Need advice on how to leave abusive husband

Anonymous 1

Unread post Fri May 17, 2019 10:57 pm

This is for a friend of mine. She is planning on leaving her abusive husband. She has 3 kids, one who is SN and takes a lot to care for. She doesn not work (was not allowed to). Her husband moved her states away from any friends and family. He wanted to move her even further, but she said no and said she would not go with him. He threatened to call CPS on her and tell them she has a mental illness and her kids are in danger and he will make sure to make her life a living hell, among various other threats. She has nothing in her name. No access to money or help. So what can she do?
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Sassy762
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Unread post Fri May 17, 2019 11:01 pm

Does he have any food allergies?
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pinkbutterfly66
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Unread post Fri May 17, 2019 11:02 pm

Call her family, friends, and ya'll show up en masse at the door and help her pack and leave. Call the cops and tell them she needs an police escort to leave an abusive spouse. If he blows up while the cops are there, so much the better for her. If he does, she needs to press charges. She goes to live with her parents and file for divorce and custody there. If she has any documentation of the abuse she needs to show that to the lawyer.
Anonymous 2

Unread post Fri May 17, 2019 11:03 pm

She should call CPS to get the kids out of the shitty situation and get as much help from them as she can.
Anonymous 1

Unread post Fri May 17, 2019 11:06 pm

Sassy762 wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 11:01 pm
Does he have any food allergies?
None that I know of.
Anonymous 1

Unread post Fri May 17, 2019 11:20 pm

pinkbutterfly66 wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 11:02 pm
Call her family, friends, and ya'll show up en masse at the door and help her pack and leave. Call the cops and tell them she needs an police escort to leave an abusive spouse. If he blows up while the cops are there, so much the better for her. If he does, she needs to press charges. She goes to live with her parents and file for divorce and custody there. If she has any documentation of the abuse she needs to show that to the lawyer.
I can try to contact her family. Her mother passed years ago and her father is in hospice care and doesnt have long. This was the event that set everything in motion for her. He wont allow her to see her father. He keeps saying he will take her when he can, but kept making excuses. Then said they are moving and she wouldnt get to see him at all now that she pissed him off.

She told me he has only physically abused her a handful of times, but he financially, mentally and psychologically abuses her. She is not allowed to even go to that bathroom on her own. He developed a plan when she is allowed to go to the bathroom or when she is allowed to shower. She has had no access to money, and can not leave the house without his permission. He has recently changed her to a vegan diet against her wishes. But there is not much proof when it comes to abuse Im afraid. There is no physical evidence. Im not sure how she would prove the other stuff. I do plan on going down to help her get out though. And she does have 2 other siblings I plan on contacting. She doesnt think they will help, but I think she under estimates family for things like these. They were not happy when she decided to stay with her husband and move away in the first place. But I think if she was willing to leave and needs help they would help in any way they can.
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pinkbutterfly66
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Unread post Fri May 17, 2019 11:29 pm

Anonymous 1 wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 11:20 pm
pinkbutterfly66 wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 11:02 pm
Call her family, friends, and ya'll show up en masse at the door and help her pack and leave. Call the cops and tell them she needs an police escort to leave an abusive spouse. If he blows up while the cops are there, so much the better for her. If he does, she needs to press charges. She goes to live with her parents and file for divorce and custody there. If she has any documentation of the abuse she needs to show that to the lawyer.
I can try to contact her family. Her mother passed years ago and her father is in hospice care and doesnt have long. This was the event that set everything in motion for her. He wont allow her to see her father. He keeps saying he will take her when he can, but kept making excuses. Then said they are moving and she wouldnt get to see him at all now that she pissed him off.

She told me he has only physically abused her a handful of times, but he financially, mentally and psychologically abuses her. She is not allowed to even go to that bathroom on her own. He developed a plan when she is allowed to go to the bathroom or when she is allowed to shower. She has had no access to money, and can not leave the house without his permission. He has recently changed her to a vegan diet against her wishes. But there is not much proof when it comes to abuse Im afraid. There is no physical evidence. Im not sure how she would prove the other stuff. I do plan on going down to help her get out though. And she does have 2 other siblings I plan on contacting. She doesnt think they will help, but I think she under estimates family for things like these. They were not happy when she decided to stay with her husband and move away in the first place. But I think if she was willing to leave and needs help they would help in any way they can.
She can call the police and tell them she needs help getting away from him too. But to be honest, if you guys just show up and suprise him with the cops, that will take the wind out of his sails. How old are the kids?
KendallsMom
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Unread post Sat May 18, 2019 3:49 am

Go get her and let her stay with you until she gets on her feet without him.
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MonarchMom
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Unread post Sat May 18, 2019 6:59 am

www.thehotline.org
1-800-799-7233

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a toll-free number to call from anywhere in the country to access safety from their abusive relationships.

Available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year to provide services in more than 170 languages. Hotline advocates answer questions, provide safety planning and information as well as directly connect callers to domestic violence resources available in their local calling area. All calls to the hotline are confidential and anonymous.
OBXPrincess
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Unread post Sat May 18, 2019 7:05 am

No matter where she is there is a woman's shelter that will help her. She needs to call them. Or better yet just get in her car and drive to family. Maybe you could help her out with some gas/food cash
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