What is the morally correct thing to do?

[Momto2boys973]

“Having a say” doesn’t mean forcing anyone to do anything. He can have his opinion and his wishes and make his choices accordingly. But for that, he needs to know the facts.

I absolutely disagree with the thinking that men don't get a say. It's half his child and he should be told and have a say.

So if the woman wants an abortion and he doesn't want her to have one she should be forced to continue the pregnancy? This isn't really something you can compromise on.

[Anonymous 14]

Having a say means being able to actually impact the choice.

I do agree that it is best to know but to say a man actually has a say isn't realistic.

Having an opinion is not the same as having a say.

“Having a say” doesn’t mean forcing anyone to do anything. He can have his opinion and his wishes and make his choices accordingly. But for that, he needs to know the facts.

I absolutely disagree with the thinking that men don't get a say. It's half his child and he should be told and have a say.

So if the woman wants an abortion and he doesn't want her to have one she should be forced to continue the pregnancy? This isn't really something you can compromise on.

[Momto2boys973]

If he hopes for a different choice he should have a right to have his say and maybe try to sway that choice. No one’s saying that he has the legal right to veto that choice by having a say in it. He simply has a right to express his disagreement with it if he feels that way. That’s having a say.

Having a say means being able to actually impact the choice.

I do agree that it is best to know but to say a man actually has a say isn't realistic.

Having an opinion is not the same as having a say.

“Having a say” doesn’t mean forcing anyone to do anything. He can have his opinion and his wishes and make his choices accordingly. But for that, he needs to know the facts.

So if the woman wants an abortion and he doesn't want her to have one she should be forced to continue the pregnancy? This isn't really something you can compromise on.

[Anonymous 13]

While it may not be something that you can compromise on, it should also not be hidden from the person that you love.

I absolutely disagree with the thinking that men don't get a say. It's half his child and he should be told and have a say.

So if the woman wants an abortion and he doesn't want her to have one she should be forced to continue the pregnancy? This isn't really something you can compromise on.

[Anonymous 14]

Okay I never said that. A man really has no say in abortion or not. They can have their opinion but the woman is the only one with the say.

While it may not be something that you can compromise on, it should also not be hidden from the person that you love.

I absolutely disagree with the thinking that men don't get a say. It's half his child and he should be told and have a say.

So if the woman wants an abortion and he doesn't want her to have one she should be forced to continue the pregnancy? This isn't really something you can compromise on.

[Anonymous 13]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you thought that. I was just stating what I felt...that it shouldn't be kept from the man.

Of course he can't force her to have or not have an abortion. She's going to do what she wants to do. But I believe the right thing to do is to inform the man.

Okay I never said that. A man really has no say in abortion or not. They can have their opinion but the woman is the only one with the say.

While it may not be something that you can compromise on, it should also not be hidden from the person that you love.

So if the woman wants an abortion and he doesn't want her to have one she should be forced to continue the pregnancy? This isn't really something you can compromise on.

[Valentina327]

I absolutely disagree with the thinking that men don't get a say. It's half his child and he should be told and have a say.

So if the woman wants an abortion and he doesn't want her to have one she should be forced to continue the pregnancy? This isn't really something you can compromise on.

If they're together as a couple he at least deserves the opportunity to discuss it, and if he's changed his mind present his case for her to reconsider.

[Traci_Momof2]

I absolutely disagree with the thinking that men don't get a say. It's half his child and he should be told and have a say.

So if the woman wants an abortion and he doesn't want her to have one she should be forced to continue the pregnancy? This isn't really something you can compromise on.

It's not that black and white, especially when the couple loves each other. And since the couple in OP's hypothetical is talking about getting married, it is presumed that they love each other.

Having a say means listening to each other. She may have her mind made up, but if she loves him she will listen to him, his reasons, his feelings and she will at the very least acknowledge his feelings. She might even reconsider her position on it based on what he said. Then he will listen to her in the same way, acknowledge her in the same way, and perhaps even reconsider his own position on it. And at the end of this conversation they may find that they are both actually on the same page, whether she moved to his side or he moved to her side. That's what having a say is all about.

But if she doesn't even tell him to begin with, then she's completely squashed the opportunity for them to have this conversation in the first place. She's denied their entire relationship something that it could benefit from.

[Deleted User 670]

Say you and your boyfriend are talking about marriage and you both agree neither of you want children. But you end up pregnant. You decide abortion is the right way to go. Of course what you choose to do is your right and you are not obligated to speak with your boyfriend about your choice of having an abortion. But would it be morally right to not tell him about it at all? Or do you think he doesn't need to know? Do you think this would create trust issues should he find out? Does he deserve to know? What if you thought you were saving him from dealing with a stressful situation?

I think whatever you decide is correct. Either tell the boyfriend or not. It's no one else's life, no one else's choice.

[Momto2boys973]

Exactly.
I don’t think anyone is suggesting that he should have a right to force her to have that child, but at the very least he should know and be given the opportunity
I asked before and didn’t get an answer: what if the roles were reversed? Would all these woman saying that he doesn’t have a right to know feel the same way if the man could hide this from a woman? I honestly doubt it.

I absolutely disagree with the thinking that men don't get a say. It's half his child and he should be told and have a say.

So if the woman wants an abortion and he doesn't want her to have one she should be forced to continue the pregnancy? This isn't really something you can compromise on.

It's not that black and white, especially when the couple loves each other. And since the couple in OP's hypothetical is talking about getting married, it is presumed that they love each other.

Having a say means listening to each other. She may have her mind made up, but if she loves him she will listen to him, his reasons, his feelings and she will at the very least acknowledge his feelings. She might even reconsider her position on it based on what he said. Then he will listen to her in the same way, acknowledge her in the same way, and perhaps even reconsider his own position on it. And at the end of this conversation they may find that they are both actually on the same page, whether she moved to his side or he moved to her side. That's what having a say is all about.

But if she doesn't even tell him to begin with, then she's completely squashed the opportunity for them to have this conversation in the first place. She's denied their entire relationship something that it could benefit from.