SD went and signed a lease on an apartment that is off campus for when she goes to school in the fall. She is going to school about 4 hours away from our house in the same state we live in. She doesnt want to live on campus in the dorms.
BM felt very strongly that SD should live on campus. SD has a full ride scholarship which includes on campus housing. She feels it is wasteful to give that up. She also feels like it will build some character.
SD doesnt want to share a room with a stranger. She went and toured the dorms and didnt like any of them. She says the thought of having to share showers with a bunch of guys and girls (all the dorms are coed) gives her anxiety
I can feel her. Me and her are very similar. I refused to live in the dorms when I went to school. It would have been my worst nightmare.
SD came to us asking if we would help pay for her to live off campus. DH said no because he doesnt want BM to get pissed off at him but he's supportive of me paying. He talked to her about it and she doesnt want anyone paying for SD to live off of campus. She thinks all kids should live in the dorms. He doesnt like fighting with her so he just said no. I told SD I would consider it depending on where she was wanting to move and the price. She found a nice apartment and is going to be sharing it with a good friend that is in the same program. The lease is only from August to December and they can renew it after that if they want.
Her portion of the rent is only $700 which includes all utilities and wifi. I dont think that is a bad deal at all. She offered to get a job to help pay but I told her not to worry about it. She will already be in an internship program on top of her classes and is required to do a certain amount of volunteer work to get her scholarship.
I know BM wont like it but honestly I do not care. I dont have any real contact with her. If she wants to be mad she can go right ahead. The next time I accidentally run into her in public it might be a bit awkward but whatever. We arent telling her right away because SD wants to get there and move in before the drama starts but BM will know when she comes to visit. She is already planing to help SD move in to her dorm which wont be happening
I dont think someone should be forced to live in a dorm based only on the opinion of a parent. The dorms are not for everyone
I'm paying for SD to get an apartment and BM isn't aware of it
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Anonymous 4
How would you know that the dorms are not for everyone if you've never lived in one? What utter snobbishness.
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Olioxenfree
- Princess
- Posts: 11515
- Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 5:53 pm
I'll start by saying that I understand that parent/child relationships can be complicated, especially with adult children, and I don't think the parent is always right in every situation. My husband has helped his recently adult younger siblings do things that their parents did not support because they, after becoming legal adults, decided it was in the best interest of their futures, like teaching his younger brother how to drive and helping him get a car, helping his younger sister go to a college that offers a better program for the career she wants to go into than the college that their parents wanted her to go to.
That being said I really don't see her mother as being unreasonable here. She's got free housing and is asking for others to get her an apartment so she doesn't have to live in a dorm? I'd tell her until she can pay for it herself, suck it up. I didn't like my freshman roommate, but being in the dorms gave me a chance to meet some really good friends and I switched rooms. Also, I'm not saying it doesn't exist because I don't know every single college, but I have seen plenty of coed dorms and have never seen a coed dorm that didn't have gender separated showers/bathrooms, I'd look into that some more to make sure that's actually the case. So, I'd stay out of it. Not wanting to live in the dorms seems like a petty thing to cause strain with her mother over. But, it's your money, you're all adults, do what you want.
That being said I really don't see her mother as being unreasonable here. She's got free housing and is asking for others to get her an apartment so she doesn't have to live in a dorm? I'd tell her until she can pay for it herself, suck it up. I didn't like my freshman roommate, but being in the dorms gave me a chance to meet some really good friends and I switched rooms. Also, I'm not saying it doesn't exist because I don't know every single college, but I have seen plenty of coed dorms and have never seen a coed dorm that didn't have gender separated showers/bathrooms, I'd look into that some more to make sure that's actually the case. So, I'd stay out of it. Not wanting to live in the dorms seems like a petty thing to cause strain with her mother over. But, it's your money, you're all adults, do what you want.
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Anonymous 1
Sd was going to get a job to pay for it herself, I'm just helping so she can focus on school.Olioxenfree wrote: ↑Sat Jun 25, 2022 11:56 am I'll start by saying that I understand that parent/child relationships can be complicated, especially with adult children, and I don't think the parent is always right in every situation. My husband has helped his recently adult younger siblings do things that their parents did not support because they, after becoming legal adults, decided it was in the best interest of their futures, like teaching his younger brother how to drive and helping him get a car, helping his younger sister go to a college that offers a better program for the career she wants to go into than the college that their parents wanted her to go to.
That being said I really don't see her mother as being unreasonable here. She's got free housing and is asking for others to get her an apartment so she doesn't have to live in a dorm? I'd tell her until she can pay for it herself, suck it up. I didn't like my freshman roommate, but being in the dorms gave me a chance to meet some really good friends and I switched rooms. Also, I'm not saying it doesn't exist because I don't know every single college, but I have seen plenty of coed dorms and have never seen a coed dorm that didn't have gender separated showers/bathrooms, I'd look into that some more to make sure that's actually the case. So, I'd stay out of it. Not wanting to live in the dorms seems like a petty thing to cause strain with her mother over. But, it's your money, you're all adults, do what you want.
All the bathrooms are gender neutral.
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