I gave her cancer!

Anonymous 9

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Anonymous 7 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 9:35 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 5:53 am
Anonymous 9 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 12:38 am

Everyone is reeling from this news, not just the daughter. The entire family. Her mom is trying to strategize. I don't think this is control at all. I think the mom is just trying to think levelheaded and practically, because that's what moms do. They remain calm in a crisis to help their child. I have gotten this news, twice, and your mind bubbles over with thoughts and fears and decisions that have to be made IMMEDIATELY. Do I want a mastectomy for sure? Do I want immediate reconstruction? Implants or fat grafting? Can I save my lymph nodes so I am not facing a lifetime of lymphedema? These are mind boggling decisions. But - There is no time to ponder. Surgery needs to happen ASAFP before this rotten tumor gets bigger or invades more tissue. There is a window to begin chemo if you are going to do it. Once you pass that window, the efficacy is greatly reduced so you have to decide that course in the immediate term. Then you are trying to picture yourself bald. You are Googling wigs. Can I get a wig made from my own hair if I cut it off before it starts to fall out? Will people at work know? Will I look normal? Radiation follows after the chemo. There are a lot of life changing choices to be made in a very small window of time. I think Mom is just trying to take care of the logistics side as the daughter has enough to worry about.
Yep i know all about, have watched family go through it and been there to help them. Never once did any one act pushy or self like OP. Yes i get trying to make a plan but it's not HER plan to make, and can make suggestions but at the end of the day it's up to her dd if she wants to move back home or not. But OP has done nothing but talk about how inconvenient this will be for HER and how inconvenient they are now.

IF her dd wants to live at home cool that's her Choice but if she does not That's also her choice and her mother shouldn't be pushy and try to force her dd to do something she doesn't want to. And she also shouldn't hold the things she chooses to do for her dd and grandchild over their heads to manipulate them. Which is exactly what she has done.
No, what’s happening here is that you’re hearing from multiple people WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH IT saying it’s understandable what this mother is going through.
And you’re disagreeing with the logistical panic that comes along with this because YOU SAW PEOPLE GO THROUGH IT.
You have no idea if you’ve never done it.
👍👍👍
Observing and living are two very different things. You get it. The other one doesn't. If my mother was still with me at my diagnosis, she'd have kicked into high gear preparing too.
Anonymous 9

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Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 5:51 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 8:26 pm
Anonymous 5 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 7:46 pm

I have done it twice, and I am currently doing it for the third time. OP is not handling the situation well. Cancer takes away so many choices. No one, not even your mother, has the right to take away the remaining choices. Cancer treatment sucks. Cancer medication sucks. Cancer pain sucks. Cancer limits your choices and your lifestyle. Cancer sucks. The people in your life should not take away what choices cancer leaves you with.
I honestly would like to know how I have taken away her choices??

You're all acting like I told her that she HAS to move home. Where in the post or comments did I ever say that??

What I did was write a post here trying to give dd & I both some time to let it sink in before we starting talking frankly about reality of the situation.

What I said was , that she needs to move home so the family can rally around her. As a survivor of cancer , I truly know what she's in for & I know my dd as I'm her best friend. I'm who she calls first about anything & everything.

The reality is we just went through all this financial stuff 5 months ago when she was on maternity leave. She like most of you thought short term disability will pay.. Yep $157/week. This is why she couldn't pay her rent when on maternity leave & my dad paid for it.. She makes so much more to be able to afford the $1035/rent .

We have talked she's going to check with HR to see if she can take the family medical leave act ( the laws were changed) if she can't she knows she can not afford the apartment during treatment & surgeries on disability.

Whether or not she keeps the apartment, she's decided she does want a bed set up in the baby's room here. That way she can be comfortable when she spends the night. She just spent 3 nights on the couch cuz she didn't want to go home. Lol
You refused to hear any other suggestions or opinion or advice and just kept saying "i will be inconvenienced" and "it will be easier on ME" refusing to acknowledge that your dd is the only one who gets to make this decision. You made it more about you and less about her in your post.
You have got a giant problem. What on earth is wrong with the woman laying out a potential plan? She's the one that all of this is going to fall on. If the daughter can't work and her disability insurance won't cover the apartment, what else is the girl supposed to do? Financials aside - It's common sense to make your plan based on what's going to be easier and more convenient. This isn't something that's wrapped up in two weeks. It's not just a minor inconvenience. End to end you're spending damned near a year in cancer treatment and recouperating. There's a flurry of doctor appointments and consultations before you even get to surgery. Then there's time you can't lift your arms if she does the mastectomy. So she'll need daily help. You have to heal up from that for a time before chemo. Then you have the chemo appointments and those stretch out over many months. Most people are wiped out and can't do anything for themselves and need help with tasks after treatment. They're throwing up and weak. Then radiation is daily, 5 days a week, usually for 6 weeks after you've spent 7 months getting through your chemo. Who do you think will be driving her to all of this? Going with her to listen to instructions. Who do you think will be cooking for her, helping her bathe, keeping up with her laundry over these months and attending to all of her other daily needs? On top of all of this, the woman has a new baby she's going to have to take care of with all of the doctors appointments, daily care, running for diapers and formula, etc. This is a gargantuan thing she's taking on. So yes, she's thinking in terms of what's easier and trying to condense things down and minimize running back and forth. Any reasonably intelligent human being would do the same. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her making a plan and thinking in terms of what would be logistically simpler. It's basic common sense. She has absolutely nothing to feel bad about by formulating a plan that will make the next year flow as smoothly as possible. I don't know what the deficiency in your life is, but I hope you being cruel is making you feel better. You're really coming off unstable here.
Anonymous 3

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Anonymous 9 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 7:18 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 5:51 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 8:26 pm

I honestly would like to know how I have taken away her choices??

You're all acting like I told her that she HAS to move home. Where in the post or comments did I ever say that??

What I did was write a post here trying to give dd & I both some time to let it sink in before we starting talking frankly about reality of the situation.

What I said was , that she needs to move home so the family can rally around her. As a survivor of cancer , I truly know what she's in for & I know my dd as I'm her best friend. I'm who she calls first about anything & everything.

The reality is we just went through all this financial stuff 5 months ago when she was on maternity leave. She like most of you thought short term disability will pay.. Yep $157/week. This is why she couldn't pay her rent when on maternity leave & my dad paid for it.. She makes so much more to be able to afford the $1035/rent .

We have talked she's going to check with HR to see if she can take the family medical leave act ( the laws were changed) if she can't she knows she can not afford the apartment during treatment & surgeries on disability.

Whether or not she keeps the apartment, she's decided she does want a bed set up in the baby's room here. That way she can be comfortable when she spends the night. She just spent 3 nights on the couch cuz she didn't want to go home. Lol
You refused to hear any other suggestions or opinion or advice and just kept saying "i will be inconvenienced" and "it will be easier on ME" refusing to acknowledge that your dd is the only one who gets to make this decision. You made it more about you and less about her in your post.
You have got a giant problem. What on earth is wrong with the woman laying out a potential plan? She's the one that all of this is going to fall on. If the daughter can't work and her disability insurance won't cover the apartment, what else is the girl supposed to do? Financials aside - It's common sense to make your plan based on what's going to be easier and more convenient. This isn't something that's wrapped up in two weeks. It's not just a minor inconvenience. End to end you're spending damned near a year in cancer treatment and recouperating. There's a flurry of doctor appointments and consultations before you even get to surgery. Then there's time you can't lift your arms if she does the mastectomy. So she'll need daily help. You have to heal up from that for a time before chemo. Then you have the chemo appointments and those stretch out over many months. Most people are wiped out and can't do anything for themselves and need help with tasks after treatment. They're throwing up and weak. Then radiation is daily, 5 days a week, usually for 6 weeks after you've spent 7 months getting through your chemo. Who do you think will be driving her to all of this? Going with her to listen to instructions. Who do you think will be cooking for her, helping her bathe, keeping up with her laundry over these months and attending to all of her other daily needs? On top of all of this, the woman has a new baby she's going to have to take care of with all of the doctors appointments, daily care, running for diapers and formula, etc. This is a gargantuan thing she's taking on. So yes, she's thinking in terms of what's easier and trying to condense things down and minimize running back and forth. Any reasonably intelligent human being would do the same. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her making a plan and thinking in terms of what would be logistically simpler. It's basic common sense. She has absolutely nothing to feel bad about by formulating a plan that will make the next year flow as smoothly as possible. I don't know what the deficiency in your life is, but I hope you being cruel is making you feel better. You're really coming off unstable here.
There is a difference in suggesting and demanding and being selfish. If her dd doesn't want to move in then a different plan has to be formulated but op refuses to hear that her dd might not want to or even have to give up her apartment. She's assuming everything is going to go exactly the same as it did for her 2 decades ago. Multiple people have told her that her experience will most likely not be the same as her dds. Her dd is having a mastectomy. She may not need chemotherapy... multiple people i know didn't and others have pointed out the same. The plan unlimitedly is up to dd. But OP seems to want to force certain things on her dd and hold over her head the things she has done for her. Multiple people have pointed out that there are other options than just moving her dd in and others have been just a "mean" and have told her the same things i have yet the only person y'all to seem to have an issue with is me that's funny to me.

OP i wish your dd the best and i hope she makes the right choice for her and her child. If moving in with you is ends up being right for her then that's what it is. But if it doesn't i hope you can see past your own opinions.
Anonymous 3

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Anonymous 9 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 7:18 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 5:51 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 8:26 pm

I honestly would like to know how I have taken away her choices??

You're all acting like I told her that she HAS to move home. Where in the post or comments did I ever say that??

What I did was write a post here trying to give dd & I both some time to let it sink in before we starting talking frankly about reality of the situation.

What I said was , that she needs to move home so the family can rally around her. As a survivor of cancer , I truly know what she's in for & I know my dd as I'm her best friend. I'm who she calls first about anything & everything.

The reality is we just went through all this financial stuff 5 months ago when she was on maternity leave. She like most of you thought short term disability will pay.. Yep $157/week. This is why she couldn't pay her rent when on maternity leave & my dad paid for it.. She makes so much more to be able to afford the $1035/rent .

We have talked she's going to check with HR to see if she can take the family medical leave act ( the laws were changed) if she can't she knows she can not afford the apartment during treatment & surgeries on disability.

Whether or not she keeps the apartment, she's decided she does want a bed set up in the baby's room here. That way she can be comfortable when she spends the night. She just spent 3 nights on the couch cuz she didn't want to go home. Lol
You refused to hear any other suggestions or opinion or advice and just kept saying "i will be inconvenienced" and "it will be easier on ME" refusing to acknowledge that your dd is the only one who gets to make this decision. You made it more about you and less about her in your post.
You have got a giant problem. What on earth is wrong with the woman laying out a potential plan? She's the one that all of this is going to fall on. If the daughter can't work and her disability insurance won't cover the apartment, what else is the girl supposed to do? Financials aside - It's common sense to make your plan based on what's going to be easier and more convenient. This isn't something that's wrapped up in two weeks. It's not just a minor inconvenience. End to end you're spending damned near a year in cancer treatment and recouperating. There's a flurry of doctor appointments and consultations before you even get to surgery. Then there's time you can't lift your arms if she does the mastectomy. So she'll need daily help. You have to heal up from that for a time before chemo. Then you have the chemo appointments and those stretch out over many months. Most people are wiped out and can't do anything for themselves and need help with tasks after treatment. They're throwing up and weak. Then radiation is daily, 5 days a week, usually for 6 weeks after you've spent 7 months getting through your chemo. Who do you think will be driving her to all of this? Going with her to listen to instructions. Who do you think will be cooking for her, helping her bathe, keeping up with her laundry over these months and attending to all of her other daily needs? On top of all of this, the woman has a new baby she's going to have to take care of with all of the doctors appointments, daily care, running for diapers and formula, etc. This is a gargantuan thing she's taking on. So yes, she's thinking in terms of what's easier and trying to condense things down and minimize running back and forth. Any reasonably intelligent human being would do the same. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her making a plan and thinking in terms of what would be logistically simpler. It's basic common sense. She has absolutely nothing to feel bad about by formulating a plan that will make the next year flow as smoothly as possible. I don't know what the deficiency in your life is, but I hope you being cruel is making you feel better. You're really coming off unstable here.
There is a difference in suggesting and demanding and being selfish. If her dd doesn't want to move in then a different plan has to be formulated but op refuses to hear that her dd might not want to or even have to give up her apartment. She's assuming everything is going to go exactly the same as it did for her 2 decades ago. Multiple people have told her that her experience will most likely not be the same as her dds. Her dd is having a mastectomy. She may not need chemotherapy... multiple people i know didn't and others have pointed out the same. The plan unlimitedly is up to dd. But OP seems to want to force certain things on her dd and hold over her head the things she has done for her. Multiple people have pointed out that there are other options than just moving her dd in and others have been just a "mean" and have told her the same things i have yet the only person y'all to seem to have an issue with is me that's funny to me.

OP i wish your dd the best and i hope she makes the right choice for her and her child. If moving in with you is ends up being right for her then that's what it is. But if it doesn't i hope you can see past your own opinions.
Anonymous 3

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Anonymous 9 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 7:18 am
Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 5:51 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 8:26 pm

I honestly would like to know how I have taken away her choices??

You're all acting like I told her that she HAS to move home. Where in the post or comments did I ever say that??

What I did was write a post here trying to give dd & I both some time to let it sink in before we starting talking frankly about reality of the situation.

What I said was , that she needs to move home so the family can rally around her. As a survivor of cancer , I truly know what she's in for & I know my dd as I'm her best friend. I'm who she calls first about anything & everything.

The reality is we just went through all this financial stuff 5 months ago when she was on maternity leave. She like most of you thought short term disability will pay.. Yep $157/week. This is why she couldn't pay her rent when on maternity leave & my dad paid for it.. She makes so much more to be able to afford the $1035/rent .

We have talked she's going to check with HR to see if she can take the family medical leave act ( the laws were changed) if she can't she knows she can not afford the apartment during treatment & surgeries on disability.

Whether or not she keeps the apartment, she's decided she does want a bed set up in the baby's room here. That way she can be comfortable when she spends the night. She just spent 3 nights on the couch cuz she didn't want to go home. Lol
You refused to hear any other suggestions or opinion or advice and just kept saying "i will be inconvenienced" and "it will be easier on ME" refusing to acknowledge that your dd is the only one who gets to make this decision. You made it more about you and less about her in your post.
You have got a giant problem. What on earth is wrong with the woman laying out a potential plan? She's the one that all of this is going to fall on. If the daughter can't work and her disability insurance won't cover the apartment, what else is the girl supposed to do? Financials aside - It's common sense to make your plan based on what's going to be easier and more convenient. This isn't something that's wrapped up in two weeks. It's not just a minor inconvenience. End to end you're spending damned near a year in cancer treatment and recouperating. There's a flurry of doctor appointments and consultations before you even get to surgery. Then there's time you can't lift your arms if she does the mastectomy. So she'll need daily help. You have to heal up from that for a time before chemo. Then you have the chemo appointments and those stretch out over many months. Most people are wiped out and can't do anything for themselves and need help with tasks after treatment. They're throwing up and weak. Then radiation is daily, 5 days a week, usually for 6 weeks after you've spent 7 months getting through your chemo. Who do you think will be driving her to all of this? Going with her to listen to instructions. Who do you think will be cooking for her, helping her bathe, keeping up with her laundry over these months and attending to all of her other daily needs? On top of all of this, the woman has a new baby she's going to have to take care of with all of the doctors appointments, daily care, running for diapers and formula, etc. This is a gargantuan thing she's taking on. So yes, she's thinking in terms of what's easier and trying to condense things down and minimize running back and forth. Any reasonably intelligent human being would do the same. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her making a plan and thinking in terms of what would be logistically simpler. It's basic common sense. She has absolutely nothing to feel bad about by formulating a plan that will make the next year flow as smoothly as possible. I don't know what the deficiency in your life is, but I hope you being cruel is making you feel better. You're really coming off unstable here.
There is a difference in suggesting and demanding and being selfish. If her dd doesn't want to move in then a different plan has to be formulated but op refuses to hear that her dd might not want to or even have to give up her apartment. She's assuming everything is going to go exactly the same as it did for her 2 decades ago. Multiple people have told her that her experience will most likely not be the same as her dds. Her dd is having a mastectomy. She may not need chemotherapy... multiple people i know didn't and others have pointed out the same. The plan unlimitedly is up to dd. But OP seems to want to force certain things on her dd and hold over her head the things she has done for her. Multiple people have pointed out that there are other options than just moving her dd in and others have been just a "mean" and have told her the same things i have yet the only person y'all to seem to have an issue with is me that's funny to me.

OP i wish your dd the best and i hope she makes the right choice for her and her child. If moving in with you is ends up being right for her then that's what it is. But if it doesn't i hope you can see past your own opinions.
Anonymous 11

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Maybe your DD just is very overwhelmed right now and can't bare to make a big decision like moving in with you right now. Maybe she wants to be alone some during this difficult time. Everyone is so different with how they respond to things. I wouldn't push her with trying to make this decision. Hugs to your family!
Anonymous 1

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Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 5:51 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 8:26 pm
Anonymous 5 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 7:46 pm

I have done it twice, and I am currently doing it for the third time. OP is not handling the situation well. Cancer takes away so many choices. No one, not even your mother, has the right to take away the remaining choices. Cancer treatment sucks. Cancer medication sucks. Cancer pain sucks. Cancer limits your choices and your lifestyle. Cancer sucks. The people in your life should not take away what choices cancer leaves you with.
I honestly would like to know how I have taken away her choices??

You're all acting like I told her that she HAS to move home. Where in the post or comments did I ever say that??

What I did was write a post here trying to give dd & I both some time to let it sink in before we starting talking frankly about reality of the situation.

What I said was , that she needs to move home so the family can rally around her. As a survivor of cancer , I truly know what she's in for & I know my dd as I'm her best friend. I'm who she calls first about anything & everything.

The reality is we just went through all this financial stuff 5 months ago when she was on maternity leave. She like most of you thought short term disability will pay.. Yep $157/week. This is why she couldn't pay her rent when on maternity leave & my dad paid for it.. She makes so much more to be able to afford the $1035/rent .

We have talked she's going to check with HR to see if she can take the family medical leave act ( the laws were changed) if she can't she knows she can not afford the apartment during treatment & surgeries on disability.

Whether or not she keeps the apartment, she's decided she does want a bed set up in the baby's room here. That way she can be comfortable when she spends the night. She just spent 3 nights on the couch cuz she didn't want to go home. Lol
You refused to hear any other suggestions or opinion or advice and just kept saying "i will be inconvenienced" and "it will be easier on ME" refusing to acknowledge that your dd is the only one who gets to make this decision. You made it more about you and less about her in your post.
No that's what you wanted me to do & say so you could come off as better than me.

I never once even said anything to me dd about moving home until we both had time for it to sink it.

Your perspective is based on how you comprehend what is written. You didn't comprehend what was actually said, you just went to OP is forcing & OP is doing this or that cuz you said so.


Again you're a fool.
Anonymous 3

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Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 2:58 pm
Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 5:51 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Tue Jan 18, 2022 8:26 pm

I honestly would like to know how I have taken away her choices??

You're all acting like I told her that she HAS to move home. Where in the post or comments did I ever say that??

What I did was write a post here trying to give dd & I both some time to let it sink in before we starting talking frankly about reality of the situation.

What I said was , that she needs to move home so the family can rally around her. As a survivor of cancer , I truly know what she's in for & I know my dd as I'm her best friend. I'm who she calls first about anything & everything.

The reality is we just went through all this financial stuff 5 months ago when she was on maternity leave. She like most of you thought short term disability will pay.. Yep $157/week. This is why she couldn't pay her rent when on maternity leave & my dad paid for it.. She makes so much more to be able to afford the $1035/rent .

We have talked she's going to check with HR to see if she can take the family medical leave act ( the laws were changed) if she can't she knows she can not afford the apartment during treatment & surgeries on disability.

Whether or not she keeps the apartment, she's decided she does want a bed set up in the baby's room here. That way she can be comfortable when she spends the night. She just spent 3 nights on the couch cuz she didn't want to go home. Lol
You refused to hear any other suggestions or opinion or advice and just kept saying "i will be inconvenienced" and "it will be easier on ME" refusing to acknowledge that your dd is the only one who gets to make this decision. You made it more about you and less about her in your post.
No that's what you wanted me to do & say so you could come off as better than me.

I never once even said anything to me dd about moving home until we both had time for it to sink it.

Your perspective is based on how you comprehend what is written. You didn't comprehend what was actually said, you just went to OP is forcing & OP is doing this or that cuz you said so.


Again you're a fool.
I glad my mother isn't a controlling twat like you.
Anonymous 1

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Anonymous 3 wrote: Thu Jan 20, 2022 7:23 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 2:58 pm
Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 5:51 am

You refused to hear any other suggestions or opinion or advice and just kept saying "i will be inconvenienced" and "it will be easier on ME" refusing to acknowledge that your dd is the only one who gets to make this decision. You made it more about you and less about her in your post.
No that's what you wanted me to do & say so you could come off as better than me.

I never once even said anything to me dd about moving home until we both had time for it to sink it.

Your perspective is based on how you comprehend what is written. You didn't comprehend what was actually said, you just went to OP is forcing & OP is doing this or that cuz you said so.


Again you're a fool.
I glad my mother isn't a controlling twat like you.
I hope you feel better about yourself soon then maybe you won't have to keep trying to put other members down, as I'm pretty sure I'm not your only target.🤷‍♀️
Deleted User 1949

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Anonymous 3 wrote: Thu Jan 20, 2022 7:23 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 2:58 pm
Anonymous 3 wrote: Wed Jan 19, 2022 5:51 am

You refused to hear any other suggestions or opinion or advice and just kept saying "i will be inconvenienced" and "it will be easier on ME" refusing to acknowledge that your dd is the only one who gets to make this decision. You made it more about you and less about her in your post.
No that's what you wanted me to do & say so you could come off as better than me.

I never once even said anything to me dd about moving home until we both had time for it to sink it.

Your perspective is based on how you comprehend what is written. You didn't comprehend what was actually said, you just went to OP is forcing & OP is doing this or that cuz you said so.


Again you're a fool.
I glad my mother isn't a controlling twat like you.
Wow chick… Good F***ing thing you’re anon, because your name would be trashed every time you commented on anything from now on… you need a slap to the face, and if you had a good mother she’d be the one to give it to you at a time like this…
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