I am not going to punish them because I dont see the problem....

[Anonymous 5]

I don't know what the big deal is. We always called my SM by her first name.

I'm a SM, and actually in the mom role for SS, and he's always called me by my first name (though when talking to other people would just say "my mom" because it's easier.) (BM was out of the picture.)

A lot of people here add something like "Miss" to the first name. I thought that was more of a southern thing, but people tend to use that instead of "Miss" LAST NAME. Maybe they could do that?

[Deleted User 1018]

How does the SM want the kids to address her? Unless it is something totally ridiculous, then the kids really should comply. Her house, her rules deal. The only punishment, should be to tell the kids to do it.

[Nopeville]

If I were your kids, I would just completely refuse to address her by a name at all. No first name, no Mrs. Whatever, no step mom, nothing. Also, I don't see this marriage lasting long. Your ex sure knows how to pick 'em.

[Iffrinn]

While I don't think punishing is the right way (on the SM and BM's part) I do think a compromise is in order. At the end of the day, she doesn't like it and as an adult she is correct. It doesn't matter that they were able to be rude to another adult and they were ok with it. This one isn't.

They weren't necessarily "able to be rude" to others. If the adults they were addressing had no issue with it, then it's not rude in the least.
When my kids were younger, I generally taught them to call my friends Miss first name, or Mrs Last name, depending on how close I was to the adult in question. I had several friends request that I let the kids call them by their first names. It wasn't rude.
I get that the step mom here is requesting formality. I think formality is for teachers, coaches, employers, etc., NOT people in your own home.
Step mom is on a power trip, and needs to get over it.

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

Okay. That's your view, and your welcome to it. I don't believe she is entitled to anything. She, as an adult, needs to come up with something both she and the kids are okay with.
Honestly, the kids don't NEED to call her anything. They can simply say what they need to say to her without using a name. When they speak about her to others, they can say my stepmother, or Dad's wife. There is nothing rude about that.
Ultimately, this is too small an issue for the Step mom to make a fuss about it.

[jas]

They weren't necessarily "able to be rude" to others. If the adults they were addressing had no issue with it, then it's not rude in the least.
When my kids were younger, I generally taught them to call my friends Miss first name, or Mrs Last name, depending on how close I was to the adult in question. I had several friends request that I let the kids call them by their first names. It wasn't rude.
I get that the step mom here is requesting formality. I think formality is for teachers, coaches, employers, etc., NOT people in your own home.
Step mom is on a power trip, and needs to get over it.

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

Okay. That's your view, and your welcome to it. I don't believe she is entitled to anything. She, as an adult, needs to come up with something both she and the kids are okay with.
Honestly, the kids don't NEED to call her anything. They can simply say what they need to say to her without using a name. When they speak about her to others, they can say my stepmother, or Dad's wife. There is nothing rude about that.
Ultimately, this is too small an issue for the Step mom to make a fuss about it.

If someone's child met you and decided to call you by something you didn't like, you should sit there and take it? haha ok. doubt that would fly. And if it does that's just sad that you would let a child walk all over you. Everyone has their hill to die on. This might be hers.

[Iffrinn]

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

Okay. That's your view, and your welcome to it. I don't believe she is entitled to anything. She, as an adult, needs to come up with something both she and the kids are okay with.
Honestly, the kids don't NEED to call her anything. They can simply say what they need to say to her without using a name. When they speak about her to others, they can say my stepmother, or Dad's wife. There is nothing rude about that.
Ultimately, this is too small an issue for the Step mom to make a fuss about it.

If someone's child met you and decided to call you by something you didn't like, you should sit there and take it? haha ok. doubt that would fly. And if it does that's just sad that you would let a child walk all over you. Everyone has their hill to die on. This might be hers.

As long as it wasn't anything insulting, I'd want the child to call me something that did not make them uncomfortable. That is FAR from letting then "walk all over me". It's called being reasonable.
If what these kids call her is this woman's hill to die on, she doesn't have much going on in her life.

[CotterpinDoozer]

Wait, are you saying she wants them to address her as stepmom when addressing her? Because if that's the case, it's kinda weird. I'd probably just tell them to refer to her as Mrs. Lastname, if she doesn't want them calling her by her name. If she takes issue with that too, ignore her. If they don't want to call her SM, and she doesn't want them calling her by her name, then she needs to compromise too. My friend has been a SM for a while, her SKids called her name, but now her SD calls her Mama First name because that's what she was comfortable with.

[Kikibix]

It grates on my nerves when kids call me by my first name instead of mrs last name or for short mrs last name initial. Or when my nephew doesn’t say Aunt so and so. That being said it’s not a punishable offence. I don’t even say anything to correct them, either they were raised a certain way or not. Personally I’d just request the kids call her stepmom, I think it’s weird though but her choice. Bet if they call ther that in public a few times she’ll ask them to stop. Pretty sure all heads will spin to look at stepmom lol when the kids yell that.

[Nopeville]

While I don't think punishing is the right way (on the SM and BM's part) I do think a compromise is in order. At the end of the day, she doesn't like it and as an adult she is correct. It doesn't matter that they were able to be rude to another adult and they were ok with it. This one isn't.

They weren't necessarily "able to be rude" to others. If the adults they were addressing had no issue with it, then it's not rude in the least.
When my kids were younger, I generally taught them to call my friends Miss first name, or Mrs Last name, depending on how close I was to the adult in question. I had several friends request that I let the kids call them by their first names. It wasn't rude.
I get that the step mom here is requesting formality. I think formality is for teachers, coaches, employers, etc., NOT people in your own home.
Step mom is on a power trip, and needs to get over it.

Like I originally stated, I'm old fashioned. To me, a kid doesn't call an adult by their first name. Period. I get times have changed and it was the cool thing to do and now for some, it's acceptable. It's not to me. It's just rude. Power trip or not, she is entitled to be called what she wants and not something she doesn't by a child.

I'm just curious, where are you from? I'm 43 and I have never once referred to my parents' friends by anything but their first names and I have never had a child refer to me by anything but my first name. Which is totally fine by me and I see it as in no way rude. Maybe it's a regional thing?

[Momto2boys973]

Her house, her rules that they should absolutely respect when they’re there. If you don’t see a problem with them not doing that, there then IS a bigger problem- you.
So I don’t doubt that they are indeed being disrespectful to her if you don’t raise them to respect the homes of others.

SM has never liked that the kids call her by her first name. She feels like they should call her step mom or something more formal.

My kids dont really consider her their mom. The marriage is still new. She feels like they are going out of their way to be disrespectful. I dont see it like that at all. They are just doing what they feel comfortable. They also called my exs long term girlfriend before her by her first name and it wasnt an issue

She wants me to punish my kids also because they are not taking her or her rules seriously. I told her no thanks.

My ex is on her side but really just to keep the peace with her. I know he doesnt have a real issue with it.

I just cant imagine being so offended over something so small