S/O I have 50/50 custody and no one is the primary parent

[Anonymous 1]

We have always been able to compromise. It really isn't that hard when you put your feelings aside and think of what is best for the kids. Married or not married.

Often times however there is no compromise. It’s simply that one parent gets their way and the other concedes. That’s fact. Sometimes he will win, sometimes she will. So it matters not if one is married or divorced. That was my point.

The same argument can be applied to married couples. Sure my husband and I share our children 50/50 but there are and will continue to be times when one of us makes a decision and the other will be opposed. Period. So what should we do? Go to court? Go to mediation? It’s ridiculous.

Mediation is an option but you should be able to talk it out and compromise before it even comes to that.

[Anonymous 1]

LOL!! You cannot put 2 addresses in ONE spot on a form. You write them over each other? Someone's address is listed first...That's just a fact.

The forms never had one spot. There is no primary address. Both are listed. There is no first or second address.

Even if a form has multiple spots for addresses 1 address has to be listed first. Please tell me how a person lists 2 addresses simultaneously. You will either have:

128 Main St. Redwood CT 451 Jones Rd. Redwood CT
OR
128 Main St.
451 Jones Rd.

I looked it up on the parent portal. It is listed as and.

[Anonymous 5]

The forms never had one spot. There is no primary address. Both are listed. There is no first or second address.

Even if a form has multiple spots for addresses 1 address has to be listed first. Please tell me how a person lists 2 addresses simultaneously. You will either have:

128 Main St. Redwood CT 451 Jones Rd. Redwood CT
OR
128 Main St.
451 Jones Rd.

I looked it up on the parent portal. It is listed as and.

Ok and whose address is listed before the word and? Yours or his?

[Anonymous 1]

Even if a form has multiple spots for addresses 1 address has to be listed first. Please tell me how a person lists 2 addresses simultaneously. You will either have:

128 Main St. Redwood CT 451 Jones Rd. Redwood CT
OR
128 Main St.
451 Jones Rd.

I looked it up on the parent portal. It is listed as and.

Ok and whose address is listed before the word and? Yours or his?

DS has mine listed first and DD has her dad's listed first.

[Anonymous 10]

We could meet with a mediator to help guide us through the issue or go to court. That has never been something we needed but they are options.

Well, then that’s why there should be a primary parent.
You might not have needed it but if other people are taking up time in court for trivial disagreements like which school the kid should go to, it’s too time consuming.

What do married couples do when they don't agree on something. They figure it out. There is no primary parent in a marriage. I never understand why people think that just because a couple is divorced one person deserves more power over the kids than the other. married couples have to work this stuff out every day.

I wouldn’t say that’s true. I would say I’m the primary parent in our marriage bc I’m the one who takes care of the kids more. Dh and I do our best to work it out but if it really comes down to it I’ll be the one to decide.

[hockeymom87]

Primary custody(custodial parent) where i live, just means the kids use one address as their main address. There are many different school districts in our area so the kids need a primary address to sign up for school. Both addresses can be listed on school forms but one is primary and one is secondary. This is also true on the court papers. The parents can still have a week on/week off but if the non custodial parent lives outside of the others school district it is their responsibility to get the kids to and from school on their time. They both still have the same rights no matter if it's 50/50 or not.

We don't have that here. Both of our addresses are listed on everything one is not over the other.

LOL!! You cannot put 2 addresses in ONE spot on a form. You write them over each other? Someone's address is listed first...That's just a fact.

Just because one is listed before the other doesn’t mean that one is the primary. My parents had 50/50 and they both got mailed stuff from school. When I was sick they would ask which house I was staying at that week. That was in the 90s when it was rarer for dads to get equal custody.

[Anonymous 2]

That's really great. (Not that you're divorced...but that you're divorced that long and still working it all out amicably. )

14 years

That's really great that it's working well for you both. How many years have you been divorced?

Yes we alternate. I have even years and he has odd years

[Linda_Runs]

Everything with my ex and I is 50/50. Neither one of us has more say than the other. Everything is completely equal. There is no primary parent listed. I thought that was normal with 50/50 custody until I was reading another post where people were insisting one had to be the primary parent.

My husband also has 50/50 with BM and neither one of them is the primary parent either.

I'm not sure what the point of 50/50 would be if in the end one got the final say over the other parent anyway.

This is a normal scenario for parents that split amicably, have similar resources to care for their children, can manage the time equally and live close to each other. If more parents were like you two I would be out of a job.

[agander2017]

I think it's great that you can make that situation work for you. Unfortunately, not everyone can. There are usually a lot of fights, and people generally can't stand the other person after they split. That's why a lot of people do have a primary parent listed. I think it's sad, but not everyone can make it work.

[Frau Holle]

What do married couples do when they don't agree on something. They figure it out. There is no primary parent in a marriage. I never understand why people think that just because a couple is divorced one person deserves more power over the kids than the other. married couples have to work this stuff out every day.

When it came to the kids I had final say because I was their primary caregiver, and he got the final say in business dealings because he was the one that actually dealt with them.


One person is going to make the final decision whether this is planned out or not.

I find that sad. Sure there are times dh will defer to me or I'll defer to him if something means more to one than the other but for the most part we talk things out and come to a compromise especially if we both feel strongly. No one's opinion means more than the others.

Ok. I kind of find that sad. I Didn’t want a life of compromising when it came to what was best for my children.

I knew what was best for them because I was the one taking care of them. I can’t compromise on some things.

My husband also knew how capable and logical I was so he felt ok about focusing on his work and making his businesses extremely successful.