Toxic people.

Anonymous 2

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That's called having a whole entire toxic family and I have one of those as well. Well, I don't anymore because I cut them all out. I am finally happy!!!! Took a long time to feel happy but with lots of therapy and self care, I'm there now!!
Anonymous 9 wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:11 am
Anonymous 6 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 5:30 pm
My Mom is toxic but if I were to cut her out completely my entire family would cut me out. It's happened before. Everyone thinks she's a good person and how dare you cut her out and you must be horrible for doing that but they don't know how she really is. I do. So I talk to her at bare minimum. I don't call her. She calls me. I see her at family functions but don't allow her to be alone with my kids.
How can your entire family be wrong while you are right?
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LiveWhatULove
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Anonymous 9 wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:11 am
Anonymous 6 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 5:30 pm
My Mom is toxic but if I were to cut her out completely my entire family would cut me out. It's happened before. Everyone thinks she's a good person and how dare you cut her out and you must be horrible for doing that but they don't know how she really is. I do. So I talk to her at bare minimum. I don't call her. She calls me. I see her at family functions but don't allow her to be alone with my kids.
How can your entire family be wrong while you are right?
It can happen.

If you live with a crazy or toxic person for 20+ years as a child to young adult, or are resigned & married to one -- what you see as "normal & healthy" and to be tolerated is very biased compared to the rest of the world or the family member who has "reflected" and realize, "this person is totally toxic".

OR

Scapegoating: a person with Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality Disorder can vent frustrations, aggression and hatred towards only one child -- then manipulating and uniting the other children or family members, who are made to think that this one sibling is guilty of everything. It doesn't necessarily stop in adulthood. This type of behavior can last life long.
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Frau Holle
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LiveWhatULove wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:16 pm
Frau Holle wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:58 am
I don’t think people are toxic.
Why not?
People are a product of their programming. Much like computers. One has to decide if another person is worth the extreme amount of energy it takes to reprogram someone or let them go on their way and out of your life.
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Frau Holle wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 10:26 am
LiveWhatULove wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:16 pm
Frau Holle wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:58 am
I don’t think people are toxic.
Why not?
People are a product of their programming. Much like computers. One has to decide if another person is worth the extreme amount of energy it takes to reprogram someone or let them go on their way and out of your life.
I don't disagree with that theory at all, but it's still not clear to me, how you came to the conclusion that some people are not toxic. It's not that big of deal, but is it truly an opinion OR scientific fact? I feel it's the latter, as people can indeed cause harm or be malicious to others, which can be scientifically measured, and this is the very definition of toxic. Whether you stick around to reprogram them with their toxic nature OR cut them loose, is irrelevant.
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LiveWhatULove wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 11:10 am
Frau Holle wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 10:26 am
LiveWhatULove wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:16 pm


Why not?
People are a product of their programming. Much like computers. One has to decide if another person is worth the extreme amount of energy it takes to reprogram someone or let them go on their way and out of your life.
I don't disagree with that theory at all, but it's still not clear to me, how you came to the conclusion that some people are not toxic. It's not that big of deal, but is it truly an opinion OR scientific fact? I feel it's the latter, as people can indeed cause harm or be malicious to others, which can be scientifically measured, and this is the very definition of toxic. Whether you stick around to reprogram them with their toxic nature OR cut them loose, is irrelevant.
From what I look up about the term it is described as
“ a toxic person as anyone who is abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally—someone who basically brings you down more than up. “You may begin to feel dependent on him or her for their opinion, doubting your own,”


In which case I think it is an opinion. Someone can be factually abusive, but that makes them a criminal.

I think people say other people are toxic for some pretty mild reasons sometimes. “ He said he didn’t like my dress! He never likes the way I dress!”
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This sounds personal.
Anonymous 10

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Anonymous 9 wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:11 am
Anonymous 6 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 5:30 pm
My Mom is toxic but if I were to cut her out completely my entire family would cut me out. It's happened before. Everyone thinks she's a good person and how dare you cut her out and you must be horrible for doing that but they don't know how she really is. I do. So I talk to her at bare minimum. I don't call her. She calls me. I see her at family functions but don't allow her to be alone with my kids.
How can your entire family be wrong while you are right?
How can a man beat his wife and no one knows about it .....
Anonymous 9

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Traci_Momof2 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:03 am
I could see when it's family, especially a parent, that it can be difficult to cut them out of your life. On some level you feel an obligation and can't just completely walk away. My mom wasn't the most toxic, but her alcoholism made her a level of toxic you could say, and I never really did completely cut her out. I would go long periods of time without communicating with her, but never completely cut her out. It was like still being a child on some level and still needing her on some level. It's hard to explain.

Now if we are talking about say a casual friend who you've discovered is toxic, that should be easier to just drop them and move on. They haven't been a part of your entire life like a parent or sibling has.
How bad was your mom with her addiction? Mine was pretty bad :-(
Anonymous 9

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Anonymous 2 wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 9:03 am
That's called having a whole entire toxic family and I have one of those as well. Well, I don't anymore because I cut them all out. I am finally happy!!!! Took a long time to feel happy but with lots of therapy and self care, I'm there now!!
Anonymous 9 wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:11 am
Anonymous 6 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 5:30 pm
My Mom is toxic but if I were to cut her out completely my entire family would cut me out. It's happened before. Everyone thinks she's a good person and how dare you cut her out and you must be horrible for doing that but they don't know how she really is. I do. So I talk to her at bare minimum. I don't call her. She calls me. I see her at family functions but don't allow her to be alone with my kids.
How can your entire family be wrong while you are right?
Ok. I was thinking of it from a different angle. Usually if a number of people in a family group are seeing a person (the mom) different than the one saying 'they don't know how she really is', the reason is logically because of the attitude and actions of the person the entire family wants to cut out.IMO.
Anonymous 9

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LiveWhatULove wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 9:29 am
Anonymous 9 wrote:
Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:11 am
Anonymous 6 wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 5:30 pm
My Mom is toxic but if I were to cut her out completely my entire family would cut me out. It's happened before. Everyone thinks she's a good person and how dare you cut her out and you must be horrible for doing that but they don't know how she really is. I do. So I talk to her at bare minimum. I don't call her. She calls me. I see her at family functions but don't allow her to be alone with my kids.
How can your entire family be wrong while you are right?
It can happen.

If you live with a crazy or toxic person for 20+ years as a child to young adult, or are resigned & married to one -- what you see as "normal & healthy" and to be tolerated is very biased compared to the rest of the world or the family member who has "reflected" and realize, "this person is totally toxic".

OR

Scapegoating: a person with Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality Disorder can vent frustrations, aggression and hatred towards only one child -- then manipulating and uniting the other children or family members, who are made to think that this one sibling is guilty of everything. It doesn't necessarily stop in adulthood. This type of behavior can last life long.
Interesting points. I can understand that.
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