I will be surprised if she doesn't die

[Kookookrazy]

I went to visit my grandmother with my brother in the hospital yesterday . She doesn't have a disease from what im told she just has no energy and now has an infection. Anyway when I went to see her yesterday I was surprised..

She was staring straight ahead her eyes looking at nothing in particular. They looked glassy . She was no coherent at all. She's stopped eating completely . They gave me pureed food to feed her. She would hold the food in her mouth and it would fall out. She's not swallowing anything. Honestly be watched documentaries on death and she looked like she was nearing death. However my family believe she's going to make a complete recovery and we're acting oblivious to what I was seeing.

Her breathing was also very labored and sounded like she was choking at times and I said she could use some Xtra oxygen and they said no she's fine She can breathe.

I also don't know how to feel. She was always very abusive both verbally and physically. She made everyone around her miserable. I remember her beating the snot out of me and knocking out my grandfather's teeth , punching my mom in the face etc. So when I see her in this state I feel confused because for so long I was just waiting for her to die so no one would have to deal with her abuse but my family loves her and hopes she gets better... and then there's me that don't really care if she does or not because of all the prior abuse she done while she was healthy. She has been alot nicer lately for the past year or so. I just feel confused.

[islandchick]

How old is she? Why no feeding tube if she does not eat?

[Kookookrazy]

How old is she? Why no feeding tube if she does not eat?

She's 72. I have no idea I asked them that and they said they are going to a swallow test on Monday. My aunt just text me she's now in ICU her pressure dropped and heart racing.

[WickedLauraBelle]

They won't just do a feeding tube. She would have to agree to it. Doesn't seem like she cares of she lives or dies.

[RedBottoms]

Its okay to not be upset about her dying if she abused you. I get it. You can feel however you want to feel about it. You have a right to your own feelings. You don't have to pretend for anyone.

[Momest83]

Death doesn't immediately make someone a nice person. It's okay not to feel sad. You have a right to your feelings.

[Kookookrazy]

I wish could like individual posts on here. Thank you red bottoms and Momest83. I've just been feeling because although I didn't enjoy seeing her in that state...I wasn't particularly sad either.

[islandchick]

Its okay to not be upset about her dying if she abused you. I get it. You can feel however you want to feel about it. You have a right to your own feelings. You don't have to pretend for anyone.

This!!! I 've been in a similar situation. It is fine to feel that way. Death or being near death does not automatically erase everything in the past.

[Deleted User 670]

I'm sorry. You should not feel guilty with your feelings of apathy. She sounds like she is a horrible person. If she's not swallowing and not lucid, then she needs someone to be her medical advocate. Does she have anyone doing that? And I don't think you should be her medical advocate. I think you should just take a step back.

[madfoodie]

I'm so sorry. Hugs.