My confession about my husband

[leadfoot40]

Nope, not a marriage I would stay in, or a marriage I would’ve gotten into to begin with. S*x is a big part of a relationship and it has to work

[Anonymous 4]

Right and I would NEVER expect one to give up his seat for me, unless I was pregnant or visibly I'll. Why would I?

I suppose it’s simply my expectation based on past experience. When I am out with my family, one of my children or my DH always gets the door for me. When I worked in NYC, it was extraordinarily rare that a man didn’t insist I take his seat on a crowded subway.

Most of my recent experience with giving up seats is on airport shuttles, Disney transportation, public transportation in large US and European cities where we are vacationing, and it’s incredibly rare to see a man sitting when it is crowded. I personally do think it’s rude for a man to sit down when women and / or young children are standing. My oldest will absolutely insist that women and / or younger children take his seat and so will my DH. You can think my position is sexist, but it is certainly common based on my experience.

You can raise your children however you would like, but I’m going to raise mine to be gentlemen. Have we really gotten to the point in our society where it’s bad to be a gentleman?

And before you start to think that I’m all about traditional gender roles, I have a JD and have held a “real” job pretty constantly since I’ve graduated from college (including when I was in law school). I am not reliant on a man to provide for me or my family, and while I do most of the cooking the trade off is my DH and children do the dishes and clean the kitchen every night.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with men acting like gentlemen, and I honestly think it should be encouraged. A man holding the door or offering you his seat is nothing to get worked up about.

I don't know where you got the impression I was working up about anything, but nothing you mentioned is more than people being decent human beings to each other and I would expect most of it from my girls. Also, you didn't answer me. If you had girls, would you tell them, they should be treated special by the rest of society? Do you honestly expect every male to give up his seat for you, because you're a princess? Does that apply to older/disabled men?

I wouldn’t take a seat from an older or disabled man, but yea I pretty much expect men to treat me (and all women) a little like a princess. It’s good practice for how they should treat their girlfriends and spouses.

[xsxpxixdxexrxsx]

I wouldn't be ok with that. Sometimes I like to initiate and I like to try new things. I also have a drawer full of goodies. I don't have a super high drive, but when I want it, I don't want to be rejected.

[HaggardWitch]

Do you think your husband has a fear of intimacy?

[Mamaof5]

I suppose it’s simply my expectation based on past experience. When I am out with my family, one of my children or my DH always gets the door for me. When I worked in NYC, it was extraordinarily rare that a man didn’t insist I take his seat on a crowded subway.

Most of my recent experience with giving up seats is on airport shuttles, Disney transportation, public transportation in large US and European cities where we are vacationing, and it’s incredibly rare to see a man sitting when it is crowded. I personally do think it’s rude for a man to sit down when women and / or young children are standing. My oldest will absolutely insist that women and / or younger children take his seat and so will my DH. You can think my position is sexist, but it is certainly common based on my experience.

You can raise your children however you would like, but I’m going to raise mine to be gentlemen. Have we really gotten to the point in our society where it’s bad to be a gentleman?

And before you start to think that I’m all about traditional gender roles, I have a JD and have held a “real” job pretty constantly since I’ve graduated from college (including when I was in law school). I am not reliant on a man to provide for me or my family, and while I do most of the cooking the trade off is my DH and children do the dishes and clean the kitchen every night.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with men acting like gentlemen, and I honestly think it should be encouraged. A man holding the door or offering you his seat is nothing to get worked up about.

I don't know where you got the impression I was working up about anything, but nothing you mentioned is more than people being decent human beings to each other and I would expect most of it from my girls. Also, you didn't answer me. If you had girls, would you tell them, they should be treated special by the rest of society? Do you honestly expect every male to give up his seat for you, because you're a princess? Does that apply to older/disabled men?

I wouldn’t take a seat from an older or disabled man, but yea I pretty much expect men to treat me (and all women) a little like a princess. It’s good practice for how they should treat their girlfriends and spouses.

I expect people to treat others well regardless of gender. We should all be taught to hold the door for others, offer seats to those who appear to need one, etc. Basic kindness and mutual respect has nothing to do with gender.

[Anonymous 2]

I would be fine being with someone who wasn't super into S*x. I would not be okay with being with someone who makes any statements about how a "lady" should act.

Why? Standards aren't allowed now that feminism took over?

What standards should a “lady” be held to that a man shouldn’t?

Sitting in a chair for example. Men can sit with their legs spread open, but it just looks trashy and gross if a woman sits spread eagle.

[Lotus]

No intimacy would be a deal-breaker.
Him using his lack of whatever to judge my behavior as negative would also be a deal-breaker.

[Momto2boys973]

If it was something that was bothering me, I would suggest going to couples therapy to talk about it. Sounds like something is going on that he’s not talking about

[lauren08]

That would bother me, especially the comments about how it is inappropriate for a “lady” to be overly sexual. S*x and intimacy are an important part of a relationship, IMO, and both partners need to be on the same page. That would be difficult for me to feel like my feelings weren’t reciprocated, or that DH wasn’t interested in being intimate with me. It can be problematic when two people have very different needs when it comes to S*x, and it sounds like that’s where you two are at. Personally, I like being adventurous with DH, so I wouldn’t enjoy being with someone so vanilla. I’m sorry you are just now realizing that you’re incompatible with him when it comes to this. I hope you two can work something out. I would tell him that you crave intimacy and that it’s difficult for you to feel like your needs aren’t being met. Suggest ways to switch it up, and allow him to initiate so he doesn’t feel like it’s always being sprung on him. Hopefully, he can meet you in the middle.

[wildflowers25]

What bothers me the most is him saying you don't act like a lady should sometimes. I couldn't tolerate that nonsense.