DS is missing his best friends birthday because he is grounded.

[Anonymous 5]

She might have been referring to the comment that could be seen as the mom doesn't punish her kids.

It's ridiculous to be going over your own misunderstanding this much.

I was just saying what could have happened. Nothing wrong with that.

Three pages now of dissecting her stupid comment. You guys are giving her way too much attention.

[Traci_Momof2]

Hypothetically if you kid did what her son did how would they have been punished?

Depends. What was their motivation for doing it? Are they sorry about it? Or are they being cocky and oppositional about it? Because I don't like the idea of just punishing actions. There is always some sort of motivation behind the action and if you get to the root of the motivation and fix that, the action goes away on it's own.

My oldest is 17 and has his drivers' permit. He's not even highly motivated to get out there and practice enough to go get his license. I have a really hard time seeing him take the car on his own for some devious shenanigans.

He was sneaking out to meet up with his girlfriend and then go to a party. He is sorry about it. It you were me how would you have punished my son?

Even before getting to punishment my conversation with him would have started with "why did you sneak out instead of just asking?" Because it's rare that we've denied him the opportunity to go hang out with his friends, and he knows that. He knows all he has to do is ask. So I would be very confused as to why he felt the need to sneak out just to hang with friends.

[Anonymous 1]

Well, it’s a full sentence. Just reading the beginning of the sentence might make it seem that way but if you finish it…

How I read it is that you are not a fan of punishment no matter the cost which would mean from tiny costs to big costs. Punishment always comes at a cost so it can also be taken as you aren't for punishment. I'm not the only one who took it that way.

I was not confused. To me she meant she is not a fan of using a particular punishment in a particular situation regardless of the cost of said punishment. Using your situation as an example (and Lindsay feel free to correct me) she's saying if it wasn't for the already planned big trip then she might be all for using the grounding as a punishment, but because it would affect the big trip and affect his best friend on his birthday no less, then she would find a different means to punish in that situation.
Whereas you are using the grounding as punishment no matter the cost, meaning you are grounding your son no matter what it means he misses out on. That's all that she's saying she's not a fan of.

I understand what she is saying now.

[Anonymous 1]

Depends. What was their motivation for doing it? Are they sorry about it? Or are they being cocky and oppositional about it? Because I don't like the idea of just punishing actions. There is always some sort of motivation behind the action and if you get to the root of the motivation and fix that, the action goes away on it's own.

My oldest is 17 and has his drivers' permit. He's not even highly motivated to get out there and practice enough to go get his license. I have a really hard time seeing him take the car on his own for some devious shenanigans.

He was sneaking out to meet up with his girlfriend and then go to a party. He is sorry about it. It you were me how would you have punished my son?

Even before getting to punishment my conversation with him would have started with "why did you sneak out instead of just asking?" Because it's rare that we've denied him the opportunity to go hang out with his friends, and he knows that. He knows all he has to do is ask. So I would be very confused as to why he felt the need to sneak out just to hang with friends.

He was told no. It was a party where there would likely be alcohol and drugs. Many college students were going to the same party. I also wouldn't allow him to he out that late. I got the call at 3 am.

[Traci_Momof2]

He was sneaking out to meet up with his girlfriend and then go to a party. He is sorry about it. It you were me how would you have punished my son?

Even before getting to punishment my conversation with him would have started with "why did you sneak out instead of just asking?" Because it's rare that we've denied him the opportunity to go hang out with his friends, and he knows that. He knows all he has to do is ask. So I would be very confused as to why he felt the need to sneak out just to hang with friends.

He was told no. It was a party where there would likely be alcohol and drugs. Many college students were going to the same party. I also wouldn't allow him to he out that late. I got the call at 3 am.

It's hard for me to imagine my son even wanting to go to a party like that. It's not his scene. So it's hard for me to imagine what kind of punishment I might employ. Honestly I'd have to probably just send him to bed and think about it for a good day before I could tell him what his punishment is.

Earlier this year we left the two boys (ages 14 and 16 then) home alone for the weekend, two overnights. The worst thing that happened all weekend was that they broke a glass measuring cup when one of them dropped it while they were doing dishes.

[Anonymous 1]

Even before getting to punishment my conversation with him would have started with "why did you sneak out instead of just asking?" Because it's rare that we've denied him the opportunity to go hang out with his friends, and he knows that. He knows all he has to do is ask. So I would be very confused as to why he felt the need to sneak out just to hang with friends.

He was told no. It was a party where there would likely be alcohol and drugs. Many college students were going to the same party. I also wouldn't allow him to he out that late. I got the call at 3 am.

It's hard for me to imagine my son even wanting to go to a party like that. It's not his scene. So it's hard for me to imagine what kind of punishment I might employ. Honestly I'd have to probably just send him to bed and think about it for a good day before I could tell him what his punishment is.

Earlier this year we left the two boys (ages 14 and 16 then) home alone for the weekend, two overnights. The worst thing that happened all weekend was that they broke a glass measuring cup when one of them dropped it while they were doing dishes.

We
Okay...IF you were me how would you punish my son? He has done stuff in the past but nothing close to this.

[Traci_Momof2]

He was told no. It was a party where there would likely be alcohol and drugs. Many college students were going to the same party. I also wouldn't allow him to he out that late. I got the call at 3 am.

It's hard for me to imagine my son even wanting to go to a party like that. It's not his scene. So it's hard for me to imagine what kind of punishment I might employ. Honestly I'd have to probably just send him to bed and think about it for a good day before I could tell him what his punishment is.

Earlier this year we left the two boys (ages 14 and 16 then) home alone for the weekend, two overnights. The worst thing that happened all weekend was that they broke a glass measuring cup when one of them dropped it while they were doing dishes.

We
Okay...IF you were me how would you punish my son? He has done stuff in the past but nothing close to this.

I don't know. That's my short simple factual answer. I'd have to figure something out.
The only thing I do know is that I would not be comfortable essentially punishing his best friend on their birthday in the process. I would find a different way.

Like I said originally, you do you. You have enough people in here agreeing with you to support it.

[Anonymous 6]

LOL bump

[Anonymous 7]

IF you were me how would you punish my son?

Make him pay for his own phone and internet bills, until such time as he's paid back to those inconvenienced a sum equal to the fine he could have been changed for stealing a car.

Oh, and make him write a well researched essay on the legal position of someone who takes property (even temporarily) at a time they known they are not authorized to do so.

[Quorra2.0]

LOL bump

Why?