I gave her cancer!

[Anonymous 3]

You don’t have the ability to grasp what the truth is here. You’ve been given a tiny pinhole to look through and see someone else’s life, and you chose to use that privilege to hurt someone.

It’s not truth that hurts, it’s you that are trying to hurt someone. Don’t get it twisted…

It's not my fault she doesn't like to hear truth. Not my fault she doesn't like to hear she can't control her adult child anymore. Not my fault she needs to learn that she can't hold things over her child head just to get her way. You don't have to like what i say. I don't care. If this woman was my mother id cut her off the moment she tried to use the help she gives me and my kid against me.

So your opinion is the end all of opinions & you're here to tell each one of us?

More than half the commenters are saying you are selfish yet she's the only one who you have told is wrong and has "mommy issues"? Classic.

[Deleted User 1990]

It's not my fault she doesn't like to hear truth. Not my fault she doesn't like to hear she can't control her adult child anymore. Not my fault she needs to learn that she can't hold things over her child head just to get her way. You don't have to like what i say. I don't care. If this woman was my mother id cut her off the moment she tried to use the help she gives me and my kid against me.

So your opinion is the end all of opinions & you're here to tell each one of us?

More than half the commenters are saying you are selfish yet she's the only one who you have told is wrong and has "mommy issues"? Classic.

I’ll say she’s wrong too. Be nice. This poster has a child going through cancer, she could use a little gentleness.

[Anonymous 1]

It's not my fault she doesn't like to hear truth. Not my fault she doesn't like to hear she can't control her adult child anymore. Not my fault she needs to learn that she can't hold things over her child head just to get her way. You don't have to like what i say. I don't care. If this woman was my mother id cut her off the moment she tried to use the help she gives me and my kid against me.

So your opinion is the end all of opinions & you're here to tell each one of us?

More than half the commenters are saying you are selfish yet she's the only one who you have told is wrong and has "mommy issues"? Classic.

Dd 26 asked dd 22 if she thinks her queen bed will fit in the baby's bedroom with his crib ( we have a bedroom all set up for our grandson when he spends the night here.)

[Anonymous 3]

So your opinion is the end all of opinions & you're here to tell each one of us?

More than half the commenters are saying you are selfish yet she's the only one who you have told is wrong and has "mommy issues"? Classic.

Dd 26 asked dd 22 if she thinks her queen bed will fit in the baby's bedroom with his crib ( we have a bedroom all set up for our grandson when he spends the night here.)

And...?

[Anonymous 9]

They make very nice air mattresses now. Get a blow-up bed and stay over there. If she goes forward with the chemo she is going to want to be in her own surroundings where she is most comfortable in her own bed with her own things. She may have disability insurance through work which will help cover rent. Have her check what options are available through her breast center at whatever hospital she will be treated through. There may be a charity that operates out of there. My place does a few fund raisers each year so that they have a little pot to pull from to help supplement things like gas and groceries. I am very sorry she is going through this and at such a young age. Best of luck to her and your entire family getting through all of this. I say at the top of my lungs and from the bottom of my heart f**k CANCER!

[Anonymous 9]

It does not matter why she wants to keep her apartment. It is her apartment and her decision to make.

I failed to mention that in many cases counseling is now offered to cancer patients and sometimes their caregivers. It is as important as any other treatment. I wish it had been part of the treatment plan the first time I had cancer in 1983. The physical emotion and mental pain and intensity of that experience haunted me for decades.

Treatment has made progress by being able to identify different types of cancer and different treatment treatments. But they haven’t come that far. Women still need to put toxic drugs in their systems, they still need radiation, they still lose all their hair, the medication still needs hours to drip into your vein and Neulasta still makes many women feel like they have the worst flu ever experienced.

Her daughter is very young, a single mother and must be terrified. I had a husband, children, sisters, mother, in-laws, we owned our home, no money worries and I was still full of anxiety.

Her mother is concerned that her daughter won’t be able to pay for her apartment. She’s also concerned that she won’t be able to meet her daughter’s needs. Her daughter might not be realistic in wanting to keep her apartment although I don’t blame her for wanting to keep it. If she’s in financial trouble she should be focusing on looking at programs geared towards women like her. Daycare subsidies, food benefits, rent assistance, anything to help her get through this.

when my granny had a double mastectomy she didn't have To go through any of that. They took her boobs gave her 2 meds she had to take the rest of her life. She passed years later of old age. So no not ALL women go through that stuff.

She has a mother who is trying to control her and force her to things she's not ready for. Did your family do that? Im betting not

Everyone is reeling from this news, not just the daughter. The entire family. Her mom is trying to strategize. I don't think this is control at all. I think the mom is just trying to think levelheaded and practically, because that's what moms do. They remain calm in a crisis to help their child. I have gotten this news, twice, and your mind bubbles over with thoughts and fears and decisions that have to be made IMMEDIATELY. Do I want a mastectomy for sure? Do I want immediate reconstruction? Implants or fat grafting? Can I save my lymph nodes so I am not facing a lifetime of lymphedema? These are mind boggling decisions. But - There is no time to ponder. Surgery needs to happen ASAFP before this rotten tumor gets bigger or invades more tissue. There is a window to begin chemo if you are going to do it. Once you pass that window, the efficacy is greatly reduced so you have to decide that course in the immediate term. Then you are trying to picture yourself bald. You are Googling wigs. Can I get a wig made from my own hair if I cut it off before it starts to fall out? Will people at work know? Will I look normal? Radiation follows after the chemo. There are a lot of life changing choices to be made in a very small window of time. I think Mom is just trying to take care of the logistics side as the daughter has enough to worry about.

[Anonymous 1]

More than half the commenters are saying you are selfish yet she's the only one who you have told is wrong and has "mommy issues"? Classic.

Dd 26 asked dd 22 if she thinks her queen bed will fit in the baby's bedroom with his crib ( we have a bedroom all set up for our grandson when he spends the night here.)

And...?

Oh I thought you might have some common sense and would understand that , it means dd26 has been doing some thinking about moving home.

[Anonymous 1]

They make very nice air mattresses now. Get a blow-up bed and stay over there. If she goes forward with the chemo she is going to want to be in her own surroundings where she is most comfortable in her own bed with her own things. She may have disability insurance through work which will help cover rent. Have her check what options are available through her breast center at whatever hospital she will be treated through. There may be a charity that operates out of there. My place does a few fund raisers each year so that they have a little pot to pull from to help supplement things like gas and groceries. I am very sorry she is going through this and at such a young age. Best of luck to her and your entire family getting through all of this. I say at the top of my lungs and from the bottom of my heart f**k CANCER!

Thank you so much.

[Anonymous 3]

Dd 26 asked dd 22 if she thinks her queen bed will fit in the baby's bedroom with his crib ( we have a bedroom all set up for our grandson when he spends the night here.)

And...?

Oh I thought you might have some common sense and would understand that , it means dd26 has been doing some thinking about moving home.

Probably just so you will just shut the hell up.

[Anonymous 3]

Treatment has made progress by being able to identify different types of cancer and different treatment treatments. But they haven’t come that far. Women still need to put toxic drugs in their systems, they still need radiation, they still lose all their hair, the medication still needs hours to drip into your vein and Neulasta still makes many women feel like they have the worst flu ever experienced.

Her daughter is very young, a single mother and must be terrified. I had a husband, children, sisters, mother, in-laws, we owned our home, no money worries and I was still full of anxiety.

Her mother is concerned that her daughter won’t be able to pay for her apartment. She’s also concerned that she won’t be able to meet her daughter’s needs. Her daughter might not be realistic in wanting to keep her apartment although I don’t blame her for wanting to keep it. If she’s in financial trouble she should be focusing on looking at programs geared towards women like her. Daycare subsidies, food benefits, rent assistance, anything to help her get through this.

when my granny had a double mastectomy she didn't have To go through any of that. They took her boobs gave her 2 meds she had to take the rest of her life. She passed years later of old age. So no not ALL women go through that stuff.

She has a mother who is trying to control her and force her to things she's not ready for. Did your family do that? Im betting not

Everyone is reeling from this news, not just the daughter. The entire family. Her mom is trying to strategize. I don't think this is control at all. I think the mom is just trying to think levelheaded and practically, because that's what moms do. They remain calm in a crisis to help their child. I have gotten this news, twice, and your mind bubbles over with thoughts and fears and decisions that have to be made IMMEDIATELY. Do I want a mastectomy for sure? Do I want immediate reconstruction? Implants or fat grafting? Can I save my lymph nodes so I am not facing a lifetime of lymphedema? These are mind boggling decisions. But - There is no time to ponder. Surgery needs to happen ASAFP before this rotten tumor gets bigger or invades more tissue. There is a window to begin chemo if you are going to do it. Once you pass that window, the efficacy is greatly reduced so you have to decide that course in the immediate term. Then you are trying to picture yourself bald. You are Googling wigs. Can I get a wig made from my own hair if I cut it off before it starts to fall out? Will people at work know? Will I look normal? Radiation follows after the chemo. There are a lot of life changing choices to be made in a very small window of time. I think Mom is just trying to take care of the logistics side as the daughter has enough to worry about.

Yep i know all about, have watched family go through it and been there to help them. Never once did any one act pushy or self like OP. Yes i get trying to make a plan but it's not HER plan to make, and can make suggestions but at the end of the day it's up to her dd if she wants to move back home or not. But OP has done nothing but talk about how inconvenient this will be for HER and how inconvenient they are now.

IF her dd wants to live at home cool that's her Choice but if she does not That's also her choice and her mother shouldn't be pushy and try to force her dd to do something she doesn't want to. And she also shouldn't hold the things she chooses to do for her dd and grandchild over their heads to manipulate them. Which is exactly what she has done.