What is the morally correct thing to do?

[Momto2boys973]

And that sometimes “rights” aren’t the most important thing, especially when considering an important relationship.
Unfortunately, in this day an age, sometime A right doesn’t mean what IS right. So sometimes we have to make sacrifices and put our rights aside to do what’s right.

Her decision is over her body. Period. And no one here has argued that. But she has no right to hide information to manipulate the choices of others. It is morally wrong to hide information from someone when that information would make them make an important life choice.
I have every right to tie my tubes and it’s my choice to make. That doesn’t mean that it’s morally right to leave my husband out of the choice because it affects him too. When you’re in a committed relationship, choices become more complicated than “it’s MY right!” Another person has things at stake too and he deserves to be informed and to have an opinion.

Neither actually. I simply believe that it's the woman's decision period. She's the one who has to live with her decision. Not me.

This is a great example of why I think so many struggle with marriage. They don't understand that this is a partnership, where each of you contribute and you make decisions together. You work as a team, not in an individual silo. Especially something this huge.

[EarlGrayHot]

If you are involved with a man who is someone you cannot share important things with then your relationship is a bad one and is likely doomed anyway. Why would you want to be in a relationship with a man who can't handle something like this?

[Anonymous 13]

And if she gives birth to a child and doesn't tell the father, it...is...wrong.

It happens all the time. A woman has a fling, gets pregnant, raises child alone. A woman gets out of a relationship, finds she's pregnant, raises child alone. All. the. time.

If the child is brought into the world, the mother does not get to choose whether or not the father gets to have a relationship with said child. She doesn't get to decide whether her reason is good enough to keep the father from the child. That's for a court and professionals to decide.

It's her life, not mine. If she did that, she'd probably have a really good reason to do so.

[Deleted User 670]

*shrug* says you. 1) this is a hypothetical situation; 2) it's not your decision to make; 3) there are circumstances that probably would lead a woman to do so to protect herself and the child.

And if she gives birth to a child and doesn't tell the father, it...is...wrong.

It happens all the time. A woman has a fling, gets pregnant, raises child alone. A woman gets out of a relationship, finds she's pregnant, raises child alone. All. the. time.

If the child is brought into the world, the mother does not get to choose whether or not the father gets to have a relationship with said child. She doesn't get to decide whether her reason is good enough to keep the father from the child. That's for a court and professionals to decide.

[Anonymous 13]

Do you have any brothers? If so, how do you think he would like to learn...10 years after the fact...that he has a child out there?

And what about said child? How do you think the child would feel if he/she learned, 10 years after the fact, that his/her father has been kept from him/her for 10 years? It's wrong.

*shrug* says you. 1) this is a hypothetical situation; 2) it's not your decision to make; 3) there are circumstances that probably would lead a woman to do so to protect herself and the child.

And if she gives birth to a child and doesn't tell the father, it...is...wrong.

It happens all the time. A woman has a fling, gets pregnant, raises child alone. A woman gets out of a relationship, finds she's pregnant, raises child alone. All. the. time.

[Deleted User 670]

Not my monkey, not my circus. I ain't playin' your game.

Do you have any brothers? If so, how do you think he would like to learn...10 years after the fact...that he has a child out there?

And what about said child? How do you think the child would feel if he/she learned, 10 years after the fact, that his/her father has been kept from him/her for 10 years? It's wrong.

*shrug* says you. 1) this is a hypothetical situation; 2) it's not your decision to make; 3) there are circumstances that probably would lead a woman to do so to protect herself and the child.

And if she gives birth to a child and doesn't tell the father, it...is...wrong.

[Valentina327]

So if he knew and decided he wanted to be a father, that would mean she gets to play incubator then decide whether to stay with him doing something she never wanted or leave him and the child and be the villain. This is one of those rare situations where it's a true double standard. They both agreed to never have children. There is also the fact that it's her body and her choice and being married does not change that. On a side note, if this post is even true, they both need to get sterilized to avoid going through this kind of thing in the future. That should have already happened.

Agreed. If you're that dead set against children, sterilization is the best option.

[Traci_Momof2]

So if he knew and decided he wanted to be a father, that would mean she gets to play incubator then decide whether to stay with him doing something she never wanted or leave him and the child and be the villain. This is one of those rare situations where it's a true double standard. They both agreed to never have children. There is also the fact that it's her body and her choice and being married does not change that. On a side note, if this post is even true, they both need to get sterilized to avoid going through this kind of thing in the future. That should have already happened.

Agreed. If you're that dead set against children, sterilization is the best option.

Or, if this hypothetical couple has already talked about getting married, and has already talked about that they don't want children, you'd think they already talked about what to do if she gets pregnant anyway. I mean, why wouldn't they. Oopsie pregnancies happen, so you'd think they'd have that conversation about "I know neither of us wants kids, but what happens if I get pregnant? Would you be ok with an abortion?"

DH and I did that. When we were planning our wedding, we knew we didn't want kids right away. We didn't know for sure if we wanted them ever, but we knew we were a few years out from being ready for that. And we were using BC. But we still talked about "but what if I get pregnant on our honeymoon? what if I get pregnant in our first year?" We talked about it and had an agreement on how we would handle something like that.

The more I think about it, the more I believe that this hypothetical couple of OP's either isn't real, or isn't mature enough to be committing to a marriage. Because who doesn't talk about these big things when talking about marriage?

[Valentina327]

So if he knew and decided he wanted to be a father, that would mean she gets to play incubator then decide whether to stay with him doing something she never wanted or leave him and the child and be the villain. This is one of those rare situations where it's a true double standard. They both agreed to never have children. There is also the fact that it's her body and her choice and being married does not change that. On a side note, if this post is even true, they both need to get sterilized to avoid going through this kind of thing in the future. That should have already happened.

Agreed. If you're that dead set against children, sterilization is the best option.

Or, if this hypothetical couple has already talked about getting married, and has already talked about that they don't want children, you'd think they already talked about what to do if she gets pregnant anyway. I mean, why wouldn't they. Oopsie pregnancies happen, so you'd think they'd have that conversation about "I know neither of us wants kids, but what happens if I get pregnant? Would you be ok with an abortion?"

DH and I did that. When we were planning our wedding, we knew we didn't want kids right away. We didn't know for sure if we wanted them ever, but we knew we were a few years out from being ready for that. And we were using BC. But we still talked about "but what if I get pregnant on our honeymoon? what if I get pregnant in our first year?" We talked about it and had an agreement on how we would handle something like that.

The more I think about it, the more I believe that this hypothetical couple of OP's either isn't real, or isn't mature enough to be committing to a marriage. Because who doesn't talk about these big things when talking about marriage?

Excellent points!

[Anonymous 17]

If you are involved with a man who is someone you cannot share important things with then your relationship is a bad one and is likely doomed anyway. Why would you want to be in a relationship with a man who can't handle something like this?

I agree. I mentioned that I made a similar decision - decision to have an abortion and not tell my partner. We were young and engaged at the time and not only making the decision by myself but feeling I HAD to make the decision by myself made me rethink the entire relationship and actually break up with my then fiance. 35 years later we are still friends, he is married to one of my best friends, and I have never told him and have never regretted it.