I am going to pay for SD to live off of campus and BM doesnt know

[Valentina327]

That person wouldn't be a stranger though. That's a huge difference

I have had girls bring a total stranger home. So yeah it can happen. My last roommate moved her idiot bf in after we had an agreement not to do any of that. No guys living with us. We had one bathroom. And it was her name on the lease so I couldn't do much. After that I was like f**k this I'll live in a box if I must but it will be all mine.

She knows her roommates boyfriend well. I don't think she would mind living with him. He'd have to be on the lease though if he was there more that 5 nights a month per the lease.

So.....princess is too dainty and afraid to share a bathroom with boys in the on campus setting, however the roommate moving the boyfriend in will be fine for her? How is she not sharing quarters with a boy?

The more I read, the more I see you just wanted to be "cool" to her and give a middle finger to her mother. We all know how this is going to work out. Enjoy your drama.

[Iffrinn]

Even my own? Sometimes. I have changed my mind after my parents give me good arguments and since I trust their bigger experience, I do consider it.

And certainly above everyone else’s. The only people I trust to only want what’s best for me are my parents. Other people can have selfish reasons and agendas, like OP does. My parents don’t. I will never doubt that my parents always want my well being. That doesn’t mean they can’t be wrong, of course. We all make mistakes. But that’s when my previous comment applies: I listen to their reasons and then decide if they have a point or not.

And then I make my choices with the resources I have. If this delicate snowflake want her own apartment and the parents don’t think it’s a good idea and won’t contribute to that financially, then she has a choice: get a job and pay for it or take the free accommodations and make the best of it, like any mature adult who can’t have all they want does. I may not live in the house of my dreams or drive the car I want, but then I learn to appreciate what I do have and make the best of my circumstances. If they were that unbearable, then I would take control and find myself a way to get what I want, I don’t go around whining to other to just give me what I want.

And if that’s a lesson that mother wanted to teach her daughter, then it’s not OPs place to disrespect that opinion and cater to her whims. We all agree, the daughter is free to choose, that doesn’t that what she wants is feasible. And in order to determine that she has go to her parents and discuss with THEM the situation, respect their decision, since she apparently is still financially dependent on others and when she tried to lure OP into giving her what she wants, OP should have respected both her parents’ opinion and the fact that this choice is between her and her parents, she has no place in that equation. Her parents do still have a saying since she isn’t an independent, self sufficient adult yet. She has to make her choice with what they offer. OP had no business interfering in that.

Even when shes 50, she will STILL be THEIR child. Which means their thoughts and opinions out rank yours... ALWAYS.
You need to stay out of it.

Their thoughts outrank the Op's according to who?? Do you always, in every situation, give more weight to the opinion of your parents than you give to anyone else's opinion? Even your own?

While my parents are amazing, wonderful people, I am glad that I also have other people in my life who love and care about me, and don't always have an agenda.
I'm also glad that my kids realize that since they are adults, it IS okay to seek advice from others in addition to their parents, and to have relationships with others too.
No one seems willing to accept even the POSSIBILITY that OP loves her SD, believes SD will do well in an off campus apartment, has the means to give that to her, and wants to do so.
Saying that SD should abide by her parents wishes assumes that her parents are always right. Sorry, no. They COULD be wrong. That is why SD has every right to consider EVERY option available to her, and make her own choice.
OP offered an option that the parents wouldn't or couldn't offer. She could have done that to "show up" the parents, but she also could have done it because she loves her SD and believes SD would be better off NOT living in a dorm.

[WickedPissah]

Well at least her mom doesn't have to pay for it. It's a win for her wallet.

[Anonymous 1]

I have had girls bring a total stranger home. So yeah it can happen. My last roommate moved her idiot bf in after we had an agreement not to do any of that. No guys living with us. We had one bathroom. And it was her name on the lease so I couldn't do much. After that I was like f**k this I'll live in a box if I must but it will be all mine.

She knows her roommates boyfriend well. I don't think she would mind living with him. He'd have to be on the lease though if he was there more that 5 nights a month per the lease.

So.....princess is too dainty and afraid to share a bathroom with boys in the on campus setting, however the roommate moving the boyfriend in will be fine for her? How is she not sharing quarters with a boy?

The more I read, the more I see you just wanted to be "cool" to her and give a middle finger to her mother. We all know how this is going to work out. Enjoy your drama.

It's the fact that it's strangers more than men. She lives with man men now.

I have always had the offer to pay for the kids to live off campus. SD is no different. It doesn't make me cool. I'm just doing for her what I would do for any of the kids.

It has nothing to do with her mom. The offer was there before I knew how BM felt

[Anonymous 4]

I have had girls bring a total stranger home. So yeah it can happen. My last roommate moved her idiot bf in after we had an agreement not to do any of that. No guys living with us. We had one bathroom. And it was her name on the lease so I couldn't do much. After that I was like f**k this I'll live in a box if I must but it will be all mine.

She knows her roommates boyfriend well. I don't think she would mind living with him. He'd have to be on the lease though if he was there more that 5 nights a month per the lease.

So.....princess is too dainty and afraid to share a bathroom with boys in the on campus setting, however the roommate moving the boyfriend in will be fine for her? How is she not sharing quarters with a boy?

The more I read, the more I see you just wanted to be "cool" to her and give a middle finger to her mother. We all know how this is going to work out. Enjoy your drama.

[Momto2boys973]

The whole coed thing is obviously OPs excuse to justify swooping in like a fairy stepmother to give her SD everything she wants and vilify BM. I’m waiting for her to start singing bee-bee-dee-bah-bee-dee-boo.

I have had girls bring a total stranger home. So yeah it can happen. My last roommate moved her idiot bf in after we had an agreement not to do any of that. No guys living with us. We had one bathroom. And it was her name on the lease so I couldn't do much. After that I was like f**k this I'll live in a box if I must but it will be all mine.

She knows her roommates boyfriend well. I don't think she would mind living with him. He'd have to be on the lease though if he was there more that 5 nights a month per the lease.

So.....princess is too dainty and afraid to share a bathroom with boys in the on campus setting, however the roommate moving the boyfriend in will be fine for her? How is she not sharing quarters with a boy?

The more I read, the more I see you just wanted to be "cool" to her and give a middle finger to her mother. We all know how this is going to work out. Enjoy your drama.

[Momto2boys973]

Why don’t you get this? It’s not that complicated a concept to understand... YES, SHE IS DIFFERENT!! She’s NOT YOUR KID and she has parents that have opinions and aspirations for her and you have NO business interfering with that.
Just get that simple fact into your thick head already. Before you completely break up a family over your pathetic need to be # 1...

She knows her roommates boyfriend well. I don't think she would mind living with him. He'd have to be on the lease though if he was there more that 5 nights a month per the lease.

So.....princess is too dainty and afraid to share a bathroom with boys in the on campus setting, however the roommate moving the boyfriend in will be fine for her? How is she not sharing quarters with a boy?

The more I read, the more I see you just wanted to be "cool" to her and give a middle finger to her mother. We all know how this is going to work out. Enjoy your drama.

It's the fact that it's strangers more than men. She lives with man men now.

I have always had the offer to pay for the kids to live off campus. SD is no different. It doesn't make me cool. I'm just doing for her what I would do for any of the kids.

It has nothing to do with her mom. The offer was there before I knew how BM felt

[Anonymous 11]

Why are you so obsessed with this post?

She knows her roommates boyfriend well. I don't think she would mind living with him. He'd have to be on the lease though if he was there more that 5 nights a month per the lease.

So.....princess is too dainty and afraid to share a bathroom with boys in the on campus setting, however the roommate moving the boyfriend in will be fine for her? How is she not sharing quarters with a boy?

The more I read, the more I see you just wanted to be "cool" to her and give a middle finger to her mother. We all know how this is going to work out. Enjoy your drama.

[agander2017]

I'm going to be honest, I think you overstepped your bounds on this one. Even your husband said no. You went and did it anyways.

Personally, I think living in a dorm would have been healthy for her. She would have made some new friends, and eventually she would have gotten over whatever was giving her anxiety. She would have realized it's not so bad.

DH just said he wasn't paying for it personally. He isn't against her having an apartment

She will make new friends either way. You have no idea if living in the dorms would make her get over her anxiety. A lot of people never get over it and that's okay there is no reason at all that makes it so you HAVE to live with strangers

You guys are married. The money comes from the same budget. So basically, he is paying for it, even if it's not directly. You went against his wishes to do what you wanted. I'm willing to bet if he did that, you would throw the biggest fit this country has ever seen.

She would get used to living with strangers, because they wouldn't be strangers forever. She would get to know her classmates. You're giving her the easy way out, despite what her dad and mom said.

[Anonymous 1]

I'm going to be honest, I think you overstepped your bounds on this one. Even your husband said no. You went and did it anyways.

Personally, I think living in a dorm would have been healthy for her. She would have made some new friends, and eventually she would have gotten over whatever was giving her anxiety. She would have realized it's not so bad.

DH just said he wasn't paying for it personally. He isn't against her having an apartment

She will make new friends either way. You have no idea if living in the dorms would make her get over her anxiety. A lot of people never get over it and that's okay there is no reason at all that makes it so you HAVE to live with strangers

You guys are married. The money comes from the same budget. So basically, he is paying for it, even if it's not directly. You went against his wishes to do what you wanted. I'm willing to bet if he did that, you would throw the biggest fit this country has ever seen.

She would get used to living with strangers, because they wouldn't be strangers forever. She would get to know her classmates. You're giving her the easy way out, despite what her dad and mom said.

The money is coming from my money. Not our money. There is a difference.

I didn't go against his wishes. He is glad I'm doing it. I'd never throw a fit over how he spends his money. He has spent it on things I don't like before but that is his choice.

There is nothing wrong with living in an apartment and there is never a time in life where you HAVE to live with strangers if you don't want to. I'm just doing for her what I would do for my own kids and there is nothing wrong with that