My confession about my husband

[Pjmm]

I would be fine being with someone who wasn't super into S*x. I would not be okay with being with someone who makes any statements about how a "lady" should act.

Why? Standards aren't allowed now that feminism took over?

Of course we should have standards. But apparently his aren't the op's. So I'd tell him look you knew when I married you that I'm really not a lady. And I'm not. I drink whiskey with my dad and his friends for example. So I'd tell anyone I'm not changing. you need to accept that and let it go or we seek counseling. Your choice.

[Nopeville]

I suppose it’s simply my expectation based on past experience. When I am out with my family, one of my children or my DH always gets the door for me. When I worked in NYC, it was extraordinarily rare that a man didn’t insist I take his seat on a crowded subway.

Most of my recent experience with giving up seats is on airport shuttles, Disney transportation, public transportation in large US and European cities where we are vacationing, and it’s incredibly rare to see a man sitting when it is crowded. I personally do think it’s rude for a man to sit down when women and / or young children are standing. My oldest will absolutely insist that women and / or younger children take his seat and so will my DH. You can think my position is sexist, but it is certainly common based on my experience.

You can raise your children however you would like, but I’m going to raise mine to be gentlemen. Have we really gotten to the point in our society where it’s bad to be a gentleman?

And before you start to think that I’m all about traditional gender roles, I have a JD and have held a “real” job pretty constantly since I’ve graduated from college (including when I was in law school). I am not reliant on a man to provide for me or my family, and while I do most of the cooking the trade off is my DH and children do the dishes and clean the kitchen every night.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with men acting like gentlemen, and I honestly think it should be encouraged. A man holding the door or offering you his seat is nothing to get worked up about.

I don't know where you got the impression I was working up about anything, but nothing you mentioned is more than people being decent human beings to each other and I would expect most of it from my girls. Also, you didn't answer me. If you had girls, would you tell them, they should be treated special by the rest of society? Do you honestly expect every male to give up his seat for you, because you're a princess? Does that apply to older/disabled men?

I wouldn’t take a seat from an older or disabled man, but yea I pretty much expect men to treat me (and all women) a little like a princess. It’s good practice for how they should treat their girlfriends and spouses.

I expect my boyfriend/spouse to treat me well, because they love and respect me, not because I'm female. I treat my husband well for the same reasons. Gender has nothing to do with it. Honestly, back to the original comment, if my DH ever told me he thought I wasn't being ladylike, I would laugh. Who is he or any other person to try and mold someone to their version of ladylike?

[Anonymous 8]

If we were a family with children, I would stay until the children are grown.

This is so easy to say to someone. It is not easy to live like that at all.

Not Anonymous...this is Bieg

Fact. However, it's important to see beyond the fork in the road...all the way down to all the places it will lead. For example, how will she feel
when her kids utter the phrase "Daddy's new girlfriend?" How much time will her kids be spending away from her on visitation. And how many of Daddy's new girlfriends will they have to endure? Will Daddy's girlfriend have her own kids? How might THAT go?

How will leaving affect finances? Will the children still be able to grow up in their home or will they have to move now that the parents must support 2 domiciles?

Will the children still be able to do all the extracurriculars and activities they would if she stays? One less person to drive and participate might make a big difference?

I just think that if you have given your kids a good childhood, you do everything possible to preserve that.

[SisterSomeone]

Nope, not a marriage I would stay in, or a marriage I would’ve gotten into to begin with. S*x is a big part of a relationship and it has to work

Pretty much this. I wouldn't have married this guy in the first place. And if somehow I did, saying things like "it's inappropriate for a lady to act that way" is a phrase that would make me run for the hills immediately and never look back.

[Anonymous 9]

He says, "It's inappropriate for a lady to act that way."

To that I say:

My husband is very awkward about S*x. By that I mean, he won't even kiss me in front of anyone. He gets squirmy around the topic of S*x. When we do have S*x it's very vanilla, and he does not like it if I try to initiate it. It turns him off. He doesn't like it when I say anything remotely sexual even in jest. Basically, he acts like a Puritan, only he isn't religious himself. I don't know why it didn't bother me before, when we got married. But now, it's annoying as f**k. And yes we have talked about it before. As far as I know, from what he says, there is no past trauma. He says he isn't comfortable about being so open. And he thinks the way I act sometimes is "inappropriate for a lady to act that way".

So I have some questions; could you stay married to a person like this? Would this bother you? How would you handle something like this?

[agander2017]

I think you knew this before you got married, and you should have thought about it before then. I don't know why it bothers you now, if it didn't bother you then. I personally wouldn't leave, because there is more to a marriage than S*x, but that's just me.

If you're unhappy, leave.

[Smarties]

I'd insist on therapy. That would drive me crazy. I like S*x and I'm a lady, thank you very much.

[Anonymous 10]

Does he watch porn?