. You’re not talking about a lost puppy here. This is a child, and you’re being shoved that responsibility with probably no rights to do so. What will you do if she needs serious medical care? Or gets into a car accident? You just don’t wing these things. If you take that kid in, you won’t be able to reevaluate the situation if things go bad, you’ll be stuck with the situation at the expense of your daughter’s emotional well being.
So if you’re thinking that everything will be oh-so peachy, but in the case it’s not, oh well, you’ll see…. Don’t. Reevaluate what you’re about to do NOW. Not when you’re out of options.

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It absolutely was mentioned in the OP. I got it before reading any replies. Have your own opinion but don't accuse OP of omitting the fact that it's two teenage girls. That's your problem for misreading.
Momto2boys973 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:21 pm Oh, of course here comes the convenient “fact” not mentioned in the OP. And in fact, most cleverly disguised to be able to spring that after a few comments as if that makes you more right.
Still team husband here. Teenage sexuality isn’t just about pregnancy, so I agree that regardless of gender or sexual orientation having two romantically involved teenagers living under the same roof is a bad idea all around. Too much hormones and emotional immaturity going around for that to end well.
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 11:40 am
carterscutie85 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 11:29 am I wouldn't throw the boy out if they broke up though, barring some extreme reason. I would see it as taking on an extra child and treat them as one of my own.
The SO is a girl but I also wouldn't just throw her out either.
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:47 pm
Inmybizz wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:33 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:31 pm

She has been trying to find other places to live and so far there is nothing. Her other plan is to live in her car which is not something I want happening.
Why can’t she live with her parents/guardian? Did she get kicked out?
They are moving to a 55+ community.
Something is missing in this story. They are moving to a 55 plus community and they didn’t make arrangements for their child? Is she the same age as your daughter?
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OP, I don't think you're wrong to consider doing what you are doing. I would be very tempted to do the same thing. In fact, I've told DS that if any of his friends are ever in trouble and feel like they can't live at home anymore, that we would discuss and consider letting them live with us. Luckily so far we've never had to do that but we would certainly consider it. (DS is in his senior year now and will turn 18 in October, so same age as you are dealing with).

My only advice is set boundaries from the beginning for what you feel is appropriate behavior from both your DD and the SO. Beyond that, good luck to you all, and remind your ex he has no say in what happens in your house.
Anonymous 3

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Kookookrazy wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:48 pm You can set as many rules as you want at the end of the day just be comfortable with the fact that they will be having S*x under your roof...if youre okay with that than go for it but if you wanna be obtuse and think oh no we will have them separate and no hanky panky than youre living in a dreamland.Teens are very sneaky and crafty when my ex came over to stay overnights my family were none the wiser and we were having S*x in every room of that house any chance that we got and we never got caught in fact my mom thought i was a virgin until i popped up pregnant..

Good luck!
I thought you were pregnant by rape?
Anonymous 1

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Inmybizz wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 5:29 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:47 pm
Inmybizz wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:33 pm

Why can’t she live with her parents/guardian? Did she get kicked out?
They are moving to a 55+ community.
Something is missing in this story. They are moving to a 55 plus community and they didn’t make arrangements for their child? Is she the same age as your daughter?
She turns 18 next month. The parents have always sucked.
Anonymous 5

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Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:40 pm
Inmybizz wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:33 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:31 pm

She has been trying to find other places to live and so far there is nothing. Her other plan is to live in her car which is not something I want happening.
Why can’t she live with her parents/guardian? Did she get kicked out?
They are moving and she can't go with them.
Are the parents downsizing to this community?
Anonymous 5

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Momto2boys973 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:50 pm Which again raises the question as to their relationship and why it’s so screwed up.
What parent would just abandon their kid to figure out where to live just because they want to?
That doesn’t sound like a kid without some serious family problems.
Seriously? It’s sounding more and more disturbing with each post of yours. No legal protection either to her or you, being in a romantic relationship with your teenage daughter and apparently not having any possibility of parental support?
Good luck…..
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:47 pm
Inmybizz wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2022 4:33 pm

Why can’t she live with her parents/guardian? Did she get kicked out?
They are moving to a 55+ community.
You are being biased about this girl. Why? She'll be 18 in a month. Wouldn't you take her in for a month or do you assume she's bad?
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