Help me understand.

[Traci_Momof2]

DS17 is asexual and aromantic. He considers himself part of the LGBTQ+ group. He was very upset by the Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v Wade because of what it could mean for other Supreme Court decisions regarding the LGBTQ+ community. I understand basically how gay marriage rights are in jeopardy from this decision.

But my DS said that it could also become a thing where it is basically illegal for him to exist. And that if his own existence is determined at the state level, then he could have to worry about traveling through certain states as he would be illegal in certain states.

I don't understand how a person's existence is in danger. Is there something that I am missing? Or is his response based in paranoia over something that just won't happen? I tried asking him but he was so upset that it was difficult to talk to him. And now at this point that he's doing a bit better, I don't want to upset him again by bringing it up again because we are all on vacation and I don't want to ruin things for him. I don't want him spending his whole vacation fretting over something that I think is highly unlikely to happen.

So please help me understand if you know what he is talking about.

[PrincessLaLa]

It sounds like he's just scared.
There's a lot of hate and a lot of fearmongering going around in the US right now, and it can't be good for the psyche of their youth. I'm sorry you and your son are going through this.

[Anonymous 1]

It could mean he’s not allowed to marry
It could mean he is forced into a treatment center for mental health
It could mean he loses rights that combat discrimination and could lose his ability to get a mortgage or business loan.
It could mean his life choices are gone. He won’t be seen as a valid human being anymore.

I’m not saying this in an unconcerned way, it’s what I’m terrified about for my Gay daughter.

[jas]

What is aromantic?

[Traci_Momof2]

It could mean he’s not allowed to marry
It could mean he is forced into a treatment center for mental health
It could mean he loses rights that combat discrimination and could lose his ability to get a mortgage or business loan.
It could mean his life choices are gone. He won’t be seen as a valid human being anymore.

I’m not saying this in an unconcerned way, it’s what I’m terrified about for my Gay daughter.

For my DS specifically, it's not about marriage or sexual relations. Since he's asexual and aromantic he has no intentions of engaging in either of those things.

The other things you mentioned, I guess I could see that. I guess for him if anything it means being back in the closet in the public eye. Which is absolutely not ideal at all, not at all what I want. But I guess what I'm saying is if you look at him and talk to him, you can't tell that he's asexual. So in a typical conversation with a loan officer, they aren't going to know he's asexual. They'll just think he a single male, you know? So if he just doesn't talk about it publicly, again not at all ideal, but in a worse case situation, if he doesn't talk about it publicly then he should be able to get through life without having to combat much discrimination. Now some of his friends might not have it as easy.

There is a recently formed LGBTQ Center in our area. I did put the bug in his ear that when we get home he should look into it as a source of not only finding others to talk to, but a source to see what he can do to help combat going down this road. And he turns 18 in October this year so I am encouraging him to get out and vote. Those two things are about the best hope I can give him at this point to actually do something and not just feel consumed by fear.

[Traci_Momof2]

What is aromantic?

Aromantic means having no inclinations towards any kind of romantic feelings for anyone. So no type of romantic relationships with anyone. Whereas asexual means no desire for any kind of sexual activity. The two kind of go hand in hand but it is possible to be one and not the other. You could have someone who enjoys sexual activity but has no desire for any of the romantic stuff that goes with a relationship, they just want S*x. You could also have someone who wants a romantic relationship - someone to cuddle with, hold hands with, share their lives with, but has zero interest in any actual sexual activity. S*x and romance often go together but can be separate things. My son happens to have zero interest or inclination towards either one.

[LiveWhatULove]

I’d have to balance his overall emotional well-being, and only you know how vulnerable your son is…

But in our house, we have shut this panic and dramatic sh*t down. Old trigger laws, crazy ass politicians that lobbied on BS, will be voted out. I truly believe that sanity will prevail, and things will actually possibly be even BETTER than the previous status quo, due to strong emotional feelings.

So we have a no victims rule until you truly are one — so that attitude would drive me absolutely bonkers.

[mommy_jules]

It could mean he’s not allowed to marry
It could mean he is forced into a treatment center for mental health
It could mean he loses rights that combat discrimination and could lose his ability to get a mortgage or business loan.
It could mean his life choices are gone. He won’t be seen as a valid human being anymore.

I’m not saying this in an unconcerned way, it’s what I’m terrified about for my Gay daughter.

For my DS specifically, it's not about marriage or sexual relations. Since he's asexual and aromantic he has no intentions of engaging in either of those things.

The other things you mentioned, I guess I could see that. I guess for him if anything it means being back in the closet in the public eye. Which is absolutely not ideal at all, not at all what I want. But I guess what I'm saying is if you look at him and talk to him, you can't tell that he's asexual. So in a typical conversation with a loan officer, they aren't going to know he's asexual. They'll just think he a single male, you know? So if he just doesn't talk about it publicly, again not at all ideal, but in a worse case situation, if he doesn't talk about it publicly then he should be able to get through life without having to combat much discrimination. Now some of his friends might not have it as easy.

There is a recently formed LGBTQ Center in our area. I did put the bug in his ear that when we get home he should look into it as a source of not only finding others to talk to, but a source to see what he can do to help combat going down this road. And he turns 18 in October this year so I am encouraging him to get out and vote. Those two things are about the best hope I can give him at this point to actually do something and not just feel consumed by fear.

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure where all this is heading, but it might be a good idea for you to reach out to that center and ask their advice as well. I’m sure they have resources and know of resources to help you help him. **Hugs to him and you**

[Anonymous 2]

I’d have to balance his overall emotional well-being, and only you know how vulnerable your son is…

But in our house, we have shut this panic and dramatic sh*t down. Old trigger laws, crazy ass politicians that lobbied on BS, will be voted out. I truly believe that sanity will prevail, and things will actually possibly be even BTTER than the previous status quo, due to strong emotional feelings.

So we have a no victims rule until you truly are one — so that attitude would drive me absolutely bonkers.

thank god he has a mother that cares about his emotions then and doesn't have to deal with you furthering the feeling of having to shut up about it.

[SoFloMom]

My heart goes out to your son. He sounds scared. I can absolutely understand that. I’m scared of the unknown too. My suggestion is to reach out to the LGBTQ+ center so he can get additional support and resources.