Kathy Bates on MeToo: 'In my day, if you went to a guy’s hotel room, you knew why you were going'

[WellPreserved]

I wonder. Is wellpreserved who I think she is

I'm formerly msb64

[BionicBunny]

"Coercing someone is absolutely not rape. I don't know how you can keep insisting it is. Just because you're weak minded and allow yourself to be talked into things you really don't want to do, you're not a victim of rape. You're easily led and lack self confidence. The other person is a manipulative asshole.

But manipulation is not rape. You've still made a conscious decision to go along with it, because you decided that the perceived benefit was worth the act. You don't get to whine about it afterwards."

Honestly, I would be concerned if my son or daughter were dating someone who was brought up believing that coercion is not rape.

Anyone can say anything, which comes under the heading of coercion. That doesn't mean you have to agree to it. This is called personal responsibility.

How do you determine coercion? Where do you draw the line? If a guy says "oh, come" twice and the female says no, is that coercion? How many times can he ask? What is the magic number? What are the magic words? What's acceptable that's NOT coercion?

I'd be MUCH more concerned about dating someone who thought that you could say words to them and they'd feel justified in filing rape charges against you. That is absolutely frightening.

What you described is not coercion. Coercion is making a non-violent threat such as an employer threatening to fire you, a coach threatening to kick you off a team, a professor threatening to fail you, threat of revenge porn. Coercion also includes impairing someone so they cannot give consent - i.e, drugs/alcohol.

One out of four female undergraduates will be a victim of sexual assault and many of these assaults go unreported because many women have been raised that they were asking for it if they got drunk, wore revealing clothing, went to a guy's dorm room. Many men have been raised that if you get a "yes" by any means or at least don't get a "no", S*x is consensual or that a woman is giving consent just by the mere fact that she agrees to be alone with them.

New student orientation at most college campuses explain what constitutes rape and include coercion because many young men and women have not been taught that at home.

If you read the examples I gave from a site that listed “ sexual coercion “ you will see that they have listed something as simple as saying “ if you love me you will have S*x with me”. Or even calling a woman a prude. So saying these things and the girl Making a poor decision and going ahead and have S*x makes the guy a rapist. And I disagree that a man raped his girlfriend because he said if you love me we will have S*x and she was too weak to stick to saying no.

[BionicBunny]

I wonder. Is wellpreserved who I think she is

I'm formerly msb64

Oh ok. Why did you delete your account? I thought it would be too soon for the other one to pop in and your conversation made more sense than the ones I have had with her but I was wondering since it was a new screen name that suddenly popped up.

[WellPreserved]

I wonder. Is wellpreserved who I think she is

I'm formerly msb64

Oh ok. Why did you delete your account? I thought it would be too soon for the other one to pop in and your conversation made more sense than the ones I have had with her but I was wondering since it was a new screen name that suddenly popped up.

Because I had a ton of work to do and I didn't want the distraction and at the time most of the threads were full of catty banter rather than real discussion so it seemed like a good time to leave. I have time now so I came back but will probably leave in March when my work life gets crazy again.

[BionicBunny]

I'm formerly msb64

Oh ok. Why did you delete your account? I thought it would be too soon for the other one to pop in and your conversation made more sense than the ones I have had with her but I was wondering since it was a new screen name that suddenly popped up.

Because I had a ton of work to do and I didn't want the distraction and at the time most of the threads were full of catty banter rather than real discussion so it seemed like a good time to leave. I have time now so I came back but will probably leave in March when my work life gets crazy again.

How long have you been gone?

[WellPreserved]

Oh ok. Why did you delete your account? I thought it would be too soon for the other one to pop in and your conversation made more sense than the ones I have had with her but I was wondering since it was a new screen name that suddenly popped up.

Because I had a ton of work to do and I didn't want the distraction and at the time most of the threads were full of catty banter rather than real discussion so it seemed like a good time to leave. I have time now so I came back but will probably leave in March when my work life gets crazy again.

How long have you been gone?

I'm not sure exactly. I left sometime before Christmas.

[BionicBunny]

Because I had a ton of work to do and I didn't want the distraction and at the time most of the threads were full of catty banter rather than real discussion so it seemed like a good time to leave. I have time now so I came back but will probably leave in March when my work life gets crazy again.

How long have you been gone?

I'm not sure exactly. I left sometime before Christmas.

Well welcome back... for as long as you decide to stay. I Hope things don’t get too overwhelming as you get busy.