S/O I have 50/50 custody and no one is the primary parent

[Momto2boys973]

I think it’s great that you and your ex can coparent with maturity and your kids’ best interests in mind.
Unfortunately, it seems many cannot do that and prefer to use the kids as pawn to screw each other up.
In cases like these I think it’s necessary to have one parent have more of a saying because a moderator can only do very little to really reach an agreement.

[Anonymous 5]

The same argument can be applied to married couples. Sure my husband and I share our children 50/50 but there are and will continue to be times when one of us makes a decision and the other will be opposed. Period. So what should we do? Go to court? Go to mediation? It’s ridiculous.

Exactly.

[Frau Holle]

We could meet with a mediator to help guide us through the issue or go to court. That has never been something we needed but they are options.

Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.

What do married couples do when they don't agree on something. They figure it out. There is no primary parent in a marriage. I never understand why people think that just because a couple is divorced one person deserves more power over the kids than the other. married couples have to work this stuff out every day.

When it came to the kids I had final say because I was their primary caregiver, and he got the final say in business dealings because he was the one that actually dealt with them.


One person is going to make the final decision whether this is planned out or not.

[Poietes]

Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.

What do married couples do when they don't agree on something. They figure it out. There is no primary parent in a marriage. I never understand why people think that just because a couple is divorced one person deserves more power over the kids than the other. married couples have to work this stuff out every day.

When it came to the kids I had final say because I was their primary caregiver, and he got the final say in business dealings because he was the one that actually dealt with them.


One person is going to make the final decision whether this is planned out or not.

I find that sad. Sure there are times dh will defer to me or I'll defer to him if something means more to one than the other but for the most part we talk things out and come to a compromise especially if we both feel strongly. No one's opinion means more than the others.

[Momto2boys973]

Because a divorce means some emotions that can interfere with the parents being able to reach a compromise. When I disagree with my husband and can’t reach a middle ground it’s obvious one of us will have to give in. Since we’re also a couple and also care about our marriage and each other we’re very willing to do it when we realize it’s very important for the other person. We pick our battles because our relationship comes first.
Divorced couples may have bitter feelings for each other and no longer have that desire to keep their relationship in positive terms. So it’s harder for a person with negative feelings to give in on behalf of the other person and their relationship.

We could meet with a mediator to help guide us through the issue or go to court. That has never been something we needed but they are options.

Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.

What do married couples do when they don't agree on something. They figure it out. There is no primary parent in a marriage. I never understand why people think that just because a couple is divorced one person deserves more power over the kids than the other. married couples have to work this stuff out every day.

[Poietes]

Because a divorce means some emotions that can interfere with the parents being able to reach a compromise. When I disagree with my husband and can’t reach a middle ground it’s obvious one of us will have to give in. Since we’re also a couple and also care about our marriage and each other we’re very willing to do it when we realize it’s very important for the other person. We pick our battles because our relationship comes first.
Divorced couples may have bitter feelings for each other and no longer have that desire to keep their relationship in positive terms. So it’s harder for a person with negative feelings to give in on behalf of the other person and their relationship.

Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.

What do married couples do when they don't agree on something. They figure it out. There is no primary parent in a marriage. I never understand why people think that just because a couple is divorced one person deserves more power over the kids than the other. married couples have to work this stuff out every day.

That still doesn't mean one parent should have more power than the other. That just means they have to work harder to do what's best for the kids. I get this can't always happen because many people are selfish but if you can have 50/50 custody neither should have more say. I've seen every side of divorce from my family and friends, most have 50/50 some are awful to each other and some always do what's best for the kids. But none of them have the final say.

[Bubbs]

On paper we have 50/50 custody. But I am listed as the custodial parent. I don't know what would happen if I wasn't primary or if we were equal. Do you have to run all things by each other? That is more communication than either of us would prefer.

[Anonymous 8]

Primary custody(custodial parent) where i live, just means the kids use one address as their main address. There are many different school districts in our area so the kids need a primary address to sign up for school. Both addresses can be listed on school forms but one is primary and one is secondary. This is also true on the court papers. The parents can still have a week on/week off but if the non custodial parent lives outside of the others school district it is their responsibility to get the kids to and from school on their time. They both still have the same rights no matter if it's 50/50 or not.

[Anonymous 8]

That is what DH has, though he is listed as the residential parent for school and address purposes.

That's what primary custody means... They use his address as their main address.

[Anonymous 9]

Ok....good for you? Eventually there will be an issue and neither of you will want to give. Try your not so humble brag on that day.