I’m actually interested (s/o from kids want nothing to do with dads baby post)

[Bubbs]

Work is taking forever today so I am interested in this part of that original post

How many relationships you have or maintain out of obligation or because you “should”?
And why do you feel that obligation? Without that feeling would you still have that person in your life?

(Family or not family)

[WickedPissah]

None.

[Anonymous 1]

None. I give people a chance to want to be in my life and i show them i want to be in theirs. If the effort is not reciprocated then i do not continue to pursue the relationship. I haven't talked to my cousin, Aunt or uncle from one family for over 4 years now. And i haven't talked to my other cousin and his kids in over 6 years. I'm better off without them.

[Pjmm]

I can't say i feel obligated to maintain any relationship.

[Momto2boys973]

I can only think of one right now: my former sil.
We clashed from the start and she did some pretty nasty things to me during her wedding and some events leading to it. And the. She even tried not to have me mentioned on my brother’s headstone after he died- it was actually because of my nephew that she didn’t succeed. But during the times I have to endure her presence, I just do. It’s not the end of the world. Now I don’t have to see her much anymore. My nephews are now grown, we talk or see each other without needing her around. By now, after how she acted during ju brother’s illness, my mom is very angry at her.

Why do I feel that obligation? Because I care about my nephews. And before that I cared about my brother and having to spend a few hours a week with someone I don’t like is small price to pay to be a happy, pleasant family.
No, I wouldn’t have her in my life without that obligation. In fact, since this whole Covid 19 started I haven’t seen her or talked to her. Not even a WhatsApp message. The one time I saw her was because my oldest nephew shares a birthday with my youngest son and they had a Zoom meeting to congratulate each other and we all got in.

I don’t even see this as forcing a relationship with her. Just simply forcing cordiality.

Work is taking forever today so I am interested in this part of that original post

How many relationships you have or maintain out of obligation or because you “should”?
And why do you feel that obligation? Without that feeling would you still have that person in your life?

(Family or not family)

[mommy_jules]

None, I suppose. Sometimes I feel guilty about not making more effort with my dad, but then I scold myself for feeling guilty. I have unresolved issues there. Otherwise, though, if I make an effort to keep contact with someone, it’s because I care for them and consider them family. Family is important to me, but family is the people who care and are there for you when you need them and vice versa.

[Traci_Momof2]

My mom sort of. If she had been just a friend I would have ditched her long before. But she was my mom, so there was a bit of an obligation to not completely cut her out of my life. I kept her at a distance for a lot of my adulthood, but never completely cut her out. It was very complicated.

I guess too you could say DH's parents and siblings. They're not bad people at all, just not the type we typically hang out with. Again, we would most likely never be friends with them just because of different life situations. But we have a relationship with them because they are family. It's not a super close relationship, but a relationship none the less.

Whether that truly falls under obligation in the sense you are talking, I don't know.

[Momto2boys973]

Oh, one thing to add. Many relationships I have now started as “obligations”. When I started dating DH I didn’t know his family. Our initial relationship was an “obligation” as we had to start working at it. Now it’s a genuine relationship with people I love. If I had dismiss them as unimportant and not worthy of my effort, I would’ve missed out on so much.
So yes, sometimes it’s for the best to make a little effort, especially if that person hasn’t done anything to you at first. And then it grows into a genuine, loving relationship.

[Lotus]

I moved away from home when I was 17 for school, that made it very easy to lose touch with family that I did not necessarily dislike but who were not people I would choose to have in my life had we not be born into the same family, and as far as the other Ive always kept my circle of close friends small.

[Bubbs]

I can only think of one right now: my former sil.
We clashed from the start and she did some pretty nasty things to me during her wedding and some events leading to it. And the. She even tried not to have me mentioned on my brother’s headstone after he died- it was actually because of my nephew that she didn’t succeed. But during the times I have to endure her presence, I just do. It’s not the end of the world. Now I don’t have to see her much anymore. My nephews are now grown, we talk or see each other without needing her around. By now, after how she acted during ju brother’s illness, my mom is very angry at her.

Why do I feel that obligation? Because I care about my nephews. And before that I cared about my brother and having to spend a few hours a week with someone I don’t like is small price to pay to be a happy, pleasant family.
No, I wouldn’t have her in my life without that obligation. In fact, since this whole Covid 19 started I haven’t seen her or talked to her. Not even a WhatsApp message. The one time I saw her was because my oldest nephew shares a birthday with my youngest son and they had a Zoom meeting to congratulate each other and we all got in.

I don’t even see this as forcing a relationship with her. Just simply forcing cordiality.

Work is taking forever today so I am interested in this part of that original post

How many relationships you have or maintain out of obligation or because you “should”?
And why do you feel that obligation? Without that feeling would you still have that person in your life?

(Family or not family)

I am cordial when forced, but those times have been few and far between. I have no relationship with my father & we both prefer it that way. So if I must be in the same place, I’ll say “hello” and figure out how far away I can sit, do he doesn’t try to chat.
I’m obligated to not be rude, because Of who I am. I’m not obligated to chat him up.
If it’s an event that we might be in closer proximity, I can usually use travel, school or my kids as an out.