We were invited again

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Valentina327
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Unread post Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:18 pm

Smarties wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:56 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:30 pm
If it was the first thing SIL has ever done that seems rude, then maybe I could try to think she didn't mean it badly, but I know she did because she is a rude person in general. The "have to" part is rude. She could have said will he be eating with us? But if it was me, I wouldn't even say that...I would assume that and be fine with it. But we are 2 very different people and so I know I will never tell her that I am bringing my nephew again...if I decide we will go to their house and then something comes up with my nephew and he will be with us, I will ask her first and not assume she would be okay with it like I would be or we won't go.

My DH's aunt and uncle have a 30 something year old special needs child that lives on her own and has a job...she lives in an adult facility that helps special needs adults. Anyways, if his aunt and uncle were coming to our house for Christmas and they said they would have their daughter with them this year, I would say cool no problem! And I would assume she is eating with us because that's what you do. I barely know their DD but that's okay!
Smarties wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 5:46 pm
I think you're making too much of your sister being rude to you. Im not even sure she was intentionally rude to you at all. You didn't ask if it was okay to bring along a teen boy to her house for the holidays. That's a big deal to some people. I think you need to extend an olive branch for some peace again between you.

If you want to go, I would ask if its okay if you bring him, and let her know how much time he would be there before his dad came and got him.

Honey, please don't take this the wrong way, but you don't come across well to me in your descriptions of various events. There are two sides to every story. You aren't owning your side of things at all. That makes me think you are probably more of a problem than you are willing to admit. If she's communicating to you what her boundaries are, start showing her that you respect them so she doesn't feel the need to reinforce them in ways you don't think are pleasant. Asking if your nephew can come is a good place to begin. Best of luck.
I see what you're saying, but I'd probably just go along as the OP did and just assume it's one more and family, so why would anyone object. No big deal.

Maybe I'm wrong or maybe it's because I'm always hosting and planning the holidays and I'd never say no. My view might be distorted. :)
Smarties
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Unread post Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:21 pm

Valentina327 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:18 pm
Smarties wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:56 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:30 pm
If it was the first thing SIL has ever done that seems rude, then maybe I could try to think she didn't mean it badly, but I know she did because she is a rude person in general. The "have to" part is rude. She could have said will he be eating with us? But if it was me, I wouldn't even say that...I would assume that and be fine with it. But we are 2 very different people and so I know I will never tell her that I am bringing my nephew again...if I decide we will go to their house and then something comes up with my nephew and he will be with us, I will ask her first and not assume she would be okay with it like I would be or we won't go.

My DH's aunt and uncle have a 30 something year old special needs child that lives on her own and has a job...she lives in an adult facility that helps special needs adults. Anyways, if his aunt and uncle were coming to our house for Christmas and they said they would have their daughter with them this year, I would say cool no problem! And I would assume she is eating with us because that's what you do. I barely know their DD but that's okay!


Honey, please don't take this the wrong way, but you don't come across well to me in your descriptions of various events. There are two sides to every story. You aren't owning your side of things at all. That makes me think you are probably more of a problem than you are willing to admit. If she's communicating to you what her boundaries are, start showing her that you respect them so she doesn't feel the need to reinforce them in ways you don't think are pleasant. Asking if your nephew can come is a good place to begin. Best of luck.
I see what you're saying, but I'd probably just go along as the OP did and just assume it's one more and family, so why would anyone object. No big deal.

Maybe I'm wrong or maybe it's because I'm always hosting and planning the holidays and I'd never say no. My view might be distorted. :)

Yeah, I get that a lot of people don't care. But some people do and I don't think that's wrong of them for feeling that way. It also doesn't sound like the OPs nephew is any relation to her sil. Either way if I wanted to bring a tag-along to someone's house, I'd ask if it was okay in case they did have an issue with it, and just because thats more considerate.
Anonymous 4

Unread post Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:21 pm

Valentina327 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:18 pm
Smarties wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:56 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:30 pm
If it was the first thing SIL has ever done that seems rude, then maybe I could try to think she didn't mean it badly, but I know she did because she is a rude person in general. The "have to" part is rude. She could have said will he be eating with us? But if it was me, I wouldn't even say that...I would assume that and be fine with it. But we are 2 very different people and so I know I will never tell her that I am bringing my nephew again...if I decide we will go to their house and then something comes up with my nephew and he will be with us, I will ask her first and not assume she would be okay with it like I would be or we won't go.

My DH's aunt and uncle have a 30 something year old special needs child that lives on her own and has a job...she lives in an adult facility that helps special needs adults. Anyways, if his aunt and uncle were coming to our house for Christmas and they said they would have their daughter with them this year, I would say cool no problem! And I would assume she is eating with us because that's what you do. I barely know their DD but that's okay!


Honey, please don't take this the wrong way, but you don't come across well to me in your descriptions of various events. There are two sides to every story. You aren't owning your side of things at all. That makes me think you are probably more of a problem than you are willing to admit. If she's communicating to you what her boundaries are, start showing her that you respect them so she doesn't feel the need to reinforce them in ways you don't think are pleasant. Asking if your nephew can come is a good place to begin. Best of luck.
I see what you're saying, but I'd probably just go along as the OP did and just assume it's one more and family, so why would anyone object. No big deal.

Maybe I'm wrong or maybe it's because I'm always hosting and planning the holidays and I'd never say no. My view might be distorted. :)
It wasn't family and it was a catered event. Ops nephew is no relation to SIl. He is literally an in law of an in law.
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Valentina327
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Unread post Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:26 pm

Smarties wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:21 pm
Valentina327 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:18 pm
Smarties wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:56 pm



Honey, please don't take this the wrong way, but you don't come across well to me in your descriptions of various events. There are two sides to every story. You aren't owning your side of things at all. That makes me think you are probably more of a problem than you are willing to admit. If she's communicating to you what her boundaries are, start showing her that you respect them so she doesn't feel the need to reinforce them in ways you don't think are pleasant. Asking if your nephew can come is a good place to begin. Best of luck.
I see what you're saying, but I'd probably just go along as the OP did and just assume it's one more and family, so why would anyone object. No big deal.

Maybe I'm wrong or maybe it's because I'm always hosting and planning the holidays and I'd never say no. My view might be distorted. :)

Yeah, I get that a lot of people don't care. But some people do and I don't think that's wrong of them for feeling that way. It also doesn't sound like the OPs nephew is any relation to her sil. Either way if I wanted to bring a tag-along to someone's house, I'd ask if it was okay in case they did have an issue with it, and just because thats more considerate.
You're right. It's a good reminder. I hate to ever appear rude or inconsiderate.
Anonymous 1

Unread post Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:30 pm

Not sure how I am supposed to take what you said but not sure why you are saying 2 sides to every story when I have said what she said and what i said and I already said many times that if that happens again I would ask SIL first but not really sure that should happen again anyways since she didn’t seem to like that we brought him so I don’t think there will be another time to ask first anyways.

quote=Smarties post_id=624240 time=1575503810 user_id=632]
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:30 pm
If it was the first thing SIL has ever done that seems rude, then maybe I could try to think she didn't mean it badly, but I know she did because she is a rude person in general. The "have to" part is rude. She could have said will he be eating with us? But if it was me, I wouldn't even say that...I would assume that and be fine with it. But we are 2 very different people and so I know I will never tell her that I am bringing my nephew again...if I decide we will go to their house and then something comes up with my nephew and he will be with us, I will ask her first and not assume she would be okay with it like I would be or we won't go.

My DH's aunt and uncle have a 30 something year old special needs child that lives on her own and has a job...she lives in an adult facility that helps special needs adults. Anyways, if his aunt and uncle were coming to our house for Christmas and they said they would have their daughter with them this year, I would say cool no problem! And I would assume she is eating with us because that's what you do. I barely know their DD but that's okay!
Smarties wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 5:46 pm
I think you're making too much of your sister being rude to you. Im not even sure she was intentionally rude to you at all. You didn't ask if it was okay to bring along a teen boy to her house for the holidays. That's a big deal to some people. I think you need to extend an olive branch for some peace again between you.

If you want to go, I would ask if its okay if you bring him, and let her know how much time he would be there before his dad came and got him.

Honey, please don't take this the wrong way, but you don't come across well to me in your descriptions of various events. There are two sides to every story. You aren't owning your side of things at all. That makes me think you are probably more of a problem than you are willing to admit. If she's communicating to you what her boundaries are, start showing her that you respect them so she doesn't feel the need to reinforce them in ways you don't think are pleasant. Asking if your nephew can come is a good place to begin. Best of luck.
[/quote]
Anonymous 1

Unread post Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:33 pm

We host a lot too and I would never mind an extra person especially a kid. My SIL has met my nephew several times too. Why does it have to be blood to go to a Christmas dinner? It’s not like a stranger from off the street.

quote=Valentina327 post_id=624268 time=1575505093 user_id=743]
Smarties wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:56 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:30 pm
If it was the first thing SIL has ever done that seems rude, then maybe I could try to think she didn't mean it badly, but I know she did because she is a rude person in general. The "have to" part is rude. She could have said will he be eating with us? But if it was me, I wouldn't even say that...I would assume that and be fine with it. But we are 2 very different people and so I know I will never tell her that I am bringing my nephew again...if I decide we will go to their house and then something comes up with my nephew and he will be with us, I will ask her first and not assume she would be okay with it like I would be or we won't go.

My DH's aunt and uncle have a 30 something year old special needs child that lives on her own and has a job...she lives in an adult facility that helps special needs adults. Anyways, if his aunt and uncle were coming to our house for Christmas and they said they would have their daughter with them this year, I would say cool no problem! And I would assume she is eating with us because that's what you do. I barely know their DD but that's okay!


Honey, please don't take this the wrong way, but you don't come across well to me in your descriptions of various events. There are two sides to every story. You aren't owning your side of things at all. That makes me think you are probably more of a problem than you are willing to admit. If she's communicating to you what her boundaries are, start showing her that you respect them so she doesn't feel the need to reinforce them in ways you don't think are pleasant. Asking if your nephew can come is a good place to begin. Best of luck.
I see what you're saying, but I'd probably just go along as the OP did and just assume it's one more and family, so why would anyone object. No big deal.

Maybe I'm wrong or maybe it's because I'm always hosting and planning the holidays and I'd never say no. My view might be distorted. :)
[/quote]
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Vegaswife2011
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Unread post Wed Dec 04, 2019 9:33 pm

Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 1:37 pm
Yes it was obviously a problem to SIL about feeding him so we brought leftovers (we made ham the day before in the smoker) and we brought potatoes. He ended up eating what they had and they had so many leftovers but me and DH ate some of the ham we brought. So my nephew knew nothing about anything she said or that we were bringing leftovers for him.I didn't want him to feel bad and awkward.
Vegaswife2011 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 1:33 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 1:13 pm
We told her why he was going to be with us and that's when she said do we have to feed him. I was shocked and pissed and I said no, we will bring leftovers and I did.

You brought leftovers for your nephew? WTH?
Wow. Yeah, I definitely would not be going over there with him again. Tell her no thanks.
Anonymous 5

Unread post Wed Dec 04, 2019 10:09 pm

Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 1:02 pm
I'm not sure what you are trying to say. You either typed the wrong words or forgot to insert some of the words. Please explain.
Anonymous 3 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:58 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:39 pm
I am the one that posted about my SIL asking if they need to feed my nephew since we said that we would have him with us last year. Now they just invited us for Christmas and we will have my nephew with us again. Should I just decline saying that we will have my nephew again or do I ask if it's okay to bring him (although I know she doesn't want me to...or at least that's how she acts). WWYD?
Seriously?
Sweetie, you are a gluttton for punishment and rude bitchy behavior from SIL, lol
Its pretty self explanatory. Is english your second language?
"Seriously?" I was asking if you are seriously asking this question after your last post.

"Sweetie, you are a gluttton for punishment and rude bitchy behavior from SIL, lol"
Im stating that you are a glutton for punishment...meaning you are someone who seems to enjoy doing something that you consider unpleasant.
Anonymous 5

Unread post Wed Dec 04, 2019 10:09 pm

Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 1:02 pm
I'm not sure what you are trying to say. You either typed the wrong words or forgot to insert some of the words. Please explain.
Anonymous 3 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:58 pm
Anonymous 1 wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:39 pm
I am the one that posted about my SIL asking if they need to feed my nephew since we said that we would have him with us last year. Now they just invited us for Christmas and we will have my nephew with us again. Should I just decline saying that we will have my nephew again or do I ask if it's okay to bring him (although I know she doesn't want me to...or at least that's how she acts). WWYD?
Seriously?
Sweetie, you are a gluttton for punishment and rude bitchy behavior from SIL, lol
Its pretty self explanatory. Is english your second language?
"Seriously?" I was asking if you are seriously asking this question after your last post.

"Sweetie, you are a gluttton for punishment and rude bitchy behavior from SIL, lol"
Im stating that you are a glutton for punishment...meaning you are someone who seems to enjoy doing something that you consider unpleasant.
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