Do you think she should be able to adopt again?

[jas]

As someone very familiar with the Chinese adoption system, I am not going to judge them at all. I know how awful the Chinese government is about disclosing SN in regards to adoption. There were several in our travel group that were touted as non special needs and once home the parents found out their children had some serious special needs. They have struggled greatly over the last 13 years of being home with their children.
Adoption disruption, while I hate that it happens, is sometimes the very best thing for the child in question as they do finally find that home that is perfect for them and their needs. It is very overwhelming to come home with a child that is healthy, much less one that has needs the parent was not expecting nor equipped for in the long run.
I can say that China would not allow them to adopt again. Their regulations have tightened exponentially over the years.

They touted before the adoption that they were specifically going for a child with special needs. Talked to the officials and knew what his diagnosis was. The kid was with them for over 2 years. This isn't a case of they had no idea. She talked about her kids not as a collective group but "my bio kid" vs "my adopted kid". She USED that child for MONEY. He was EXPLOITED for the fame and money SHE could get from him.

[LiveWhatULove]

I am not familiar with their social media situation, nor will I comment on the ethical use of donated funds.

But I am glad they had the option to find the best home the child, if they were unable to meet his needs.

I fully admit, as someone who worked in long-term care with patients with significant mental and physical impairments, I truly in my heart of hearts, pre-parent days, thought I was prepared and adequate to care for ANY disability. I was wrong, until you live the grueling 24-7-365, you simply cannot fathom it. Even with a child with SN, I still probably can’t grasp what it is fully like to have a child with other unique needs different than my child. It is something you have to experience for years to truly empathize with, IMO.

I was humbled and no longer have the blessing of ignorance as a pretentious, privileged mother, that thinks any person is capable of being a “good” parent to any child, if they just “love” hard enough. It’s a romantic notion, but sadly, not true.

I trust adoption agencies would do their full diligence in investigating the couples’s ability to properly care for another child, so I would leave it in their hands.

[LiveWhatULove]

Would a birth parent who placed their special needs child for adoption be precluded from giving birth again? How about a woman who chooses to terminate a special needs child? Should she not be allowed to become pregnant again?

The child wasn’t being abused, he wasn’t neglected, the family realized their limitations and did what they thought best for themselves. Do I wish more due diligence had been done before opting to adopt internationally, sure. Should that preclude them from adopting again? No.

This wasn’t a newborn, it was a 4 year old child who had bonded with his siblings and the only parents he knew.

Did he have RAD? Many times, these children have attachment disorders and they actually do not connect with their parents or family. I have read that it is a common reason for adoption dissolution. RAD is hard to diagnose in infancy & toddlerhood.

[hotspice58]

How do they want a SN kid, get him and then not be able to handle him? What if her bio child was SN? There are no guarantees with kids.

[JoJo728]

She should absolutely not be able to adopt again. A child is not a pet to be rehomed. They knew that the child was special needs before accepting him. As others have said, what if it was a biological child with special needs - would they have "rehomed" him/her? What this couple did is unthinkable. If the child didn't already have RAD before this, can you imagine the emotional issues that has now been added with this new abandonment.

If they couldn't fully meet his needs, they reach out to professionals but they don't get to stop being parents. I have a friend who has an autistic son. It wasn't easy for her and her husband. But they advocated for services and education. They got him into a residential program where he has made great strides. They didn't "rehome" him.

[Anonymous 4]

I'll go ahead and not judge. They couldn't (or didn't want to handle him and I don't care which it is) and now he's with a medically professional couple who can. The bigger issue is not should this woman and her husband be able to adopt again but should overseas adoptions even be allowed to happen as much as they do. Several of the birth countries of these children have lied their asses off to get rid of what they feel are inferior children which could easily lead to neglect, abuse and worse for those children. That is the bigger concern.

[Cupcake_mama_jzd]

I am not familiar with their social media situation, nor will I comment on the ethical use of donated funds.

But I am glad they had the option to find the best home the child, if they were unable to meet his needs.

I fully admit, as someone who worked in long-term care with patients with significant mental and physical impairments, I truly in my heart of hearts, pre-parent days, thought I was prepared and adequate to care for ANY disability. I was wrong, until you live the grueling 24-7-365, you simply cannot fathom it. Even with a child with SN, I still probably can’t grasp what it is fully like to have a child with other unique needs different than my child. It is something you have to experience for years to truly empathize with, IMO.

I was humbled and no longer have the blessing of ignorance as a pretentious, privileged mother, that thinks any person is capable of being a “good” parent to any child, if they just “love” hard enough. It’s a romantic notion, but sadly, not true.

I trust adoption agencies would do their full diligence in investigating the couples’s ability to properly care for another child, so I would leave it in their hands.

I currently work in a home for adults with intellectual and physical disabilities. The house that I work in consists of adults with dual diagnosis (ie: autism plus schizophrenia). A good friend of mine has a daughter who lives at one of the homes in our agency, so I saw what the family went through when puting her into a support home. I will never look down on someone for doing what my friend had to do, and I admire the humility it took for her to recognize that she couldn't give her child the 24 care the girl needed.

I completely agree with what you say, but here's where I differ in my feelings... When families put their children in care homes, they remain their parents. They put them in 24 hour support because the parents alone can not offer the support the child needs. They hand over guardianship in many cases, but they are still actively involved in their child's life (especially for children under 18). We never become the person's family, we are their support workers, working in tandem with the family to give the resident the best life possible.

What this YouTube woman did was wash her hands of the child after milking her followers for money. She didn't look for support in helping with the challenging needs of the child, she just gave up and walked away. I'm very glad the child is in a home where he is loved now, but I absolutely cannot condone what she did it how she did it.

[Anonymous 5]

I'm not in the business of judging people on situations I don't have knowledge on. It does seem like a horrible situation and I do feel bad for the child. But to be honest, there are some people in this world who are not cut out to be special needs parents. Whether it's their own biological child or an adopted child. Some people don't have it in them.
With all that said, having heard about some horrible situations involving special needs kids, where the parents could not adapt or refused to adapt, I am happier with this outcome over what could have been another. So many special needs kids are abused, mistreated and neglected because people either become overwhelmed or they don't have the patience to handle their needs. So if this couple felt like they were not able to provide for this child what he needed, them they did the right thing in my opinion. It's better than the alternative.

And to answer your question, I wouldn't find a problem with them adopting again. Now if this becomes a pattern, of course they shouldn't be looked at and scrutinized more during the process. But as of now, it just looks like they were in over their heads and they thought the child would be better off with a family who would be more equipped to handle his needs.

[Traci_Momof2]

I can kind of see both sides. Those of us who birth our children, we don't know what we are getting. When we get special needs we are blind-sided and don't always know what to do or have the resources for them. And it's not so easy for us to just "rehome" them. We are expected to just deal with it and be a parent.

But I also know that adoption itself is not easy. Even when the child is perfectly neuro-typical, adopting a child comes with challenges that don't exist when you birth your child. And then to add special needs on top of that, I think it's a situation that no birth parent can fully grasp. So if this couple truly felt like they could not handle his needs, I don't blame them for finding him a better situation.

In essence, not my call to make, not my place to judge. If the laws and regulations allow them to adopt again, then they can adopt again. Not my place to say they shouldn't.

[Anonymous 5]

I'll go ahead and not judge. They couldn't (or didn't want to handle him and I don't care which it is) and now he's with a medically professional couple who can. The bigger issue is not should this woman and her husband be able to adopt again but should overseas adoptions even be allowed to happen as much as they do. Several of the birth countries of these children have lied their asses off to get rid of what they feel are inferior children which could easily lead to neglect, abuse and worse for those children. That is the bigger concern.

I agree! And some of these agencies have been found to not be legitimate, holding illegal adoptions of kids who have been taken from their homes. I would be very concerned trying to adopt from overseas, knowing that I could be contributing to , what is essentially, a kidnapping.